Step by step

Slowly i take my step..and slowly i'm getting there..it is still out of my reach..but i believe i could arrive safely..

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person... each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us...and because of that i will keep moving...

Language and me

Although it had got nothing to do with what i'm gonna share with all of you...but i guess the connection is there..you see,my passion towards language had been nurtured in me since i'm young..from the day where i looked at language from an angle but today i had managed to see it from different angles...

And of course by the assistance of peoples surround me and also books..and i mean good books..such as empire of words..a book that discussed about the 1st language that came to earth..and from the language itself someone could trace his own history...not forgetting a book title the evolution of language...About how a particular words could evolved from times to times..example,Arsenal..is actually taken from the arabic language that said dar sina'ah...not gonna explain about it over here...

It seems when something or someone dear to you...you will strive to give the best in it..You will do some additional research just for the sake of it..her..him...Touching..you will put an extra effort...and it just because of your passion..you so compassionate...With the hope,that dream will become a reality...an ambition that you give your everything just to achieve it..but does it worth?i shall say yes...because along that way, you will gain something that i called it as experiences...an experiences that will nurture your mind,purify your soul and expand your circle of new acquaintances.and of course,there will be no easy way out..to win a heart,you should sacrifice your own...to achieve what you dream for,you should faces an obstacles...and if you gives peanut...a monkey will surely be by your side..

By the way, i feel so hopeless right now...please grab my hand someone...

ATTACKING PLAN OF THE ENEMIES OF ISLAM AGAINST SAIYIDINA MUHAMMAD RASULULLAH sollallahu'alaihiwassalam

The new attacking plan focuses on two accusations:

The First Accusation: Irtibat (Binding) of one’s self with the Prophet sollallahu'alaihiwassalam is polytheism and blasphemous.

Islam indeed is different from other religions because no religious leader has the right to alter obligatory practices or modify the structure of the Muslim Ummah. While in some popular major religions, religion itself is an interpretation and a limitation of faith. Some other religions might even have appointed a religious leader with the authority to pass a new law which is not based on previous religious sources and to allow him to change religious laws to suit modern advances and demands.

As there is no authority for any Islamic religious leader to change religious laws, every Muslim has his own responsibility to know the necessary believes about His Exalted God and about His Prophet sollallahu'alaihiwassalam. Although there is no prohibition that restricts a Muslim to heed the speeches of Islamic scholars and accept their views, he must be mindful, aware, able and cautious that he is solely responsible, and that he should not stop thinking and analyzing for himself to the extent of fully submitting his problems to a religious scholar.

This is because the only person who is flawless in His speeches and actions is Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam, while any religious scholar may still be erroneous and fallacious. Therefore, we must acquire our faith from the book of Allah the Exalted One and the words of the Chosen Prophet sollallahu'alaihiwassalam, bearing in mind that even the speeches of Islamic scholars must contain Al-Quran Al-Karim and Al-Hadis Asy-Syarif. Hence, we accept views from Islamic scholars that conform to Al-Quran and Al-Hadis but not those that contradict them. Thus, Islam does not allow anyone to scrutinize and analyze Islam as he wishes. Instead, he must be responsible to Allah SWT and his first responsibility is towards himself.

Therefore, if there is someone who makes an allegation that binding oneself with the Prophet sollallahu'alaihiwassalam is blasphemous and is astray from monotheism, a Muslim should neither worry nor unbind himself from Saiyidul Basyar Muhammad Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam as a result of the intimidation. Instead, he must use his mind and look into religious resources and question the accuser for preserved evidences that are rational which, as a result, can pacify the heart.

If a Muslim has used his mind in understanding the concept of Irtibat with the Prophet sollallahu'alaihiwassalam until he is convinced that it is not polytheism or blasphemous, he will realize that polytheism is worshipping a person and liken him to Allah SWT. This is impossible and will not happen to the One who has been given supremacy by Allah SWT as the Chosen One sollallahu'alaihiwassalam, as based on two reasons:

First reason: Verily, through the evidences of Al-Quran Al-Karim, Allah SWT has protected His Chosen Messenger sollallahu'alaihiwassalam to differ from the behaviour of humans. The most important, general and everlasting conserved phenomenon in the history of mankind is that Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam is protected from being worshipped by humans. That is why Muslims had never and will never worship their Prophet sollallahu'alaihiwassalam. This is to protect Muhammad Rasulullahsollallahu'alaihiwassalam.

