Slang

Just finish my project and the wonderful part i am now into this site on language.So read on....

According to Lodge (1997), the colloquial or vernacular use of language is extremely important, not only to sociolinguists, but in the study of semantics and meaning in context. In his study, Lodge identifies three features of language variation that he believes are essentially true:

1. Variability is natural in language and essential to its social role in our everyday lives. A broad and increasing lexicon is essential in order to express the 'nuances' of human emotions and personal identity and experiences.
2. There are no 'breaks' in language varieties, meaning that there are no pure homogeneous styles and dialects that exist. Rather, there are scales or gradations of linguistic style and language, and these scales are fluid and are subject to change.
3. Language variation is not a free or unrestricted process. Even slang is subject to factors that are outside language, such as age, gender, and cultural background.

And yes...going home soon

Egypt - Singapore

2 more weeks to go...for my teacher training will end...and guess what...i'm going back to my home town...you know, take a break...and coming back here to finish one more subject...while the sadness had long gone...its time to move on..looking forward is the only way for me to be stronger...while the past will be a lesson...while everything is still ambiguous...i will enjoy every moment...either with friends...alone...and of course to get use of the transition to be a better man...gosh,i'm not a boy no more...but still there are few things that i would like to do when i reach home...

1st of all,i would like to explain to my parents about my failure in my examination...of course they will be sad...but as a son and also as brother...i must have a strong character...i will work...i will learn...and of course i will amend whtever mistakes that i had made before..

2ndly,meet her...you know it had been a year plus since i left her...while the brown baju kurung still fits me,i'm not sure about her...is she gonna welcome me with an open arms...a warm homecoming...or otherwise...i just hope i could put a smile on her face...

3rdly...my Dandrawi brothers...from Mudaris to Bohari and everyone...i would like to spend time with them...i would like to say i'm sorry...very very sorry...to go back to the past is impossible...but to work hard for the present for better future is always open wide for me...for everyone though...

4th...my PS3...there are quite few games that i would like to buy...assasin creed 2,socom,GOW,resident evil...i'm just gonna spend most of time complete all the games and of course read some books...my mom is gonna nag...but hey,i miss that nagging...

5th...life will never be the same again...and i end my speech with Welcome to the world again...

Its a funny world

Hello guys...i'm damn tired...the course that i am taking right now is fun,full of factual facts on language....except,there are full of projects and assignments...but hey,i am glad that it managed to distract me from the result of my examination...unfortunately, i failed my only paper...13 out of 100....its a funny result after all...

And now i'm still considering...either to go return to Singapore for awhile and come back to Egypt on mid of Feb...or i would rather stay till next Jun...since it is still under consideration,i will just make it the last thing on mind..but yeah,i still need to evaluate the outcome and whatever it is gonna be...i pray that will be gonna be the best and also the redha of Allah and Rasulullah Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...well,its a funny circle of life anyway.

Furthermore,i realized when someone is sad...the only that you could cling on will be only The Creator and The Best Creation...but somehow i feel disgrace to face Allah and The Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...You know,when you are bless with wealth and health....the feeling of submission is totally fade from you...and otherwise when something unlucky happen to you...the prayer will be longer and most of all no one will ever understand that feeling...and so i said,human being is a funny creation...

And not forgetting to all my comrades....i wish you all the best in your examination...hope all you will do your best...just like a quote,when the road gets tough,you just have to get tougher....

As I thought of the person that is most important to me in the world,
I walked along a cherry blossom colored path, alone
Oh person that is most important to me in the world,
I love you, bye bye…

When I opened the window, I took a deep breath
My spring dreams expand out into the cheerfulness, that’s different from usual
It’s like playing with soap bubbles
When you pop one, it’s reborn anew, and hopes return
Right now, I’m not scared of anything strange, but even if I was apart from you

The sky, the sky would be connecting us together,
so we could get through anything, no matter what it was
One day, one day, when I go to see you,
let’s send some soap bubbles flying out

Writing down the phrase “Have a nice life.”,
I send it flying as a paper airplane
There’s so much that you want to hear from me,
It got me worried
Have your tears dried already?
Have you gotten your smile back?
Well first off, if the answer to those two questions is “Yes”,
then please, please answer me
I ran into myself from back on that day, changed,
and now I’m a positive boy
Windswept, I’m sweating beneath the sun
The mark on my right side has changed, it’s changed to say
“if you’ve got the energy, you can do anything”
When I remember you, it doesn’t hurt anymore

When the cherry blossom petals
dance in your sky
I’m praying from a far away place,
for you to be happy…

You sent me a letter, “I got married”
Was the subject of it; it doesn’t hurt me
It doesn’t really hurt me at all,
I’m not thinking anything of it anymore
At least that’s what I’m telling myself,
but the sky is clear, and the birds are chirping
The flowers are blooming,
it’s like a spring festival
I can’t let myself cry,
I’m going to send you my blessing
Smiling, I’m going to live my life for today,
treasure the person who is at my side
I’m going to put all of my love into everything that I touch

Smile again, smile again, I head toward the far away future,
without standing still
Keep on, keep on, let the party continue,
make noise and laugh, put your hands up
Smile again, smile again, I head toward the far away future,
without standing still
Keep on, keep on, let the party continue,
make noise and laugh, put your hands up

This is the last song
that I’ll sing for you
I’ll put into it a little strength, and my true blessing
The cherry blossom petals
dance in my sky today
I’ll send some goodbye soap bubbles off to you,
from a far away place

The waiting

Ok...the waiting is gonna over in few hours time....gonna check my result....and wow,everything will just not gonna be the same again after this i guess....so wish me the best k...

Finally....

Okay everybody....1st of all sorry for the long absence...guess i've been away for a long time...docile...and most of all not picking up anyone calls...most of you sure were vexed with me...you see,for this whole two weeks i've been hibernate...

