Sick

While today is like any other day..sunshine...hot and most of all there is still quite few books that i have to read...you know,knowledge is power...i just attended programmers meeting just now..just took a tablet of panadol..and later in the evening gonna meet up with my friends to play squash...a recent activity...

Life is just a routine...you have to schedule your time...and most of all..to enjoy what you are doing...and try to make it beneficial...while the vocab of boring never exist in my life dictionary..however it almost did..but hey..i survived another day....and yah..i just pick up a new activity...to do house chores..it is interesting though..to keep your house clean and most of all to practice cleanliness...and well..it is also part of faith....

Now what

1st korean movie that i watched with my mother..and yah,the song that i do not understand but somehow it touch my mother heart...recommended by my mom though...should try and watch it...

the wind is shaking the windows,and over my small room,
the stars fill up the sky, shining brightly too many to count,
the stars reassure tired me
they wipe away the many tears that are deep inside me

don’t be hurt too much..they hug me tight and pamper me
and comfort me,
telling me to go to sleep

though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk
though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars, forever

My dream is coming. though it is unusual that my one star is bright
it is very bright, even blinding..it comes down to my shoulder
stop being so sad..it holds my hand as it touches me
and gives me a warm hug

though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars, forever

Only for today, I won’t cry though my eyes fill with tears
I want to laugh like those stars
Oh~ I want to cherish all my happy moments deep inside my heart
Like those countless number of stars, forever

Goodnight

One of the song i recently listen to...and i started to understand people feeling...and appreciate it better...




And i would like to say...accidents could happen...but no matter what...please don't ever give up....i pray that you will raise again...



And if you ever need anything...i will be always be here...




But for now....i will pray for your success..happiness..and pray that we will get to meet again...sorry if i ever lied to you..it might not change anything..but i will change to be better...sleep well and sweet dreams....

Family ( finale )

And we meet again...i guess this will be the finale...and after this i should take a long rest.....haha

Family...what does family really means to me....

You see my dear...i was brought up by a surrounding of family without relatives..and so left my mother,father and 3 siblings..include me will be 4....and so my future wife to be the only criteria that come to my mind is to accept my mother as how she is...you know...she nags alot...she like to cry over small matters...

and then new family enter into my life....my friends...Mudaris.....Usrah Dandrawiah...

I guess that's all to it...i do not really gonna talk much for my finale...because i review my previous post...wow...that's a long composition....

While i guess this will be the end...Now you already know 1/2 of me...

My love story ( part 3 )

Welcome back....

Thanks for taking your time to read the posts...although i realize most of the post had make some confusion..bad grammar...wrong usage of vocab...and worse when some of the messages do not convey to all of you...Therefore i would like to say thanks once again and appreciate for your presence...


Ironically that's me...while you understand a gist of my love story,i guess you should understand me as a person..i'm a guy who never really shows what i feel deep inside..sometimes i intend to run away from all the grief and pain...but the pain will not stop..i felt useless..and along the way i'm getting matured..i started to understand why we suffer because of love...and that's all thanks to the Companion of Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam....

Their love toward Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam is pure without asking anything in return...They went to war...They gave their everything for Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam..and after all that suffering they endured, not even once they complaint..The faith that instill within them make them the Rijal Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...

Have you ever heard a story of a Companion that was so sad when he served Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...So Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam ask him,Why do you look sad? The Companion replied: I'm sad because when i leave this world for the hereafter,i might not get to be with you in heaven...because You will be among An-Nabiyin and As-Siddiqin and i'm far from that...and if i'm gonna be thrown in hell..that will be unluckiest thing for me because i will never ever get to see you again...Salawatullahi Wassalaam smile and reply: The lover will be with his love ones....

A Companion that never asked for heaven but just a hope to be with His beloved Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...And therefore they The Companion endured everything just for Him Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...

Therefore inside me,the love towards Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam is strong but i will never ever declare that into words..because at these days my action is totally ambivalence...A love that you could never ever compromise...and at my current state,i do not believe i could do it yet...

While loving The Best Creation is totally different from loving just a creation...because Him Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam will never leave us..He lives within us..while the relatives and strangers that are dear to us are otherwise...