Second reason: Indeed, monotheism has been in the hearts of Muslims and on the lands of the Muslim Ummah. Upholding the religion is the sufficient proof that a Muslim will never fall into polytheism. Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam says, which means, “By Allah, indeed I do not worry if all of you will fall into polytheism after my departure, but I worry if all of you debate about it.”

If a Muslim uses his mind to ponder, he will realise that this binding is a relationship between two of the same kind (between humans). Therefore, if a Muslim is to unbind himself from Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam, who should he bind with in order to build the Ummah to ensure its continuity?

The Second Accusation: The roles of Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam had ended upon His death.

We observe that the ‘destroyers’ have attempted to change their strategies that aim to hurt and antagonize the Prophet sollallahu'alaihiwassalam directly by introducing new plans. Thus, from one aspect, they had asserted the value and power of Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam that He is an exalted person. They managed to influence the Ummah at that time and attempted to change the society and civilization. However, at the same time, they strived to diminish the greatness of Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam by spreading ideologies: This great person had delivered what he brought and had already left; he had delivered the Message to us and then ‘died’; he had completed his job; all the work had been done by Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam had been delivered and had ended at his time and do not continue in the following generations of the Ummah. The Ummah then, following his death, must believe for themselves and work hard to face changing facts and events by themselves.

In other words, these ‘destroyers’ have tried to silence the majority of Muslim Ummah in defending the Prophet sollallahu'alaihiwassalam. They have tried to erase the sayings of the Prophet sollallahu'alaihiwassalamwith regards to obligatory matters. Then, they have allowed the Muslim Ummah to read the Al-Quran with new methods that aim to promote modern thinking that explain Al-Quran and Islam to them in general. This is how we see in programmes that have been aired where we can almost find and hear some preachers who claim that it is time to produce ‘new prophets’ to explain about Islam and the unity of its Ummah.

Thus, these ‘destroyers’ believe that as an alternative to their efforts to belittle Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam, they strive to free the Muslim Ummah and isolate them from Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam. They have also attempted to change the resources that needed interpretation and further explanation by inserting varying versions. In other words, they open a wide path and directly resulted in the Muslim Ummah explaining Islam from their own perspectives, and unite Muslims through their lies. They will then successfully implement their plans by claiming that Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam has died and his roles in the lives of the Muslim Ummah have ended.

http://alusrahdandarawiyah-sg.com/

A promise

Have you ever break your promise? Would you ever spit on someone face when he granted your wishes?

I had did it a lot...But at this sec..i will fulfill what i promised to someone...and would never turn back even though i'm given a choice to choose..i'm not gonna fight my fate no more..i'm not gonna even think about my destiny...a path of a warrior i chose...and as a warrior i should die...

And it is because i made a promise.

The End

Will you marry me?

Alright..i'm not gonna settle down yet brothers and sisters..although i'm 26..but it still considerably young..is it? just cross my mind this proposal phrase..What is the feeling when someone decided to spend another half of his years with his love ones..Is it everything? or is it part of everything?

When someone decided to propose,what is the feeling of the bride to be? excited...confusion..or maybe she feel,he is the one..because to choose your life partner needs something that i called acceptance...we intend to fix someone from our point of angle..we also will accept someone to our own preferences..is it a right thing to do?i don't quiet agree with it..accept who she/he is.

You tell me...

Sweet Talk

Alright...now the title was a bit ridiculous..but somehow it is interesting when that attitude is being link with a guy like me..and gosh..it could do wonders and it also could destroy your credibility when you are trying to be sincere...

As a person...i'm sure i'm rough..i'm not that lenient when i gave out an order..stern at times and of course i'm born with the face of caesar if only you do not know me well...but then sweet talker i'm..maybe yes or maybe not at all...