And yeah,just finish up this project of mine...reading the white document of wasiqah baida'...999 pages...need to focus...need to be far away from the mankind and try to understand our nature as a human being better...and guess what...there are 3 things that i realised while there are 3 things i would like to say.....

1st...the importance for all of us to understand our history..not history of our nation but history about our condition...look at our surrounding...and you will find we are in a shape that need to be refurbish...there was a time when human being was being granted a pure heart...a heart that forgive...a heart that is not bias...and of course a heart that being instill in them the Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...when Sayyidina Abdul Rahman Bin Auf,one of the richest companion of Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam could eat together with Sayyidina Bilal Bin Rabah...a former slave but was being freed by Sayyidina Abu Bakar As-Siddique....

And that is something we should ponder on...while today,you know...VIP...guest of honor...and above of all,you never see a rich man sit together with a poor fellow....so,what does really happened?

2nd...that's why i so into arabic language..while all languages represent their nation...arabic language represent your faith...ok...i'm not gonna talk about the Quranic language or the Hadith of Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...but if you go deeper,you will see,that in every words,every sentences of arabic language represent our past...represent our state right now...like why Allah says in Quran trough lisan Sayyidil Basyar...why the previous Ummah was being demolished by Allah greatness and while The Ummah of Sayyidil Basyar remains still...

3rd....come on...while nature is obedient...we the mankind are totally opposite...we pretend to be perplex...we think we are scholars...and most of all,we think we know what is really happening around us..but the fact is...we know nothing...it is just because we like to question God..why we pray...why we fast...and most of all why must we say Appraisal for The Prophet Alaihi Wassalaam..since we ask silly questions,we would always get a silly answers..well,action speaks louder than word...but we complain much...so much....

ok...for the remain 3 that i would like to say....

1st....come on guys...i just been for 2 weeks..yah,i don't pick up your calls...please don't misinterpret...i'm just doing some research..and you will like...whatever...bla bla bla....hhahahaah

2nd...all great leaders need their time alone to do some spiritual revival...i'm not great but i've got the potential...ok,that is so obnoxious...

3rd...Whatever we do in life...echoes in eternity...


guess that's all for now...wishing all of you the best...and your mistake as a friend is my failure as a man...

The air

Something bad might happen...Someone is gonna get hurt...Well,its gonna happen anyhow....

Maroon 5 - Wont Go Home Without You

The finger

Well well....now what does heart breaker means....now i woke up so early in the morning...as though i just woke up from an adventure journey...a journey that taught me a very valuable lesson..a journey that open up my vision wider....

And here, i look at my fingers...counting the days...months....while my days are numbered...i realize a greater challenges await me when i get home....

I miss them...all of them...from my parents...hey,my mom keeps babbling the same things these few days....my Usrah Dandrawiyah,brothers that will always be there....yah,national library brings back memories...mee goreng mata lembu...now i crave for it more then ever...guess i appreaciate food better....

While i believe there will be a lot of changes back home...i'm not sure if the heart will change as well...a lot of misunderstanding had occur...a lot of explaination needs to be make....and i guess thats all of because we intend to write what we feel or keep it within ourself....but hey we are human being...so to talk and to listen are the best action to clear everything....and since we are so far away....i just could do nothing and i will not do anything till i look again at that face.....

So i look at these fingers...3 more left to go...and then i would say...hey,i'm home...so everyone,please bear with me a little more....

And one more thing...please please don't jump to conclusion when you read my blog...haha...because it is either my english is beginner level or you really could not understand my english...and thats why chatterbox was being prepared....hahahhaha

Curse

Its a curse after all...its not the end of the world..but its gonna be the end for what i try to believe again...I'm being so childish...hahaha..its a funny feeling anyway...

I understand

After all the evaluation i had made...i realize that it's got to end anyway...Hey don't blame no one...No one is gonna die yet...And no one is gonna end the path...It is just i understand...understand that in everyone of us carry a will of others..our parents...friends...comrades...

And if gonna lost someone...it will just gonna be fine...No one is gonna call you a killer...no one is gonna put all the blame on that shoulder...everyone had their own dreams...and to achieve that dream,we just have to make sacrifice..its ok to lost someone but it will never be ok to dissapoint your loved ones..and the love ones will always be our parents..while i set to admit this is just gonna end somehow...our life will still goes on...We just have to get stronger...and somehow i understand....

Go on...move...don't worry about the details...don't worry about people reation..well time should heal everything but i heal faster than before...i will always be here...and somehow i understand....May Allah bless you..May the Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam guides you...If we ever gonna meet again...guess that will the job of our believe..fate...

While time machine will not help but big decision could does some amendment..so if you decided so...i will respect that decision even though that words do not reach me verbally...So no worries;)

Ok Mr Ilyas...its time to wake up from this dreamland that never exist...ouch...ok,i'm a human being again..hahaha ( Now this is the 1st time i type my name on the posting )

drops of water that falls
after losing important things, I realize
dragging along repetitious talk and quibble
swinging a foolish freedom over my head
unnoticed dead end that ends in solitude-stained future
there’s only one swelling up delusion after all

as long as we couldn’t wipe important person’s sadness
then let’s gather the light for our own sake only

how long my sky will become completely confined
perhaps the sun won’t go up for tomorrow
until the uncertain things are finally put in the hand
a starless night

sky of destination becomes graceful
the nameless flowers just becomes magnificent
striding over the field of rainbow
the lake becomes a mirror that reflects reality
the four seasons return, passing the snow thaw
and bringing along the spring
the bud continues becoming a flower, flower will become a fruit
it’s an eternal loop

My heart feel mild
inside the whole light, the whole color
I’ve studied many things