So from the 'she' i learned to trust and the heart of human being is not under our power to control it...It is all the work of The Creator from the start...Therefore i will always pray for 'she' to be happy and keep on moving...and i just wanted to tell 'she' that i will always be here....and if one day,'she' gonna leave me...i will cry but i will be ok...as long 'she' are gonna be happy it will be enough for me...I just have to let it go when its happen...and i could not hang on it for long because it just gonna make 'she' suffocated....

Unfortunately the curiosity will not be ease yet...who is this 'she' i'm praying for...for this,please let me keep it as my precious secret...

I would also plead to all of you to forgive me if i ever lied..hurt your feeling...and worse if i make you to look at me in disgust...becauseof what i kept inside for interminable time cause me to die slowly.....Somehow i started to see that at the end of the day,i'm gonna be alone because what comes around goes around....and that will be the atonement...but could i endure it..i don't think so..i need to cling on someone...there is even once i complain to God..dear Allah,if people surround me gonna be hurt because of my presence...please make them leave me..and replace it with someone who could make them smile again....but the one thing i assure you....

I'm changing....and this i promise

Haha...i guess that's it...wow...i could cry right now....since it really comes from bottom of heart...so i guess now you understand 3/8 of me...

Clarification ( Extended Version )

David Cook - Come Back To Me (Official Music Video) - More bloopers are a click away

4 things....( part 2 )

Ok...and here i am again...the weather is hot these few days..even at night though...anyway,i would like to continue where i stop from my previous post...and at this moment i would like to share with all you about 4 things...it might be what would i like to do in future...things i rather forget...my vision...and yah not forgetting my likes and dislikes...so here goes....

There are 4 things that i would like to do in future..it might look impossible but every things there will be always possibilities...

1st: I really wish i could go for bungee jumping...you know,throwing yourself from a very high place and with hope the knot that being tied to both of your leg will not get scrappy...or else...you complete the sentence...Its like a test of courage for me...something that teach yourself to take challenges..not to be afraid to face obstacles even at the crucial moment...and if i die..hey,it is just the cause..everyone will die one day somehow.....

2nd: To pursue my study to the higher level as i could...i aim that i would continue my master degree when i'm 30 and doctorate when i'm 35....and of course i will get marry 1st and make sure that my wife will continue hers study as well....Is it gonna be hard..you know,to support your wife and also the expenditure for both of us in studies...When there is a will there will be always a way...it is just like,understand your situation but do not make it as an excuses for you not to move on..ahah..and the course...its either language or history....

3rd: To quit smoking...this will be the hard part...not gonna brag about this...haha

4th: To work either as a journalist for newspaper or a correspondence for al-jazirah...big dream hah..so its gonna mean i have to work harder....

While thats for the future and what about my hobby...basically i do not have certain hobbies except there are certain things that i prefer to do than doing the other things..got what i mean.so ambivalence,,,

1st: I prefer to read books about language because it is my passion,politics because it make me aware about the situation and enviroment, history..yah because we will never understand the state we are in right now unless going back to the past..manga..come on,i need some entertainment...and yah,now i started to read novels by Mitch Albom...oho..it just make my eyes moist..

2nd: While i prefer to watch anime than anything..i'm not a tv man..i do not even watch tv when i'm at high school..but somehow anime really make me hook..it is more,once you get hook you will never really gonna escape from it..Naruto Shippuuden is my favourite..Now i'm sound childish..

3rd: I prefer listen to rock music than ballad...but ballad still could be accepted...but Nasyid..NO NO...

4th: If you gonna make me choose between coffee or tea..i will choose coffee...but for now,i have to cut down drinking coffee..it just make my teeth stain with it..a mix of cigarrete just gonna make it worse...

As a person i also had my love and hate towards something or someone...

1st: i love to kiss my mother forehead..while i hate people do something to hurt her even in a smallest way...

2nd: i love meeting new acquitance because from them i gain new experiences while i hate people are boastful ( the terms will be champion ) haha

3rd: i love receive message or call from her although seldom...i say her memories are like goldfish...you know to forget easily...i will message you later...but she forget...haha..but i'm ok with it. she say,the goldfish is just a myth...hate because i'm far away physically from her but she will always remains here to be my light...

4th: i love to test my endurance but hate if i give up in the middle..( fortunately i have never give up yet )

While there are dates that i will always remember, there will also be an event that i rather forget...

1st: 22nd March 1983 because it is my birthday...if i could forget my birthday i will never know i'm 26 right now....