I have been trying all these times to tell people how much i care for them..i just would like to say i miss them so much...That i'm willing to do anything..i mean anything for them...and the problems,i always lie but i called it as rhetoric..my advice,never ever believe 100% what i say..it is your job to evaluate my statement and to help me to be better..but hey,i guess their judgments is something that i should think about...i'm sure that i still have alot to learn about sincerity...pride and dignity should goes fine with it...however,thanks to you all..action speaks louder than words..and i believe in it totally...rindu awak..( oh ok..i'm still a malay )

Face of the Devil

Have you ever felt a moment of calmness..a moment that nothing is more precious than the conference between you and The Creator alone...And then,appear the devil to destroy that moment..it broke into pieces...it just did...but no one is complaining...But the feeling of emptiness is being filled with appreciation except the devil taint it again and again...

And come an angel..persuade the priestess to raise again and curse the devil...together they whisper the divine language and thee devil run away..crying and seek for shelter...He is bruises all over his body..do i really belong to hell? said the devil to himself..and while looking at his own injury..he realizes that he is also a creation of The Creator..and he started to ponder..would i be like the priestess..who is being guide by the angel...Oh no..i would not ever be like her..i'm just a disgrace to the mankind...people are disgusted with me..they will never accept me again..

Suddenly, he felt something inside his chest..he felt he had a heart..a heart that had being tainted with sins..a heart that never care about others..a heart that is full of darkness..and he said to himself, i'm just gonna be all alone in hell and no one will care for me...

And realizing about his action towards the priestess..he raises his arms and ask The Creator...Oh Creator...please guide her in her journey..please,i beg you to invite her in your warmth embrace..so that she will be strong..and never again to be deceive by the words of devil like me..and Creator..only you understand what she feel..so please protect her from the likes of me..If by destroying me could make her life better..with the companion of the angel..i hope you will do so...if only that will make me look the smile of sincerity on her face again and the trust in her heart...

The devil walk..mesmerizing on his lip of betrayal...with the hope that his request will be answered...And come to him a boy of his past..and said...Devil..you are cruel to the priestess and you always do..You should rip off that devil heart of yours and start to learn to appreciate her more..even the angel could not do so..why you asked to be destroyed when you should be the one to amend your own wrong doings..you should decide..and the boy slowly vanish from the devil eyesight...

The devil mourns..and he feel the skin of his heart is rip bit by bit...a closet he found..and slowly he approach the closet wondering what is inside...and there he saw a light that shining bright...soaking with tears...he entered and sat beside the light...and the light whisper...dear devil..i'm so cold..don't weep..i had gone a lot of obstacles more than you...It is only i'm not strong enough no more...Luckily you open the closet...The devil startled and said...dear light..i'm just a devil...

Yes you are..but the heart will always be purify if you just let it to...and if you do not mind...let me accompany you..with hope i will be stronger and you will be better...and then i might trust you a little..and slowly she embraces the devil in her warmth and whispers..Devil, even though you hurt me,i will always gonna accept you...because that is my responsibilities as a priestess...and maybe one day my heart will be full of love towards you....

And the devil feel calm.....

Unplugged

Pearl jam..My favorite band ever..And till this moment i'm still listening to that kind of genre of music..Rock..and they said rock never dies...

Would i read and hold strong to the divine language one day..The Quran..To ponder it..the eagerness to understand the saying of The Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam..Hadith is the title..

When will i be able to change to be better...A muslim i am..the faith of believing in The only God...the faith of binding only to The Zaim Salawatullahi Wassalaam..but the action is totally contradict with the faith..Is it a sign of infidel..or the ainun nifaq..Nah..not going to conclude it..it just make my veins shiver...

But being alive is the only thing i really appreciate...because as long i breathe in the air..i believe there will be always chances for me to amend all the mistake..to repent on all the sins that i convict...to ask for forgiveness...and most of all to equip myself with the heart of warrior...and that's the opportunity Allah gives to his creation..An opportunity to walk again to his path...a chance to redeem oneself..but walking alone is gonna be impossible..Therefore Allah put inside all of us The Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam to accompany this journey..A journey that is full of obstacles..Not to mention surprises...and in every tests there will always a reward for us to gain...

Funny...when i look at my surrounding..A bunch of people that live with the affiliations as a muslim..and act as though they understand islam totally...as though they knew everything...and others know nothing...And i'm just so frustrated to see that...