The cloud isn’t in hurry, it’s calm and restful instead
continue changing its form, entrust itself to the stream
outside the drawing paper, with a freedom that about to be forced out
I’m sketching a dream

the flakes of sparkling snow that swooping down upon my palm
the final pray will take a form, state, and color if possible
a transparent-white world, that’s a winter’s delight
the appearing and disappearing future
to what extend it would go, looks like it depends on itself

my heart felt lonely
the whole farewell, the whole sadness
will continue changing into hope

there’s nothing would interrupt the running light
yet I want it to keep going through the heavy rain
the gate of recollection is opened with such a key
that soon would be completely thrown away

in my opened up sky, tomorrow the sun will also go up
let’s close the daily play for our own sake only
getting excited with hope, I take a deep breath
a star’s beautiful night

Hope

Now i started to learn why people rely on hope...and why a heart would never give up....and why the body that barely stand will continue to cling on someone even though it is in severe pain...It is not just because of putting highly hope on someone or something..It is just the believe that everything will just go perfectly if the heart of human being is pure and does not taint with bad intention....unless Allah and The Prophet have better plan for all of us..And there will always be....

I learn that the hope that live within this big body of mine...the unseen soul....a desire of an infant....and the mind that always understand its need are the readiness to sacrifice...to perceive that being hurt is not an option but a reality to keep that hope moving on...because without being hurt,the hope will never realizes what sincerity means...the content of unconditional love stand for...

I learn that hope could be shattered but i also learn,it will also enlighten a path of a person...because that brim of light will always rejuvenate a long lost soul...even someone had taught me not to put highly hope but hey...i will take my chance...like i always do...

But till then...i will wait...cause i believe fate will complete the other half of the human job....

So as the boy fell deep asleep
The fire in the ash engulfs the air...one by one
What rise and large are my beloved profiles
What trickles down the earth are the thousand of dreams...
On the night when the silver eyes were trembling what came to be born was you...
As you shined...no matter how many times the ever passing times return the prayers back down to earth....
I will never cease to pray...
Oh please,show this child what love is...
Please give a kiss his hands you hold....

Fate

Alright everybody...

I just spend our Hari Raya by becoming a cook...Not bad..You know,the feeling of making people happy just had been nurtured in me since i learn about Usrah Dandrawiyah...Without expecting anything in return...i guess this year Aidil Fitri taught me a very valuable lesson...To sacrifice for everyone...for someone...

And hey,someone once taught me lets fate does its job...but i replied...we should do our part..and fate will finish up the rest...and thats where i'm going to..Hope she is reading this...Since the heart is full with love...it started to spill that turns into tears...

While for me...since my heart is full of sadness...i started to learn what love does mean...

Thats all...lights off....

Simple

While i believe she will........



As for me,i have got to try harder to be.........




So i hope she will not cry no more...the tears are priceless,plus.....

Fergie - Big Girls Don't Cry.


All i want to say.....

I'm a..........

I'm a human being after all.....

I turned my eyes away with disagreement
from the inside I was the boy that averted his eyes
With all courage I had
I grasped that little hand of yours

You scared of setting your hand free
from the inside you were the girl that unfastened her hand
With all courage you had
you grasped my hand in return

We couldn’t communicate in the best way
Word and word passed by
We strayed our hands from each other
as we finally chose a word called “good bye”

we both chanted “always together”
while the wind swept the hill, we hold each other
as with our died interrupted dream
it continued to fading and became a scene
inside our memory

From that “good bye” time has passed
I also, for some reason, has become mature
Yet I still couldn’t understand love, but
I’ve understood freedom and responsibility

Inside everyday’s bussiness
I was completely forgotten by the time
From that hill I look up at the sky
Just a little painful feeling
I embraced in my chest

I remember the day at that moment
My way was letting your hand go
with regret, it can’t be helped
Let’s go back to that time, in where you became visible

Not an illusion, you’re right in front of eyes
At that time, and with that constant smile
Forever, ever, I missed you

You’re smiling, there’s nothing to say
that little hand hold mine
As in the disagreeing, separated couple
only a grain of understanding tears spilled

Sweet words too, deep kiss too
Now we don’t need it, all we do just close our eyes
Only chant of “always together”
happiness-colored wind wrap us both

Home

Guess everyone is going home....from stranger that had became a friend....from no one to someone that close to the heart...but that's the cycle of life...people come and go...while the best survive,the unfortunate will mourn on the disappearance of the love ones...

While i'm no good in expressing my feelings...i wonder,which one would i be..the best or the unfortunate...the best cause i survive...and unfortunate because the disappearance seems to be so apparent..

And Ramadan is just about to end...ooh...my eyes moist once again.

Now

Now let's see what fate had prepared for me...

Why and when it happened I don’t know
it isn’t so grandiose as to be able to call it fate
In the middle of the monotony of each day, it gently swept down
As natural as the blossoming cherry blossoms in spring
Not wanting anything, you were just standing over there
Without doing anything special besides your airy gestures, you were cute
The two of us walking on the tree lined street on Sunday,
the clouds you found were like a cottony heaven
Like it was nothing, my heart starting dancing at what I was seeing
Without thinking, I wonder why I broke into a smile

Under the sky I’m going to keep repeating from the bottom of my heart how I fell in love with
Your happily grinning face and your wavy hair, with its subtle chestnut color
With the person you love’s best smile, more so than something like a hard philosophy book
Surely you will be able to become stronger; If I’m with you, I think so
Be with you; That’s forever, without an end

Some things are going to change and some things will not
At the very least we are living together
I can say thank you now, for making each day special
Passing the time staring at the gray sky of tomorrow,
we witnessed the silence of the gentle sunrise
With someone who is like you,
but no matter what kind of love it is, it’s a different story
Everyone has their own personality,
so the two of us playing together in harmony
It wasn’t always pretty; That’s ok
I fell in love with you just as you are

The nights of the days we fought, our kisses were shorter than usual
I wanted to say sorry, but not able to say it, we grew apart while we slept
We were only bluffing; The two of us were in love, as awkward as we were
But the mystery of whether we will be able to be together forever, I know
Well…let’s fall asleep holding hands
Be with you; That’s forever, without an end

We only, only got along well; We even have small fights properly
We can reconcile outside of words, like friends from long ago

In the middle of the road, even if there are even showers,
the two of us go home drenched in selfishness
And after all that we happily play in the rain, like childhood friends
Be with you; That’s forever, without an end

I close my eyes, think about you everyday.
Even on the nights of the days we fought,
even naturally being able to reconcile in the morning

I close my eyes, think about you everyday.
I need you. I love you. I need you. I love you.
That’s you & I, forever love............

