Curse

Its a curse after all...its not the end of the world..but its gonna be the end for what i try to believe again...I'm being so childish...hahaha..its a funny feeling anyway...

I understand

After all the evaluation i had made...i realize that it's got to end anyway...Hey don't blame no one...No one is gonna die yet...And no one is gonna end the path...It is just i understand...understand that in everyone of us carry a will of others..our parents...friends...comrades...

And if gonna lost someone...it will just gonna be fine...No one is gonna call you a killer...no one is gonna put all the blame on that shoulder...everyone had their own dreams...and to achieve that dream,we just have to make sacrifice..its ok to lost someone but it will never be ok to dissapoint your loved ones..and the love ones will always be our parents..while i set to admit this is just gonna end somehow...our life will still goes on...We just have to get stronger...and somehow i understand....

Go on...move...don't worry about the details...don't worry about people reation..well time should heal everything but i heal faster than before...i will always be here...and somehow i understand....May Allah bless you..May the Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam guides you...If we ever gonna meet again...guess that will the job of our believe..fate...

While time machine will not help but big decision could does some amendment..so if you decided so...i will respect that decision even though that words do not reach me verbally...So no worries;)

Ok Mr Ilyas...its time to wake up from this dreamland that never exist...ouch...ok,i'm a human being again..hahaha ( Now this is the 1st time i type my name on the posting )

drops of water that falls
after losing important things, I realize
dragging along repetitious talk and quibble
swinging a foolish freedom over my head
unnoticed dead end that ends in solitude-stained future
there’s only one swelling up delusion after all

as long as we couldn’t wipe important person’s sadness
then let’s gather the light for our own sake only

how long my sky will become completely confined
perhaps the sun won’t go up for tomorrow
until the uncertain things are finally put in the hand
a starless night

sky of destination becomes graceful
the nameless flowers just becomes magnificent
striding over the field of rainbow
the lake becomes a mirror that reflects reality
the four seasons return, passing the snow thaw
and bringing along the spring
the bud continues becoming a flower, flower will become a fruit
it’s an eternal loop

My heart feel mild
inside the whole light, the whole color
I’ve studied many things

The cloud isn’t in hurry, it’s calm and restful instead
continue changing its form, entrust itself to the stream
outside the drawing paper, with a freedom that about to be forced out
I’m sketching a dream

the flakes of sparkling snow that swooping down upon my palm
the final pray will take a form, state, and color if possible
a transparent-white world, that’s a winter’s delight
the appearing and disappearing future
to what extend it would go, looks like it depends on itself

my heart felt lonely
the whole farewell, the whole sadness
will continue changing into hope

there’s nothing would interrupt the running light
yet I want it to keep going through the heavy rain
the gate of recollection is opened with such a key
that soon would be completely thrown away

in my opened up sky, tomorrow the sun will also go up
let’s close the daily play for our own sake only
getting excited with hope, I take a deep breath
a star’s beautiful night

Hope

Now i started to learn why people rely on hope...and why a heart would never give up....and why the body that barely stand will continue to cling on someone even though it is in severe pain...It is not just because of putting highly hope on someone or something..It is just the believe that everything will just go perfectly if the heart of human being is pure and does not taint with bad intention....unless Allah and The Prophet have better plan for all of us..And there will always be....

I learn that the hope that live within this big body of mine...the unseen soul....a desire of an infant....and the mind that always understand its need are the readiness to sacrifice...to perceive that being hurt is not an option but a reality to keep that hope moving on...because without being hurt,the hope will never realizes what sincerity means...the content of unconditional love stand for...

I learn that hope could be shattered but i also learn,it will also enlighten a path of a person...because that brim of light will always rejuvenate a long lost soul...even someone had taught me not to put highly hope but hey...i will take my chance...like i always do...

But till then...i will wait...cause i believe fate will complete the other half of the human job....

So as the boy fell deep asleep
The fire in the ash engulfs the air...one by one
What rise and large are my beloved profiles
What trickles down the earth are the thousand of dreams...
On the night when the silver eyes were trembling what came to be born was you...
As you shined...no matter how many times the ever passing times return the prayers back down to earth....
I will never cease to pray...
Oh please,show this child what love is...
Please give a kiss his hands you hold....

Fate

Alright everybody...

I just spend our Hari Raya by becoming a cook...Not bad..You know,the feeling of making people happy just had been nurtured in me since i learn about Usrah Dandrawiyah...Without expecting anything in return...i guess this year Aidil Fitri taught me a very valuable lesson...To sacrifice for everyone...for someone...

And hey,someone once taught me lets fate does its job...but i replied...we should do our part..and fate will finish up the rest...and thats where i'm going to..Hope she is reading this...Since the heart is full with love...it started to spill that turns into tears...

While for me...since my heart is full of sadness...i started to learn what love does mean...

Thats all...lights off....

Simple

While i believe she will........



As for me,i have got to try harder to be.........




So i hope she will not cry no more...the tears are priceless,plus.....

Fergie - Big Girls Don't Cry.


All i want to say.....

I'm a..........

I'm a human being after all.....

I turned my eyes away with disagreement
from the inside I was the boy that averted his eyes
With all courage I had
I grasped that little hand of yours

You scared of setting your hand free
from the inside you were the girl that unfastened her hand
With all courage you had
you grasped my hand in return

We couldn’t communicate in the best way
Word and word passed by
We strayed our hands from each other
as we finally chose a word called “good bye”

we both chanted “always together”
while the wind swept the hill, we hold each other
as with our died interrupted dream
it continued to fading and became a scene
inside our memory

From that “good bye” time has passed
I also, for some reason, has become mature
Yet I still couldn’t understand love, but
I’ve understood freedom and responsibility

Inside everyday’s bussiness
I was completely forgotten by the time
From that hill I look up at the sky
Just a little painful feeling
I embraced in my chest

I remember the day at that moment
My way was letting your hand go
with regret, it can’t be helped
Let’s go back to that time, in where you became visible

Not an illusion, you’re right in front of eyes
At that time, and with that constant smile
Forever, ever, I missed you

You’re smiling, there’s nothing to say
that little hand hold mine
As in the disagreeing, separated couple
only a grain of understanding tears spilled

Sweet words too, deep kiss too
Now we don’t need it, all we do just close our eyes
Only chant of “always together”
happiness-colored wind wrap us both

Home

Guess everyone is going home....from stranger that had became a friend....from no one to someone that close to the heart...but that's the cycle of life...people come and go...while the best survive,the unfortunate will mourn on the disappearance of the love ones...

While i'm no good in expressing my feelings...i wonder,which one would i be..the best or the unfortunate...the best cause i survive...and unfortunate because the disappearance seems to be so apparent..

And Ramadan is just about to end...ooh...my eyes moist once again.