I'm so exhausted..somehow i would like to meet someone that could teach me how to decipher the code in heart..so i could express my feeling freely...praying to Allah,asking The Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam to guide and raise her spirit again...I hope it is still not too late...Ooh..my vision is getting blurry...


Pearl Jam : Alive


"Son," she said, "have I got a little story for you...
What you thought was your daddy was nothin' but a...
While you were sittin' home alone at age thirteen
your real daddy was dyin'. Sorry you didn't see him, but I'm glad we talked..."

Oh I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey, I, I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey...oh...

Oh, she walks slowly, across a young man's room.
She said "I'm ready...for you..."
"I can't remember anything of this very day,
'cept the look, the look...
Oh, you know where, now I can't see, I just stare..."

I, I'm still alive
Hey I, but, I'm still alive
Hey I, boy, I'm still alive
Hey I, I, I, I'm still alive, yeah
Ooh yeah...yeah yeah yeah...oh...oh...

"Is something wrong?" she said
Of course there is
"You're still alive," she said
Oh, and do I deserve to be?
Is that the question?
And if so...if so...who answers...who answers...?

I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey I, but, I'm still alive
Yeah I, ooh, I'm still alive
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

The names ( Grand Finale )

And then i walked again on this world..searching for answers..looking for comrades..befriends with my enemies..knowing myself..and most of all to kill the arrogance in my heart..

There i met him...a guy that i address him as our Mudaris..once he was our teacher..today he is our big brother..who will attend me when i'm in need..who will give me a valuable lessons when he thinks i need one...and not even once he disappoint my humble request..fatherly figure but yet so comfortable to be with...

And from him, i met them..who i acknowledged them as my brothers...brothers that accepted my shortcomings..lend me an ears when i'm in vain..tab my shoulder when i done a great job...and so the name of Bukhari,someone that i look up as a brother that i will console in every step of mine.Hamzah,a warrior he is and full of pride.Nas,so cool that an ice would melt.Khairil,always think out of the box.Rafi,brothers at heart and sincerity is his attitude.Andin,always wants the best in life.Qamar,a responsibility man and to have him as a father is a bless for his child.Nasir,the heart of courage is his strength.Mar,so hardworking that makes the world envy of his consistency and not forgetting a normal guy appearance but full of surprises,Rashid....

How would i also forget the name of brothers that shared my joy..taught me the meaning of brotherhood..From pre-u 2 united..to brand name of Hung-Hing...while the name fade away..Gagak Hitam was being establish...Brothers that i cared,brothers that i crumbled their hearts..will they forgive me if i'm sincere..will they accept me if i repent...I hope they will..and i will always hope they are..


The names like Zaki the most influential that could shake the world just with his presence, Hanafi who is gonna be a fatherly figure, Hamry who is so loud but kind at heart..Nazeeh who is so innocent that i wish i could turn the time again just to ask for forgiveness..Fatah,small size but full of enthusiasm,Budin the never say die attitude,Hyder who is young at age but full of experiences.Hasi so clumsy but had a vision that no one could had..Zayd who change alot but joker he is...Mizi,a mosquito we called but humble he is...Ismail not sure when he will shut up but had a soothing voice when reading the Quran..Noor Suriya a name that represent himself..always appreciate knowledge...Yasser,so easy going but stern at times...Nuzhan,a hypocrite they said but knows to comfort people gloominess..Yusof a guy who had a lot of ideas and still looking for answers..Shahid who is so patience that not even once that i notice the sign of anger on his face...The names was being mentioned..not to be forgotten while the names i failed to mentioned..because your faces will be always in my mind...

Then i met her...Before i met all of them..white shirt and red dress...love at first sight..i completely believe in it..cause till this moment the data never being deleted..the feeling still remains the same...The world called her The Light that enlighten people lives and the earth consensus is affirmative.

Along the middle..i lost the light..darkness approach me..and then i heard someone called my name..extend her hand and i hold it tight..she pulled me up and then i walked again..Feeling proud because she invited me in hers world..and the angels tell me she is Mishkah..the candles that shows the way...