Alone

Haha...iye tak ye aku ye english nie....

Your folded pale wings
are just a little tired from the overly blue sky
You don’t have to force your smile for anyone else
It’s alright to smile only for yourself

Loneliness continues to creep up on me,
a candle alight on the inside
Such a gorgeous chandelier
shouldn’t be at a crowded party, like this one
Why should I bury it all
in the emptiness of words that are lacking?
I don’t know anymore

As long as we can swim freely in our dreams,
we don’t need the sky anymore
Even if I can’t paint over everything
that happened up until yesterday,
I’ll still come out to meet you tomorrow

Your folded pale wings
are just a little tired from the overly blue sky
You don’t have to force your smile for anyone else
It’s alright to smile only for yourself

Inferiority complexes and reconciliations
aren’t things that will come true so easily
The mirror that remains
at the top of self-consciousness reflects flower petals
It looks like my voice is strained
from trying to cry out with an impure love
It’s irritating

In these changing times,
wounds will soon turn into scabs
Without waiting for that to happens,
you’re so beautiful, and so fleeting…

Prayers shiver in the sun,
like traces of down that have come loose
It’s alright to not think about loving someone
as being too much for you right now

Sometimes this world is a little bit too dazzling
to walk looking upward in
When you cast your eyes down,
as though sinking, the dry ground slurps up your tears

Why do we feel so alone anytime?
You don’t have to take on everything
Why do we feel so alone anytime?
Just putting up with it isn’t courage

Whisper

While i whisper in the ears....I said...please do really take care of yourself...While in the heart i mean it...

While the expression is remain unseen...I whisper....Everything will be fine...It will just be a sunny day again..

While the feeling remain the same...even i meet with different kind of people...Different comrades that surround me...Still the one that i yearn for will always be same....

While the world seems impossible,i believe i could make it possible...i believe i could hold the hand that i hope for so long...

While pretending is the appropriate to describe the aura...but no one could keep it a secret for long...From the red dress to the unlucky ants....I will always remain here...

And its all about.....

And its all about patience..

And its all about belief.....

And its all about understanding....

And its all about hope.....

And its all about miracle in life.....

And its all about it.......

7 days

1st day...it will be always about searching my inner strength....because right now,all cells are being affected by the disease...Miracle it is Ramadan.

2nd day...I raise both of my arms...asking from Him and Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam to guide me...To forgive my sin...while i'm a sinner,i also a human being..And that explain everything.Miracle i have brothers.

3rd day....My mind is somewhere else....it just would not stay at one place...It will wonder and assume...Miracle the roar reminds me.

4th day....I realize what does it mean to be human..What does it means that TheProphet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam lives within me...Miracle i being granted my wishes.

5th day...I grasp all the air...and again i rise as the crusader...cause once i was a fallen giant but that fighting spirit sparkle once again.Miracle is i never give up.

6th day....Their faces came to my vision...The brotherhood...the memories....the path that i chose...and then a soul name present took place...it told me...You could not change the past but you could change the end...Its up to you to choose..If you keep dwelling on the past,you will be a disgrace to the mankind...If you keep moving,you will be a legacy...I as the present will walk beside you and the future is waiting for you....so i choose to keep moving... because someone keeps whispering...telling me...Ilyas,you are much stronger than you thought...Miracle is the story will not be the same again.

7th day....I'm smiling...because i get trough it once again...Miracle is we live under one blue sky.

Wow,that's one hell of step...But hey,what's the point believing in miracle when you never use it..Think..It just takes 7 days.

This is my way of.....

Now i understand what does it mean to be free...you know...to be alone at my room...fill with different kind of books...not to mention the temptation to sleep for long hours....and hey...i managed to break out from the cage that i built in my mind....

To learn something will never ever be meaningful unless you learn what the outside world mean...you just need to apply what you had learn along these years so you could see the benefit of that small amount of knowledge...

Like there is a difference between ilm and makrifah...while ilm is to know the details and application...while makrifah is to know something in a very limited volume...( now,that structure is wrong )

But hey, be free...but be aware of your surrounding....freedom...use it wisely...while work without fun make jack a dull boy....so enjoy every moment...learn...and apply...learn to take a risk...

And i just learn it today....so just free to be you...roar...now that's remind me of someone....haha

My heart

This is what i have been longing for....For the Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam to flourish my heart once again with love...because i believe only with Him i could raise once again...Its gonna be hard...but yah...all i need is just hope...

Clear the blockage

That's why knowing is not the same of experiencing it....Suddenly the words...the condolences....the willingness....when thanks will never be enough....so i presented my gratitude for making the sleeping lion raises once again....

While i perceive...to move forward...someone just have to erase the past...but i also believe the past will be the enthusiasm for someone to keep moving till the soul depart from that lonely body...

But hey...whenever i'm sad...whenever i'm gonna break into pieces...i realize there will always be someone to pick me up and stay by my side forever even when the eyesight is unclear...i feel the presence always....

I just......

Now a new chapter of my life had just begin...which i assume should be better than before...i should be stronger than my previous hours...and most of all,my heart is totally calm....but damn..that's all just an assumption....

