Welcome back....Thanks for taking your time to read the posts...although i realize most of the post had make some confusion..bad grammar...wrong usage of vocab...and worse when some of the messages do not convey to all of you...Therefore i would like to say thanks once again and appreciate for your presence...
Ironically that's me...while you understand a gist of my love story,i guess you should understand me as a person..i'm a guy who never really shows what i feel deep inside..sometimes i intend to run away from all the grief and pain...but the pain will not stop..i felt useless..and along the way i'm getting matured..i started to understand why we suffer because of love...and that's all thanks to the Companion of Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam....
Their love toward Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam is pure without asking anything in return...They went to war...They gave their everything for Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam..and after all that suffering they endured, not even once they complaint..The faith that instill within them make them the Rijal Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...
Have you ever heard a story of a Companion that was so sad when he served Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...So Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam ask him,Why do you look sad? The Companion replied: I'm sad because when i leave this world for the hereafter,i might not get to be with you in heaven...because You will be among An-Nabiyin and As-Siddiqin and i'm far from that...and if i'm gonna be thrown in hell..that will be unluckiest thing for me because i will never ever get to see you again...Salawatullahi Wassalaam smile and reply: The lover will be with his love ones....
A Companion that never asked for heaven but just a hope to be with His beloved Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...And therefore they The Companion endured everything just for Him Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...
Therefore inside me,the love towards Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam is strong but i will never ever declare that into words..because at these days my action is totally ambivalence...A love that you could never ever compromise...and at my current state,i do not believe i could do it yet...
While loving The Best Creation is totally different from loving just a creation...because Him Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam will never leave us..He lives within us..while the relatives and strangers that are dear to us are otherwise...
So from the 'she' i learned to trust and the heart of human being is not under our power to control it...It is all the work of The Creator from the start...Therefore i will always pray for 'she' to be happy and keep on moving...and i just wanted to tell 'she' that i will always be here....and if one day,'she' gonna leave me...i will cry but i will be ok...as long 'she' are gonna be happy it will be enough for me...I just have to let it go when its happen...and i could not hang on it for long because it just gonna make 'she' suffocated....
Unfortunately the curiosity will not be ease yet...who is this 'she' i'm praying for...for this,please let me keep it as my precious secret...
I would also plead to all of you to forgive me if i ever lied..hurt your feeling...and worse if i make you to look at me in disgust...becauseof what i kept inside for interminable time cause me to die slowly.....Somehow i started to see that at the end of the day,i'm gonna be alone because what comes around goes around....and that will be the atonement...but could i endure it..i don't think so..i need to cling on someone...there is even once i complain to God..dear Allah,if people surround me gonna be hurt because of my presence...please make them leave me..and replace it with someone who could make them smile again....but the one thing i assure you....
I'm changing....and this i promise
Haha...i guess that's it...wow...i could cry right now....since it really comes from bottom of heart...so i guess now you understand 3/8 of me...