When i'm about to reach the end..the candle started to fade away..saying..you have to go on by yourself..and then she left me alone..the road that looked clear begin to fogy once again...And blind i am...

I felt something..or someone...The Emotion she is hail..comes towards me and whispers at me..everything will be ok she said..i raise up again..understand that my journey is still along way to go..I search for the emotion in me..and i heard a whisper again..my job is done..it is time you believe in yourself and find what you really want...because your destiny is yours responsibility..put your faith on Allah and Rasulullah Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam..They will be your guidance till the end...

i remorse till my shirt wept...A wise man tab my shoulder..an angel i thought but a Prophet name he is..Musa met the pharoah to preach him..while Musa that attended me,give me the encouragement so that i could be a warrior..and a warrior i be..

Still unclear when i will reach the destination..Then,i smell an elegant perfume that trying to show me a sign that i could not understand yet..i try hard to find it but failure i should be..someone is holding my hand..who is she i asked..she smiled and slowly kiss my cheek...whispering, a warrior you are..a boy lives within you..a light might be your reward if only you look trough till the end in what you are being responsible for...

And she just fade away....

Good evening

I feel so lazy right now...just wanna lay back and looking at the sky that got no boundary makes me wonder..how is she? what is she doing right now?hope she is doing fine?hope she is not skipping her meals..haha..funny when this kind of feeling happens to me...it had been a very very long time since i care for a person..maybe the distance that make me feel this way..

Sorry noor..if my english grammar and structure are so terrible..maybe this is why the new school of poetry come up with with new rules and regulations for poem on the year 1909...Express your inner feeling freely..

Yah..tomorrow will be my 1st examination..hope everything will go just fine..and you know something..suddenly i felt this blog is not only a medium for me to write what i felt or my experience..but somehow i just like to write and it had been so called hobby..maybe someday i would like to write a book..with the title goes ( linguistic in the era of globalization and its affect on human emotions )..sounds cool hah...

So just wanna share with you this song by eric clapton..tears in heaven..i'm not sure about this but it somehow connected to me..haha..so so so dramatic...


Tears in heaven by Eric Clapton

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven

Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please

Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

My sacrifice

"My Sacrifice"

Hello my friend, we meet again
It's been awhile, where should we begin?
Feels like forever
Within my heart are memories
Of perfect love that you gave to me
Oh, I remember


We've seen our share of ups and downs
Oh how quickly life can turn around
In an instant
It feels so good to reunite
Within yourself and within your mind
Let's find peace there

When you are with me, I'm free
I'm careless, I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice

I just want to say hello again
I just want to say hello again

Creed:My sacrifice.

The names ( Part II )

Rizal bin Abdullah...a stranger...a friend...a family...a memory and most of all a guy who taught me a valuable lesson that had accompanied me till today..

He was guy that i met when i'm still naive..and of course i'm still at a young age..he lives beside my block during that time..a normal family..he lives with his grandmother..and of course my childhood friend although he was a bit older than me..4 years gap i should say..

But then as time passed we begun to get more closer..as though he was a big brother to me..We share our moments,our sadness and happiness..And most of all,to do the daring things in life..( evil remarks )even my mother will ask for his advice when i'm being caught smoking at the age of 9..crap

Until one fine day..when we were having fun ( don't ever do this,i repent ) at the void deck of our apartment..suddenly the environment that was full with laughter change to be so soothing and quiet..

He said: Ilyas, one day we are gonna be on our separate ways..We might not gonna meet again..But i feel glad because i met a friend like you..A stranger that become a part of my family..You should know that i do not even knew who was my parents..they left while i'm still a baby..And the only relative i have is my grandmother..and now i have you and your family...

I replied: What the fuck..come on.what the heck about..not even once i see you so emotional like this..are you gonna crazy or what..

He said: nah..just wanna act to be a cool guy..haha..

I replied: yah..whatever..

11 may 2000..Thursday..Time 4 a.m

My mother woke me up while i'm still in my own dream..and that dream became a nightmare..A guy that i hold strong..a guy that i trust...a stranger that became a family just met with a motorcycle accident..and the conversation was for real.we are going our separate ways.