The real me at this moment...i'm lost and not to mention the heart that's full of fragile compartment...and i just got astray in my own long journey...and that's so pathetic...

I tried to share with someone though...but hey...no one would care anywhere...I tried to ignore the presence...but my heart always worry about the details...I even tried not to think about it...but this mind had started to downgraded itself from the standard of a wise man to naive of an infant...and that's suck....

So i search around me...something or someone that could inspire my sight and of course to reopen the ventilation that had been stuck in me for a while...wow...i found nothing...while crying will not help...so i suppress the feeling till it destroy my limb that i could not walk no more as a gentlemen...it even destroy my box of emotion that make me wonder what does love means once to me...and does true love ever exist in this world that rotate every few sec....

I wonder...

So a story that i started....will be a point where my journey will begin once again...not as a warrior that defend its love..but as a crusader that search for the true meaning of love...and i start with that one step....

Envoke

Finally...The Rock has come back to his best...

Gonna write again..

Gonna share again...

Gonna raise again...

The best it is...

The best it was...

And the best it will be...

Not yet

No No No....

Just wanna share a video..not gonna start to write yet...Still trying to free myself from this inextricably situation....hehehhehe

Last chapter

Ok announcement...i guess this will be my last chapter for the season...gonna be away for awhile...maybe a month or more...

And looking back at my older posts...from the journey of my own feeling...to be loved...to love....to be hurt...to deceived people trust...to miss someone

The story of 'she'...part of me...my family...friends...people that surrounds me...memoirs for mom...changes...

I just wanna say thanks to all of you that take your time to read my posts...sorry for the usage of grammars till the sentences context.I appreciates it alot...

It had been a wonderful journey with all of you....

Result

And now what....

Guess i'm getting use to do things my own way...No one to talk to...no one to share what i feel deep inside...but hey...i'm ok..everything just fine...no need to complain...i could do whatever i wanted to...take my own sweet times...except the sharing session with a human being is what i miss most...i'm not trying to gain your symphaty...but that's mankind afterall...they need someone to pour what they feel inside..the fear...the anxiety....the interminable moment of waiting....

Yah...just got a wake up call...my result had arrived at my arabic literature faculty...wow...i'm trying not to think about it...but hey...i'm really anxious to know about the result...i need to go trough this obstacle...i just wanted to complete my study here and then i could continue to do what i wanted to do...

You know...to continue my study at MDIS...Taking a Diploma in mass communication...get a job...earn a salary...start saving...take care of my parent...and yah..who knows i might get marry...but yah...it still along way to go...but as long i'm breathing...i will try to accomplish as much as i can...and that's all will never happen without the permission of The Gracious Allah and The Most Beloved Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...when the road is getting tough...i will just have to be tougher...

Yah...the presence of the result just get on my nerves...For once...a favour to my audiences..please pray for me...i really need it badly...

Change

As i opened my eyes, i viewed my surrounding. Everything is still at the same place. My books are not in order. The desk is still in a mess but hey it's morning. A new day, a new experience and a new moment..

I assume that's all about changing...The world is changing..When 15 years ago Tora was highly demanded by kids...but today Tora is just a memoir of the past.My parent is getting older..My sister had been married for 4 years...my brother is gonna finish his NS and my small sister get promoted to pri 6....While for me..i'm gonna be a year older next year..wow..27...it seems like a suitable age for me to come out from hideout...

As a creation that called mankind..all of us will go trough different learning process..not forgetting the changing process..The day when i learned howto smoke a cigarrete and today it just become my bad habit...15 years ago when i'm ashamed to hold hand with my beloved mother.but today i yearn to be with her every sec...from an infant and i become an adult..some of my friends are getting married..some of them are husband and wife...even a throng of comrades had further their studies for higher degree..and all of us face that changes..although that changes will not be in the same features..

Only there is only a thing that all of us share in common..The heart i called the term...All of us will experience what does love means..what is it to hate..to be admired...and the uneasy feeling to miss someone that is far from our eyesight...but will the feeling change...yah,i will not deny the fact that even the heart changes...but because of the faith, it will remains still...and because of the faith..the heart will continues to understand and believe till death do all of us apart.While the heart could not carry the heavy burden alone..Therefore, it's in needs to find a companion to share what it had been keeping alone...not to shift the burden but to share...The faith to believe...the faith to wait...and the stronger your faith is...the stronger it will stand and will never tilt...but a change is a must..and to change is to move forward....to be better....

Abbreaviating for all of us to adapt to changes....Move forward...improve yourself...accept the changes as challenges...and the heart that being created in you, hold it dearly...because at the end of the day...only with the strong belief will triumph...

Friend, Special one and Marriage

And here i am...I'm tired but i guess wherever i'm damn tired...Lots of ideas will come to my mind..Well for today,my schedule was a bit hectic...I went to The Mosque Of Dandrawi to perform my friday prayer..Ate two bowl of Adas...it's a simple gulf cuisine but trust me...It is super delicious..I spent half of day over there till Asar prayer...Went home...chat with Hasi for awhile..He gave me tips how to loss some weight...Hey,he is an instructor of Singapore Malay Martial Arts...Standing ovation..Clap..Clap...

Then went for a jog..did some skipping and weight lifting...Hey,15 kg guys...need to push myself a little bit more...and then meet some of my friends..we played squash again with newly bought rackets....and spent for an hour at kelantan restaurant...and here i am again in front of the laptop...

With all the activies...i guess my mind was distracted a bit from thinking about something that is not certain..The feel of missing someone....

Ironically when we talk about friends, the special one and marriage...These three are totally different status either on written document..on the facebook..the responsibilities...but there is one thing in common...Love...whatever you called it..mutual love...unconditional love...but at the end of the it is still called love...and this love is being accompany by a syllable name trust...your love will be test..therefore to trust is a must...