2nd: 2nd Dec 2000...it is my last day at my school before i transfer to Aljunied...remembering that day...haha..not gonna mention it over here...

3rd: 21st April 1998 and yah..the day my mom try to kill herself..now that scary....

4th: 1st of March 2008...the 1st day i work at mosque..and i do not really recommend it..its better to be a student...The students two thumbs up while other than that...tho thumbs down..does the term ever exist...

Last but not least my vision as a person..basically this vision i put it into quote..so it will easily be remembered...so in every quote there is different vision for different purpose...

1st: I build my own empire..i have to stand on my own feet...i have to be responsible man in the future..i have to work hard for my family and i have to choose my own path..cool hah...

2nd: Jangan cakap benda yang belum jadi...while in life there will always possibilities...i will never ever put a stop on options and i would not conclude on something that seems to be futile....because i just have to try no matter what...

3rd: I will fail but i will never give up... i will fail in life...but if i give up i will never ever change anything about my failure..so i must raise again to correct what went wrong...

4th: Cry when you can...Laugh with your love ones..Enjoy the moment as long you are alive...

I guess thats it....while for the future,i might share a bit with all of you about my thought about love...do i really believe in love..is it worth to sacrifice everything....and who should we love...so till next time k..now you know 1/4 of me....

Person ( Part 1 )

You see my dear...there are 4 persons that really had mold me to what i am today..While the 1st will never exist without the 2nd...and the 3rd will never appear without the consent of the 1st and 2nd...and i do not see the 4th coming without the teaching of the 3rd...And this is my first step...

While the 1st will always be my mother...a person that i spend most of my time with her when i'm small...a person that i always left her alone when i'm a teenager...and i yearn to be with her every second when i'm an adult...

Ironically my mother never taught me what love is...she is so firm with her decision..fragile at the heart but she is not fickle...and if you gonna ask me what i really learn from my queen..it will be the caring attitude...my mom will always care for me even though i made big mistakes..and i mean really big...she will scold me..hit me with whatever she could grab...but at the end of day she will comfort me...Once i thought, if you gonna comfort me at the end why do you hit me at the 1st place...is it because you could comfort me....

But then i realize,she did what she had to did..because she really care for me...and yah..she really do...

While the 2nd person will be always my father...i never really understand my father...i never really spend time with him..except once at hawker center near sembawang ( now that reminds me of Singapore )

He never really shows what he feel..But of all of his attributes that i respect and learn until now is the sense of responsibility...Not even once he complain about work..not even my father scold my mother...and not even once he neglect his responsibilities as a husband or father...For me,he is a guy that knows what he is doing...while he is not perfect but he is just perfect as a husband and father...

I had asked him once why he never like get angry towards my mother...You know,my mother always nag alot..and i mean alot...So he taught me...You see,if we just gonna react trough from what we see then we will never understand the second party..but if we look trough their eyesight you will understand their pain...So i always look from yours mother eyesight.

Am i gonna be a husband that will defend his wife?am i gonna be a good father...while i do not really sure but i'm really sure that i could be one...

The 3rd will always be my Mudaris Iskandar...a person that i respect not just because of his knowledge but his eagerness to make me better and better...and he is a stranger to start with...The 1st time when i learn from him..it is more like an army camp..There are rules...sign in..sign out...and most of all he is a perfectionist...While the day of national service had gone but only what one thing still remain in him..The eagerness to learn...the attitude of taking iniative..and most of all to defend me when i'm in big trouble...

There is a story that i would like to share..during Ramadan at the year 1999....My mudaris was discussing with his friends of the same age about the cuisine that will serve to us during Ramadan..So during that discussion,one of them suggested to give us porridge and he said that will be just enough...

Suddenly the environment become silence...My mudaris raised his voice up and scolded that unlucky fellow..He said..if they are your son,would you give them just porridge..You answer me...If we do not care for them, then why the hell we expect big from them...As long they are my student, i will treat them as my sons..i will defend them no matter what...and to make them better person i'm willing to be the big bastard..

So from then on...A mudaris he is..a fatherly figure he is to me..and a brother that i'm willng to fight side by side....