The End

Treasure the moments..take accounts on all the words that being said..because it might the last time you gonna heard from your dear friends..nor girlfriend..boyfriends..wife..husband..parents..comrades..enemies..so stand beside them as long as you lives..and don't ever left them wandering alone..it just gonna cause you to miss them for the whole of your life...

We might be born apart but we will always be together forever..and there is even a time when i look at the sky and whisper to the world..How i wish i would listen to his heart....

The names ( Part 1 )

Ok...just woke up..received a bad news..cannot do anything..people talk about respect..friends..examination...future...And in every that particulars incidents there will be characters..A names of the actor and actress...And i'm the main role-play..It is because it is my life...

For years i have known a lot of peoples...with different backgrounds..some are so steeped in their own world..While others are so determined to reconcile the Ummah..While there is also a throng of people who is just getting better and better..

Some are dear to me while some are not..Some that i could consider friends and some take me as their enemy...Interesting how life it is...and today the character that had been with me along since i'm an infant is my mother...

Asnah...it should be hasnah..if you gonna look at the point of linguistic..come on don't ever think to argue with me on that..:)...the beauty...the best nature that i look up on my mother is never say die attitude..she is so sincere that makes she is always alone..Because reality is unfair to her..Everyone want to listen to good things but not the bad side of reality...

There is one incident when my mother yell at me and said..Ilyas, are you gonna be filial when i die..if that the way you are then you better go to hell...haha..bad ilyas...i'm not family oriented yet i guess..There is also a time when she beat me up like a prisoner of Guantanamo...So you should know the bruises just anywhere..But a mother is always a mother..They will regrets on their own-doings..It is not because they want to hurt others..it is just life is so unfair to them sometimes that make their reaction is totally comprehend to me when i put myself in her shoes..

Because later at night, she will enter my bedroom quietly just not to wake me up...Slowly she will attain me and apply medicine on the bruises...And while doing that she will cry..Once i heard she said..Ilyas,i'm sorry for my wrong-doings towards you..It is just i could not carry the burden of being an outcast from my own family..( long story ).And your father is always out because of his job ( i agree, i do not even remember when is the last time my father show his expression )so only to you i could express the hatred, the sadness and the depression...and i knew, my action was wrong..I'm sorry son..

I do not really understand at that moment..Because once i even said that my mother was a bad person...Oh Allah please forgive my sin towards her..Should ask forgiveness when i'm back..

And slowly time passed, and here i am..i'm 26..a man but a boy at heart..I understand one thing..to built a family is a dream for every woman..and to choose a husband is every woman wish...and to be that good husband,he is someone that will always be right there for her wife..defend her..attain her when she in needs..and most of all,a smile on that lips when they meet together in their own little world.If a success of a man beside him lays a woman..Then every happy woman beside them a man who could hold them to stand firmly...

And because a prince that is so close to his Queen..I inherit the attitude of my Queen ...very emotional..never say die..good at compress own feelings..Which i believe the names that enter in my life story..the names that i invite in my story...the names that i create in my story will just have to accept the attitude that i possess from the individual being that i respect the most..My mother..

At the end of my story, i might triumph as the warrior..i also might be the villain..even worst i might die alone..or happy ending with flowers bouquets around me...And will always be remembered as someone who left a legacy...

Therefore, i pray to Allah and ask Rasulullah Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam to take care of my only mother..the Queen of my heart..to bless her..to grant her wishes..and most of all for her to have a calm heart when she left this world for the hereafter...

Hail to The Queen..

Somehow i understand

Thanks for sharing..It means a world to me..And somehow i understand the feeling to lost your love ones...They left you when you really need them..They left you when you need someone to talk to..They left you when you need a shoulder to cry on..And the saddest part they left you and people add sadness in your life..Believe me, i would cry when i look at the sins of hurting peoples who is already hurt of their loss..Damn, should i ever be a creation that called human being with heart..I still looking for the answer..one day i should find it...



Turn away,
If you could get me a drink
Of water 'cause my lips are
chapped and faded
Call my aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things
And bury me in all my favorite colors
My sisters and my brothers, still
I will not kiss you,
'Cause the hardest part of this
Is leaving you.