To trust in friendship...to trust your special one...to trust in your marriage...You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough.

Weight

Ok...i'm so super tired right now...but i guess,hey..it is still early over here..so i switch on the on loan laptop and post something...the more i write..the more i will learn how to write better....the more i learn to generate my ideas...

So what about we talk about weight...when i look at my previous body weight..from 65 kg in 2000 then 90 kg in 2007 and 85 kg at this moment..hey..what had i been doing..but then when i look around,there is quite a person that could loss their weight any moment...when they face problems...when they do intensive exercise...and yah..i face problems...but i gain weight...i do exercise..i jog..skip...weight lifting..but just 5 kg....

and that is just ridiculous..come on...i could not compare myself to others...because the most important thing when there is a will there will always a way...thats why the terminology of patience is easily said then done...the terminology to wait is much easier to understand than to act on it...and the attitude to have an instant result is just totally unacceptable...

In everything that we initiate, needs time...you just can't jog for an hour an expect to loss 10 kg..take things step by step...and now..i have to loss 15 kg in 4 months time...85 kg - 15 kg = 70 kg...Is it possible? The motto impossible is nothing is ambiguous...but guess what..i will try till the end...when it is impossible...create the possibilities....now that a quote..:D

Advancement is good

Let's sing along...



Let's fulfill the promises that we had made...



That's why use the technologies to your advantage...

Sick

While today is like any other day..sunshine...hot and most of all there is still quite few books that i have to read...you know,knowledge is power...i just attended programmers meeting just now..just took a tablet of panadol..and later in the evening gonna meet up with my friends to play squash...a recent activity...

Life is just a routine...you have to schedule your time...and most of all..to enjoy what you are doing...and try to make it beneficial...while the vocab of boring never exist in my life dictionary..however it almost did..but hey..i survived another day....and yah..i just pick up a new activity...to do house chores..it is interesting though..to keep your house clean and most of all to practice cleanliness...and well..it is also part of faith....

Now what

1st korean movie that i watched with my mother..and yah,the song that i do not understand but somehow it touch my mother heart...recommended by my mom though...should try and watch it...

the wind is shaking the windows,and over my small room,
the stars fill up the sky, shining brightly too many to count,
the stars reassure tired me
they wipe away the many tears that are deep inside me

don’t be hurt too much..they hug me tight and pamper me
and comfort me,
telling me to go to sleep

though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk
though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars, forever

My dream is coming. though it is unusual that my one star is bright
it is very bright, even blinding..it comes down to my shoulder
stop being so sad..it holds my hand as it touches me
and gives me a warm hug

though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars, forever

Only for today, I won’t cry though my eyes fill with tears
I want to laugh like those stars
Oh~ I want to cherish all my happy moments deep inside my heart
Like those countless number of stars, forever

Goodnight

One of the song i recently listen to...and i started to understand people feeling...and appreciate it better...




And i would like to say...accidents could happen...but no matter what...please don't ever give up....i pray that you will raise again...



And if you ever need anything...i will be always be here...




But for now....i will pray for your success..happiness..and pray that we will get to meet again...sorry if i ever lied to you..it might not change anything..but i will change to be better...sleep well and sweet dreams....

Family ( finale )

And we meet again...i guess this will be the finale...and after this i should take a long rest.....haha

Family...what does family really means to me....

You see my dear...i was brought up by a surrounding of family without relatives..and so left my mother,father and 3 siblings..include me will be 4....and so my future wife to be the only criteria that come to my mind is to accept my mother as how she is...you know...she nags alot...she like to cry over small matters...

and then new family enter into my life....my friends...Mudaris.....Usrah Dandrawiah...

I guess that's all to it...i do not really gonna talk much for my finale...because i review my previous post...wow...that's a long composition....

While i guess this will be the end...Now you already know 1/2 of me...

My love story ( part 3 )

Welcome back....

Thanks for taking your time to read the posts...although i realize most of the post had make some confusion..bad grammar...wrong usage of vocab...and worse when some of the messages do not convey to all of you...Therefore i would like to say thanks once again and appreciate for your presence...


Ironically that's me...while you understand a gist of my love story,i guess you should understand me as a person..i'm a guy who never really shows what i feel deep inside..sometimes i intend to run away from all the grief and pain...but the pain will not stop..i felt useless..and along the way i'm getting matured..i started to understand why we suffer because of love...and that's all thanks to the Companion of Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam....

Their love toward Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam is pure without asking anything in return...They went to war...They gave their everything for Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam..and after all that suffering they endured, not even once they complaint..The faith that instill within them make them the Rijal Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...

Have you ever heard a story of a Companion that was so sad when he served Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...So Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam ask him,Why do you look sad? The Companion replied: I'm sad because when i leave this world for the hereafter,i might not get to be with you in heaven...because You will be among An-Nabiyin and As-Siddiqin and i'm far from that...and if i'm gonna be thrown in hell..that will be unluckiest thing for me because i will never ever get to see you again...Salawatullahi Wassalaam smile and reply: The lover will be with his love ones....

A Companion that never asked for heaven but just a hope to be with His beloved Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...And therefore they The Companion endured everything just for Him Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...

Therefore inside me,the love towards Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam is strong but i will never ever declare that into words..because at these days my action is totally ambivalence...A love that you could never ever compromise...and at my current state,i do not believe i could do it yet...

While loving The Best Creation is totally different from loving just a creation...because Him Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam will never leave us..He lives within us..while the relatives and strangers that are dear to us are otherwise...

So from the 'she' i learned to trust and the heart of human being is not under our power to control it...It is all the work of The Creator from the start...Therefore i will always pray for 'she' to be happy and keep on moving...and i just wanted to tell 'she' that i will always be here....and if one day,'she' gonna leave me...i will cry but i will be ok...as long 'she' are gonna be happy it will be enough for me...I just have to let it go when its happen...and i could not hang on it for long because it just gonna make 'she' suffocated....