Talking about the year of 1999..there are 4 dates i will never forget..
Saturday,6th of april 1957 because it is my mother b'day..
Saturday,21st august 1999because it was the day i met her..
Saturday,26th of july 2003 because it was the day i almost die..
Saturday,14th of Feb 2009 because it was the day i hurt her and change almost everything....

While the last person it will be Akhina Musa...A white hair guy..someone that will encourage me no matter what..never ever get tired with me...and yah...There are lots of things that i learn from him...but one of the things that i really appreciate..is the character to be patience...

I never really and not even once i guess i had look an anger on his face....He is one of the person that i really trust..and guess what,if you really want to know the other part of me..you may ask him...

Once i told him..that i'm a sinner...and the reaction from him make me breaks into tears...He smiled and said..All of us are not perfect..that's why we make mistake...as long you are alive..appreciate what you got..pray for them who left you..and be good to everyone...while we remember our birthday..hope one day those people will remember our date of death because of our good deeds...While Allah is so forgiving..human is otherwise...So be grateful because you and i are still alive...

So that's it..i care for you because i learn it from my mother...i am still learning to be a responsible person because that what my father impart to me...and i may be a bad person...i might look obnoxious but i will defend for you no matter what because thats what my mudaris shared with me...Once i'm short tempered but today i'm more patience..i'm not sure why..but i guess it is all because of him..Akhina Musa...While the 4 dates are days that i will never forget...these 4 persons will always someone that i look up on....

Hope you knows 1/8 of me..

Part of me

Somehow today i was being granted an inspiration to share with all of you..so i have decided to talk part of me...part of me that had mould me to what i am today..while there are memories that i would like to eradicate...and there are also memories that i would never ever forget...

Therefore i'm gonna talk about my experiences...person that had taught me...the date that i will never forget...my vision...my present mission..things that i would like to do before i left this world...things that i totally regret...so on and so forth...

And i gonna break it to 4 parts..which i guess the core of the title while in each chapter i will try to share with all of you what i think that you should know about...with hope you could learn something from my journey....So let the journey begins............

Memoirs for mom ( updated version )

When someone dear to me said, i wrote letters to my mom whenever i feel sad...whenever i feel i need to share something...and talk to her about my daily lifes....although that letters never really reach her mother... so she called the memoir 'letters to mom '..but i believe her feelings will reach her mother..while Allah is just,so i pray that the heart of hers will be console...while the past title was my bad so i change memoirs for mom....because a wake up call i guess...the title letters for mom is just not right for me to use it..therefore i would like to apologize...maybe because of the title i just cause a quite volcano to erupt...now i'm in guilt...

Guess that it is...no matter who you are....there will no place for anyone to replace our irreplaceable mother..even names,act.even a present...it is not about the present but it is about from who and to who...even when a stranger comes and to try to comfort us..as though to be second in command for our mother....it will never ever change anything...because in this life we are only grant with one mother...

A place that we will lean,a shoulder that will carry the burden for us...a shoulder to cry...that will accept our shortcomings...that will motivates us in anywhere...and yah...we gonna miss them when they leave us for the hereafter....so while they are still alive,appreciate them..our mothers...take good care of them...and when they left us...cry....pray and believe that they will always up there looking upon us...

So specially for my mother...i miss you mom...nah..she not gonna read this blog...but hey,mom knows their son and daughter the best...and for her...please do really take care of yourself...your mom is watching over you...and for you...make your mother happy as long as you can...because you never know when will be the last time you saw that smile on your mother face...

All i ever wanted....

For her to be happy again
For her to smile freely again
For her to give her one last chance to give me one more chance.......

( Chicken soup,pg 67 )

She

While tonight i'm still awake...not sleepy but i'm totally exhausted...You see,the term of 'she' in my humble blog had been keep playing in my head for hours...it is just like keep mingle around in my mind...would i get to meet 'she' again...or it will be words that will stay as my own imagination...

Therefore,at this sec,i would like to talk about 'she' that stays in my heart...that tickles every part of my body..and yah,'she' is one of the reasons why i keep on moving....

'She' is someone that i imagine as my light..not the bright light but the ray of it...a dim of light that shows me the path...the direction that i should head to...Although i'm not sure where this will end but i guess it just have to end somehow..because nothing last for eternity...'She' that i keep mentioning in this medium...a medium of my expression is not an angel...and not even possess a superhuman power...a normal 'she' but somehow 'she' had went alot of experiences that had taught me either directly or indirectly...which make me understand the surprises that lies behind this journey...