Now turn away,
'Cause I'm awful just to see
'Cause all my hair's
abandoned all my body,
Oh my agony
Know that I will never marry,
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo
But counting down the days to go.
It just ain't livin'.
And I just hope you know
That if you say
Good-bye today
I'd ask you to be true
'Cause the hardest part of this
is leaving you...

'Cause the hardest part of this
is leaving you...


Cancer: My Chemical Romance

Risk Taker

I'm not sure why i'm smiling broadly today..Is it because i'm so happy..or is it the 16 hours base camp totally had help me being a better fine man..or maybe i started to understand what does love means..but the thing is..i'm happy..

When i said about being a risk taker..i really mean it brothers and sisters..you could never ever achieve nor win someone heart..whatever you name it..unless you going trough an adversity..an obstacles..it is a must..there is no easy way out..Unless you believe in yourself..then you will never walk that path as a warrior..

Come on..even during the civilization of Islam..The Companions of Rasulullah Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam faced wars..and i mean wars..a test from Allah..To test their faith Ridwanullah Alaihi towards Allah and Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam..And then,what make us so special not to faces the obstacles in our lives..Are we much better than Companions of Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam?

I'm gonna make alot of enemies..and i mean alot...I might gonna make alot of people envy of me..And if only i could prognosticate the future..Walah..it is much better..but it will be no surprise..and fortune-teller i will be..so i just believe in His fate..but i will keep trying..keep improving..keep showering that feeling with sincerity..which of course, is a bit tarnished with betrayal before..but a box of chocolate should do it for now..nah..not gonna use honey..haha

You are just gonna act awkwardly..Its so funny..but it is something you should and must do to gain whatever you ever dream before..When i look around at these tall buildings..20 floors..maybe more...to reach the top..you should take risk..you take the steps..maybe using accessories..just to reach there..

And to her...i just want she to understand that i'm gonna to prove it one more time..that i could be a person or should i say the person to take care of her..but until then i should believe..even though my message sometimes is not being replied...frustrating..but come on..she is not even your wife yet..so pray she will be great...and if you gonna meet her..enjoy the moment and just be yourself...

So until then..Just take good care of yourself..and yah..i miss my mother a lot today..and to understand a woman heart make me understand more about a mother feeling that faced alot of troubles just to take care of a boy who called ilyas..

I just not into english poem

As I sit here gazing out the window,
Instead of working, I’m daydreaming of you...
And wondering if while you’re in your own world,
You’re thinking of me too.

I reminisce about the day we met and how you made me feel,
Looking at the glowing smile on your face,
Staring into your eyes,
Your smell, your touch, your warm embrace

What a special night that was...

And now, I’m starting to feel that warmth inside,
Like nothing or no one else can make me feel...
Butterflies, a constant smile, happy thoughts,
Looking forward to the next time we meet.

What lies ahead, down the road to love?
Can it possibly be what I’ve been hoping for?
All my goals, dreams, passions, hopes...
Glaring now before me with great anticipation.

No one knows what tomorrow brings...
One can only wish and believe...
I have abounding faith that God will take care of me,
And bring the right person into my life.

Could it be you?
Time will tell...
I feel a special bond starting between us,
And so I’m truly hopeful that it is (you).


Haha...hope there will be no misunderstanding to the readers..just trying to apply my limited vocabulary...wondering when will this training will be over...

30 more pages and 2 books left..

Looking at the title itself make me wonder..Gosh...could i extend the time a bit longer..or forever...just do not want it to finish..just do not want the moment to end..If someone gonna ask you..if given a chance to be with your love one..would you like to be with him or her forever..every sec..

If you are gonna say yes..that i will say you are lying..because life is just not about him or her..You also have to think about your family that had took care of you..your comrades..anything or anyone that is precious to you need your attention..even yourself had an ambition to achieve.

If you are gonna say no..that will be ridiculous.even i will acknowledge that you do not love him or her sincerely..Because to spend wonderful moment of chit-chat..looking at the face of your love one is totally making your feeling so relax..as though you are living in heavens..There are seven..so depends on your good deeds...