Unfortunately the curiosity will not be ease yet...who is this 'she' i'm praying for...for this,please let me keep it as my precious secret...

I would also plead to all of you to forgive me if i ever lied..hurt your feeling...and worse if i make you to look at me in disgust...becauseof what i kept inside for interminable time cause me to die slowly.....Somehow i started to see that at the end of the day,i'm gonna be alone because what comes around goes around....and that will be the atonement...but could i endure it..i don't think so..i need to cling on someone...there is even once i complain to God..dear Allah,if people surround me gonna be hurt because of my presence...please make them leave me..and replace it with someone who could make them smile again....but the one thing i assure you....

I'm changing....and this i promise

Haha...i guess that's it...wow...i could cry right now....since it really comes from bottom of heart...so i guess now you understand 3/8 of me...

Clarification ( Extended Version )

David Cook - Come Back To Me (Official Music Video) - More bloopers are a click away

4 things....( part 2 )

Ok...and here i am again...the weather is hot these few days..even at night though...anyway,i would like to continue where i stop from my previous post...and at this moment i would like to share with all you about 4 things...it might be what would i like to do in future...things i rather forget...my vision...and yah not forgetting my likes and dislikes...so here goes....

There are 4 things that i would like to do in future..it might look impossible but every things there will be always possibilities...

1st: I really wish i could go for bungee jumping...you know,throwing yourself from a very high place and with hope the knot that being tied to both of your leg will not get scrappy...or else...you complete the sentence...Its like a test of courage for me...something that teach yourself to take challenges..not to be afraid to face obstacles even at the crucial moment...and if i die..hey,it is just the cause..everyone will die one day somehow.....

2nd: To pursue my study to the higher level as i could...i aim that i would continue my master degree when i'm 30 and doctorate when i'm 35....and of course i will get marry 1st and make sure that my wife will continue hers study as well....Is it gonna be hard..you know,to support your wife and also the expenditure for both of us in studies...When there is a will there will be always a way...it is just like,understand your situation but do not make it as an excuses for you not to move on..ahah..and the course...its either language or history....

3rd: To quit smoking...this will be the hard part...not gonna brag about this...haha

4th: To work either as a journalist for newspaper or a correspondence for al-jazirah...big dream hah..so its gonna mean i have to work harder....

While thats for the future and what about my hobby...basically i do not have certain hobbies except there are certain things that i prefer to do than doing the other things..got what i mean.so ambivalence,,,

1st: I prefer to read books about language because it is my passion,politics because it make me aware about the situation and enviroment, history..yah because we will never understand the state we are in right now unless going back to the past..manga..come on,i need some entertainment...and yah,now i started to read novels by Mitch Albom...oho..it just make my eyes moist..

2nd: While i prefer to watch anime than anything..i'm not a tv man..i do not even watch tv when i'm at high school..but somehow anime really make me hook..it is more,once you get hook you will never really gonna escape from it..Naruto Shippuuden is my favourite..Now i'm sound childish..

3rd: I prefer listen to rock music than ballad...but ballad still could be accepted...but Nasyid..NO NO...

4th: If you gonna make me choose between coffee or tea..i will choose coffee...but for now,i have to cut down drinking coffee..it just make my teeth stain with it..a mix of cigarrete just gonna make it worse...

As a person i also had my love and hate towards something or someone...

1st: i love to kiss my mother forehead..while i hate people do something to hurt her even in a smallest way...

2nd: i love meeting new acquitance because from them i gain new experiences while i hate people are boastful ( the terms will be champion ) haha

3rd: i love receive message or call from her although seldom...i say her memories are like goldfish...you know to forget easily...i will message you later...but she forget...haha..but i'm ok with it. she say,the goldfish is just a myth...hate because i'm far away physically from her but she will always remains here to be my light...

4th: i love to test my endurance but hate if i give up in the middle..( fortunately i have never give up yet )

While there are dates that i will always remember, there will also be an event that i rather forget...

1st: 22nd March 1983 because it is my birthday...if i could forget my birthday i will never know i'm 26 right now....

2nd: 2nd Dec 2000...it is my last day at my school before i transfer to Aljunied...remembering that day...haha..not gonna mention it over here...

3rd: 21st April 1998 and yah..the day my mom try to kill herself..now that scary....

4th: 1st of March 2008...the 1st day i work at mosque..and i do not really recommend it..its better to be a student...The students two thumbs up while other than that...tho thumbs down..does the term ever exist...

Last but not least my vision as a person..basically this vision i put it into quote..so it will easily be remembered...so in every quote there is different vision for different purpose...

1st: I build my own empire..i have to stand on my own feet...i have to be responsible man in the future..i have to work hard for my family and i have to choose my own path..cool hah...

2nd: Jangan cakap benda yang belum jadi...while in life there will always possibilities...i will never ever put a stop on options and i would not conclude on something that seems to be futile....because i just have to try no matter what...

3rd: I will fail but i will never give up... i will fail in life...but if i give up i will never ever change anything about my failure..so i must raise again to correct what went wrong...

4th: Cry when you can...Laugh with your love ones..Enjoy the moment as long you are alive...

I guess thats it....while for the future,i might share a bit with all of you about my thought about love...do i really believe in love..is it worth to sacrifice everything....and who should we love...so till next time k..now you know 1/4 of me....

Person ( Part 1 )

You see my dear...there are 4 persons that really had mold me to what i am today..While the 1st will never exist without the 2nd...and the 3rd will never appear without the consent of the 1st and 2nd...and i do not see the 4th coming without the teaching of the 3rd...And this is my first step...

While the 1st will always be my mother...a person that i spend most of my time with her when i'm small...a person that i always left her alone when i'm a teenager...and i yearn to be with her every second when i'm an adult...