'She', i assumed had done alot of mistakes...and while i'm a sinner,i learn from that mistake...While 'she' also had done good deeds that are totally a massive amount i should say ( sorry for the err struncture ) compare to me...and from it, i make it as my motivation...and not forgetting 'she' always piss off...kind hearted and most of all 'she' does not share what 'she' feeling...

While words do not necessaries reflect what in the heart...'she' somehow cling beside by my heart...a place that my soul had prepare for 'she'...and while 'she' might left the palace..i intend to let 'she' stay...while the ghost i am,the shadow 'she' remains...no matter where i go 'she' is always playing in my head...It is hard to go trough the bricks..so i build the bridge just to get near 'she'...It's hardship but i say,why stop....Follow your heart...think when the situation is not in your favour...You just might reach the end if you keep going...and 'she' become a companion in my story...

Even if 'she' does not exist...or does not even acknowledge my existance....i still have to walk to reach her...not for her acceptance but for her recognition...well 'she' is someone that everyone is fighting for...so 'she' is worth fighting for...Not because of 'she' beauty...not even of 'she' wealth...but it just because of 'she'...And hope is just futile...so i must keep praying...because there are things that i could see while my story is someting that i could not prognosticate....

And if you are gonna ask me who is 'she' in my story...'she' does exist out there...and 'she'does stay in me....'she' is my inspiration...'she' the reason why i created this blog...'she' is not perfect but a perfectionist...'she' is not there when i'm in need but 'she' still a faithful companion...'she' is a fighter but yet had a fragile heart...'she' is normal but surpass a man strength....'she' laugh and smile but 'she' cry like a baby...'she' nags like a nanny but at heart 'she' cares...'she' not even want to hurt people feeling but at the end,'she' was trampled...'she' has to lie to safe 'she' because no one will care for her if something outrageous gonna happen...And am i ok if this is 'she'...i replied,a heart that do not compare or judge will accept 'she' as 'she'

Am i gonna meet 'she'...is 'she' gonna dissapear from my mind....

I just pray...

One more day

And we meet again....please don't get bored with me...Since i'm still into writing so please bear with me...yet today i had learn new things again..i had went trough another moment and i guess it should be with 's'...

Its all about one more day...a day that could be a different..and it will be mass difference...hey i'm smiling though...the masala tea or tea masala..come on,do not worry about the details...the experiences of weeks after the long absence...the story of what would you do if someone that had once entered your life and he or she would like to re-enter again...what will be your stand...and all that kind of stuff will be so mundane...but a day that i called it one more day...even a story of bread peanut butter sandwich will be interesting...

Believe me..appreaciate it..and deep bottom of my heart i would like to say thanks...not because i have to but i should to...the aroma of the india cuisine will mean something today...even if the happiness is not gonna last for eternity...and even the gloominess is gonna cloud the entire city of heart...at least i realize of that one more day....

And this song...hah..to be a better man..sorry for the mess with video k...kind of addicted to it for a while...will try to contruct it better in the near future...and its all about one more day...

She might be leaving

Haha....now that is so likely to happen...i'm not really sure about it..or is not...should i ask for clarification or just be on stand by to wait for the answer...but yah...whatever the outcome gonna be,i will always pray for her journey..and that she will always be happy after all the bitterness of life that had become her chapter...and i will always be here...

Even a warrior himself could not defeat a group of gladiator..and not even him could cross all the southern obstacles alone...A sword itself will break into pieces after a long fight..a shield itself could not defends towards the outstanding opponent...but only with courage and dignity...i believe the warrior could leave a legacy and to be historical icon among his people that will always remenber his pride...while the enemies will fear his name and his loves one will always place him in their special heart...

hope she is reading this...

Now

The mind is still not at it best yet...funny how something that seem strange to you will be your best companion....and guess what..i'm not a kind of guy that listen to ballad song...but somehow this song really capture my attention...

it might because of the lyric,the arud and qawafi...while that will the rules for poetry...whatever it is,human being is so vulnerable...what was meant to be inside will always stay in this heart...Hope she is doing ok..

Two things

Two things i learned today...