So i think which might be right or wrong..To love someone is just like craving a box of chocolate..If you gonna eat too much,you will get fat..sickness..maybe heart attack and the feeling of appreciation will slowly fade away..but if you eat the chocolate with the feeling of sensation as though you are having a nice time with it..guess what..that's the moment you become one with the chocolate that melt in your mouth and not in your hand...

But to get fat eating a chocolate is not so bad as it seems...haha...not gonna brag about it no more..my advice..believe in yourself and don't push yourself to the limit that make he or she choke with your attendance..He or she needs some space to breathe...Believe me you could see at their faces...

The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You


Hoobastank

I'm free

Ironically in life you need to do something that you never ever thought you are gonna do it in life...And today i just did that...The heart that was so fragile had become one again...And it just because i let it all out from my emotional conflict..The inferiority complex...The feeling of being dejected and rejected..The feeling of being accepted..And i feel the air that i breathe which i called love...

Not over-rated myself..but the confidence that i need is totally compiling and reconciling every second...It is not about what you think..Its all about what you do...

And thanks to that moment..A moment that i'm gonna treasure it along this journey..The words of monotone but filled with encouragement..Make me realize and fully understand..The feeling of a woman..To comprehend that standing in front of the door will never change anything...but by entering that door will make you know almost everything about a woman..

Therefore...i'm gonna do what should i do..Enough with the talking..enough with the sweet talk...it is time to make an effort with sincerity and not to tarnish the heart once again..she is observing my movement..and just wanna tell you..thanks for everything..thanks for teaching me a valuable lesson..Although you are small in size but you have a big heart..

One more thing..to anyone who condemned my decision..you will never ever be my rival..it is just the fact a throng of Gladiator is trying to impress the Queen..You just play your part while i play mine..And may the best triumph on the battle field of Rome...

Have you ever loved someone but could not show it...

To realize that you love someone so badly after he or she left you is nothing more than a torment of a lifetime..

I do not understand the saying until i met a wise man who show me the true meaning of loving someone...So the scene goes like this:

I: Sir, how do i know that i really love someone?

Wise man: Do you like your shirt that you are wearing right now?

I: I don't think so...Why? (confused)

Wise man: If you are gonna lost that shirt you are wearing right now on the desert and you are left half naked at the season of winter..What will you feel?

I: I will feel cold Sir..And i will wish how i will not lost it.

Wise man: It means you only realize the importance of the shirt when bad things happen to it which left you regret on the loss..And that is how you measure your love towards someone...

I: Ok...That's cool..but then how will i know that he or she is the one that i love and what should i do for not letting it go?

Wise man:( Looking around him and he grab a stick and trying to beat me with it)

I: ( Without delay,raise my arm to defend myself )

Wise man: ( Smiling ) Why you defend yourself?

I: Instinct...It is because you want to beat me.

Wise man: That's is the answer if you want it to stay..then you will defend it..No matter what the cost is gonna be...You defend yourself because you do not want to be hurt..You defend your love ones because you would never dare to hurt them....

I: (Crying) how pity i am...i loss my love one because i could not defend her..And i only realize how deep my love for her when she gone...

Wise man: Believe young man..May Allah and His Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam guide your path and meet her again..And strengthen your fragile soul to be one again..

I: Thanks Sir..

Wow...And guess what..the burden in my heart is lift a bit..and now i could understand life a bit clearer....Hope she is reading this...

I'm shouting

At this moment..my heart is shouting loud..my heart is crumble..my heart is uneasy till i lost goodnight sleep..my heart is searching for the answers..my heart is praying for guidance...my heart is asking for forgiveness...

Would i be forgotten by my love ones..would i be gone astray and will never ever walk on a straight path again..would you be my companion if i request..would you listen to my weep if i could not deny being hurt...would you forgive me if i betray you again and again..would you tape my heart if it had broken to pieces...would you heed my advice just because i care for you...would you hold my hand for a while even you are not gonna here...

What kept inside me will always remain a secret..what i shared will always a burden that i could not carry it any longer..

The future is full of surprises..the heart of my love ones is kept just within her..How could i understand when it is not reveal..And how could i act if i do not understand..Oh Allah..please enlighten me with the answer..please connect me to Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam so i will be calm..Until then,i will just believe....