Ironically my mother never taught me what love is...she is so firm with her decision..fragile at the heart but she is not fickle...and if you gonna ask me what i really learn from my queen..it will be the caring attitude...my mom will always care for me even though i made big mistakes..and i mean really big...she will scold me..hit me with whatever she could grab...but at the end of day she will comfort me...Once i thought, if you gonna comfort me at the end why do you hit me at the 1st place...is it because you could comfort me....

But then i realize,she did what she had to did..because she really care for me...and yah..she really do...

While the 2nd person will be always my father...i never really understand my father...i never really spend time with him..except once at hawker center near sembawang ( now that reminds me of Singapore )

He never really shows what he feel..But of all of his attributes that i respect and learn until now is the sense of responsibility...Not even once he complain about work..not even my father scold my mother...and not even once he neglect his responsibilities as a husband or father...For me,he is a guy that knows what he is doing...while he is not perfect but he is just perfect as a husband and father...

I had asked him once why he never like get angry towards my mother...You know,my mother always nag alot..and i mean alot...So he taught me...You see,if we just gonna react trough from what we see then we will never understand the second party..but if we look trough their eyesight you will understand their pain...So i always look from yours mother eyesight.

Am i gonna be a husband that will defend his wife?am i gonna be a good father...while i do not really sure but i'm really sure that i could be one...

The 3rd will always be my Mudaris Iskandar...a person that i respect not just because of his knowledge but his eagerness to make me better and better...and he is a stranger to start with...The 1st time when i learn from him..it is more like an army camp..There are rules...sign in..sign out...and most of all he is a perfectionist...While the day of national service had gone but only what one thing still remain in him..The eagerness to learn...the attitude of taking iniative..and most of all to defend me when i'm in big trouble...

There is a story that i would like to share..during Ramadan at the year 1999....My mudaris was discussing with his friends of the same age about the cuisine that will serve to us during Ramadan..So during that discussion,one of them suggested to give us porridge and he said that will be just enough...

Suddenly the environment become silence...My mudaris raised his voice up and scolded that unlucky fellow..He said..if they are your son,would you give them just porridge..You answer me...If we do not care for them, then why the hell we expect big from them...As long they are my student, i will treat them as my sons..i will defend them no matter what...and to make them better person i'm willing to be the big bastard..

So from then on...A mudaris he is..a fatherly figure he is to me..and a brother that i'm willng to fight side by side....

Talking about the year of 1999..there are 4 dates i will never forget..
Saturday,6th of april 1957 because it is my mother b'day..
Saturday,21st august 1999because it was the day i met her..
Saturday,26th of july 2003 because it was the day i almost die..
Saturday,14th of Feb 2009 because it was the day i hurt her and change almost everything....

While the last person it will be Akhina Musa...A white hair guy..someone that will encourage me no matter what..never ever get tired with me...and yah...There are lots of things that i learn from him...but one of the things that i really appreciate..is the character to be patience...

I never really and not even once i guess i had look an anger on his face....He is one of the person that i really trust..and guess what,if you really want to know the other part of me..you may ask him...

Once i told him..that i'm a sinner...and the reaction from him make me breaks into tears...He smiled and said..All of us are not perfect..that's why we make mistake...as long you are alive..appreciate what you got..pray for them who left you..and be good to everyone...while we remember our birthday..hope one day those people will remember our date of death because of our good deeds...While Allah is so forgiving..human is otherwise...So be grateful because you and i are still alive...

So that's it..i care for you because i learn it from my mother...i am still learning to be a responsible person because that what my father impart to me...and i may be a bad person...i might look obnoxious but i will defend for you no matter what because thats what my mudaris shared with me...Once i'm short tempered but today i'm more patience..i'm not sure why..but i guess it is all because of him..Akhina Musa...While the 4 dates are days that i will never forget...these 4 persons will always someone that i look up on....

Hope you knows 1/8 of me..

Part of me

Somehow today i was being granted an inspiration to share with all of you..so i have decided to talk part of me...part of me that had mould me to what i am today..while there are memories that i would like to eradicate...and there are also memories that i would never ever forget...

Therefore i'm gonna talk about my experiences...person that had taught me...the date that i will never forget...my vision...my present mission..things that i would like to do before i left this world...things that i totally regret...so on and so forth...

And i gonna break it to 4 parts..which i guess the core of the title while in each chapter i will try to share with all of you what i think that you should know about...with hope you could learn something from my journey....So let the journey begins............

Memoirs for mom ( updated version )

When someone dear to me said, i wrote letters to my mom whenever i feel sad...whenever i feel i need to share something...and talk to her about my daily lifes....although that letters never really reach her mother... so she called the memoir 'letters to mom '..but i believe her feelings will reach her mother..while Allah is just,so i pray that the heart of hers will be console...while the past title was my bad so i change memoirs for mom....because a wake up call i guess...the title letters for mom is just not right for me to use it..therefore i would like to apologize...maybe because of the title i just cause a quite volcano to erupt...now i'm in guilt...

Guess that it is...no matter who you are....there will no place for anyone to replace our irreplaceable mother..even names,act.even a present...it is not about the present but it is about from who and to who...even when a stranger comes and to try to comfort us..as though to be second in command for our mother....it will never ever change anything...because in this life we are only grant with one mother...

A place that we will lean,a shoulder that will carry the burden for us...a shoulder to cry...that will accept our shortcomings...that will motivates us in anywhere...and yah...we gonna miss them when they leave us for the hereafter....so while they are still alive,appreciate them..our mothers...take good care of them...and when they left us...cry....pray and believe that they will always up there looking upon us...

So specially for my mother...i miss you mom...nah..she not gonna read this blog...but hey,mom knows their son and daughter the best...and for her...please do really take care of yourself...your mom is watching over you...and for you...make your mother happy as long as you can...because you never know when will be the last time you saw that smile on your mother face...