1st, the importance to let it go...you see..it just so suck when my eyes break into tears..looking at certain of my decisions..either throwing ash out from this house..The only shelter he had once..and off the record..he just a cat...and to be a captivity in your own prison...is totally out of control...

A prison that i created without the key..how should i release myself...and then i discover to let it go...and believe me it is gonna be damn bloody hard...although there some of my past decisions are still in abysmal depth that make my drive to try harder to amend the guilt...i will try to let it go wherever i feel necessary....And yah,it just about a cat...

2nd,emotion is so unpredictable..or it is just me...even i realize when my mind at it very bad performance that i miss her but for today all of my body parts is missing her very badly...with a length that still unknown times the width that i could not calculate...

So what i'm doing here...haha...just do not want to create a commotion...so keeping low or stealth is the best description i prefer....Which i understand that sometimes you just have to make a decision to save the situation...while for the rest....

I rest my case

Page 55

And Ellen Degeneres said: Whenever i ask myself, "Why go on?" I must answer, "Why not." Miracles do happen...

A statement that i fully agreed...a statement that i had went trough personally..And as a person,it had input an extravaganza of faith in the heart of mine...And because of that experiences,till this moment...when the star is shining upon me..while the moon is smiling upon mankind...i hope and pray she is okay...just missing her day by day...will not express it yet cause the value will fade if it is being keep repeating every sec...but yah..it is totally damn true...i will just be here waiting without you...

Miracles do happen...

Khatimah cinta

Seize The Day

Hmmm....Nice

All guys are the same

I'm history...
Please forgive me dear...
You are my everything...
Please let me explain...
Trust me...

My comment will be...bullshit...haha..Once, a friend of mine asked me..are the guys all the same?does they play with words?

My answer will be..yah..most of the guys but not all of the guys..And i'm not excluded...You see my dear readers..as a guy,we almost make wrong judgments or decisions in choosing our life partners..we would want the best..and because of that we will produce the best words and the best excuses..and thats why it is call the fabricated love..we trample the girls hearts..we crush their trust and most of all we never ever appreciate the second chance that had been given to us...

Therefore,guys are famish species..they are damn bloody greedy and will always act like they care but get tired at the end of the day..Funny but thats is one of the reality..but to judge all of them as one is totally unacceptable...

There is also live a throng of guys that really love their life partners sincerely...except the fear of being jilted or ditched that what makes a person to hold back their words...You will never hear the words I Love You..not even My dear...but the fact is..they really care...and that will create another problem..their life partners will assume that they never care..not because of the action but because of the words...So i guess they are two groups of guy..someone that is good and damn bloody good at words and someone that is totally suck at words but impart their true love trough action...

While i'm trying to be the second..i also cannot ignore the 1st...because both will make your heart full of unconditionally love...Therefore i amend the 1st by praying to God ask the Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam to take care of her...and will fill her heart with happiness and never again being hurt or cheated..and replace the bitterness of life with prosperity and progress for her nation as a woman...

As for my action...i will go on trying to prove bit by bit..and most of all..to be sincere in my doings...because seriously,it is damn bloody hard to show an action that is not being side dishes...sorry for the terms...While she is fighting for her family..he is fighting for her...and i'm fighting and will go on fighting for myself,for her,for him...and for everyone...and if they could listen to my remorse...I just wanna them to know that...

I really care..and i really do...

Myself

My name is Ilyas Bin Zakaria...I'm proud with that name that had been entitled to me by my parents.Which of course they planned to name me Iskandar Zulkarnain Shah...but my father disagreed...Reason,what a long name..therefore they came up with consensus to address me Ilyas..A jew name if i'm not mistaken..because if it is gonna be in arabic it will be hopeless...haha

Would it be enough just to understand someone by that bit of introduction..it will never be...To understand someone,you need to be patience...hey,i do not mean to fix a person..i said..To UNDERSTAND a person..even our own family..we might realize their bad and good character..but it does not mean you understand them inside them totally...It is just you need the enthusiasm and endurance to scuba diving...deep inside them...even a little of emotion that they shared with you..it will be enough although it will never be...

And so i'm still searching for my soul that live within me...not to fix what went wrong..but to understand my own strengths and weaknesses...so i could benefit and use it at the right way and at the right time...a friend once taught me that in life you need to keep walking..stop only to catch your breathe..and then continue the journey..If you intend to stop the searching then death is better for you...i laugh at the moment but now i able to see clear as a crystal behind that wisdom.

Take Care

A phrase that means a lot to me for someone..nah..not gonna run nor leave no more...it is just deep bottom of my heart,i realize that i could not be there always for her..but the hope that she will be alright facing this cruel world..and not to mention hidden mysteries that stay unseen...

Therefore i'm gonna repeat the phrase thousand times..until the day that fate i have not yet seen nor understand...either she will be the one or otherwise....unpredictable but yet it is full of moments that will be a story to be shared with my descendant one day..how their father,grandfather and great grandfather walking on the path that i call life...Take Care


Desert rose: Sting

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in pain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand

I dream of fire
Those dreams are tied to a horse that will never tire
And in the flames
Her shadows play in the shape of a man's desire

This desert rose
Each of her veils, a secret promise
This desert flower
No sweet perfume ever tortured me more than this

And as she turns
This way she moves in the logic of all my dreams
This fire burns
I realize that nothing's as it seem

I dream of rain
I lift my gaze to empty skies above
I close my eyes, this rare perfume
Is the sweet intoxication of her love

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in pain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand

Sweet desert rose
Each of her veils, a secret promise
This desert flower
No sweet perfume ever tortured me more than this

Sweet desert rose
This memory of Eden haunts us all
This desert flower, this rare perfume
Is the sweet intoxication of the fall

Dedication

How far a song could affects your feeling?Just wanna share with all of you guys this lyric..Sang by 6ixth Sense...Entitled ( Dari Hati )

Dedicated specially for her...Keep on guessing...haha...Gosh i'm late for my paper...see ya..


Oh Tuhan tolonglah diriku
Aku sungguh menginginkan dia
Untuk mencintaiku dan mendampingiku
Di dalam hidupku ini

Oh Tuhan bukalah hatinya
Untuk melupakan kesalahanku
Yang tlah menjadi duri di dlam hatinya
Dan melukai hatinya

Tolonglah dakap aku yang melukaimu
Aku ingin engkau tahu
Aku selalu cinta padamu

Aku tlah menyesalinya
Semua...

Rothmans

We meet again my faithful readers...just felt so relaxing when i light up my cigarettes..when i'm gonna quit? my mother had babbling enough...my dearest friends had nag like grandmothers...but still i won't quit smoking..it is because of my intention to not quit smoking yet...intention...a very very big scope if we are gonna discuss about it...a wise man had once advise me that when you have the intention to do something...just do it...and Allah and His Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam will guide you...hmmm...must quit..when and where...hmmm

Two days ago, i met with ash..a pet that we cared but just become a strayed cat because of its ungrateful character...how dare it pees on my beloved laptop...but then meeting with it make me ponder...hey,it is getting bigger..healthier and guess happier...because it got the opportunity to meet with its kind and of course a life of no rules...

When we talked about rules...does it mean we care or otherwise..there are rules everywhere..and if disobey the rules you will get fine..as though a reprimand because offending the rules that had been made...but a saying goes..rule is made to be broken..damn the philosopher...

While tomorrow will be my last examination..it had been fixed but what i will be going trough is still unseen..just have to equip myself and of course to be confidence..and that is part of life after all..what is the use to fight if you do not believe in yourself...what is the use of fighting if you gonna lose in the end...so fight on because you believe..and even though you gonna lose..raise again and fight till your last breathe...wow...what a quote...

Hope she is doing fine..praying the best for her is the least that i could do...

Nickelback: I'd come for you


Just One more moment, that's all that's needed.
Like wounded soldiers in need of healing.
Time to be honest, this time I'm bleeding
Please don't dwell on it, cause I didn't mean it

I cant believe I said I'd lay our love on the ground
But it doesn't matter cause I've made it up forgive me now
Everyday I spend away my souls inside out
Gotta be someway that I can make it up to you now, somehow.

By now you'd know that I'd come for you
No one but you, yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to
And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you

I was blindfolded, but now I'm seeing
My mind was closing, now I'm believing
I finally know what just what it means to let someone in
To see the side of me that no one does or ever will
So if your ever lost and find yourself all alone
I'd search forever just to bring you home,
Here and now this I vow

Yes I'd come for you, no one but you,
Yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to

No matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you
I'd crawl across this world for you
Do anything you want me to
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you
You know I'll always come for you