Don-ilyas

Slang

2009-12-04T02:11:00.001+02:00

Just finish my project and the wonderful part i am now into this site on language.So read on....

According to Lodge (1997), the colloquial or vernacular use of language is extremely important, not only to sociolinguists, but in the study of semantics and meaning in context. In his study, Lodge identifies three features of language variation that he believes are essentially true:

Variability is natural in language and essential to its social role in our everyday lives. A broad and increasing lexicon is essential in order to express the 'nuances' of human emotions and personal identity and experiences.
There are no 'breaks' in language varieties, meaning that there are no pure homogeneous styles and dialects that exist. Rather, there are scales or gradations of linguistic style and language, and these scales are fluid and are subject to change.
Language variation is not a free or unrestricted process. Even slang is subject to factors that are outside language, such as age, gender, and cultural background.

And yes...going home soon

Egypt - Singapore

2009-10-30T21:59:00.002+02:00

2 more weeks to go...for my teacher training will end...and guess what...i'm going back to my home town...you know, take a break...and coming back here to finish one more subject...while the sadness had long gone...its time to move on..looking forward is the only way for me to be stronger...while the past will be a lesson...while everything is still ambiguous...i will enjoy every moment...either with friends...alone...and of course to get use of the transition to be a better man...gosh,i'm not a boy no more...but still there are few things that i would like to do when i reach home...

1st of all,i would like to explain to my parents about my failure in my examination...of course they will be sad...but as a son and also as brother...i must have a strong character...i will work...i will learn...and of course i will amend whtever mistakes that i had made before..

2ndly,meet her...you know it had been a year plus since i left her...while the brown baju kurung still fits me,i'm not sure about her...is she gonna welcome me with an open arms...a warm homecoming...or otherwise...i just hope i could put a smile on her face...

3rdly...my Dandrawi brothers...from Mudaris to Bohari and everyone...i would like to spend time with them...i would like to say i'm sorry...very very sorry...to go back to the past is impossible...but to work hard for the present for better future is always open wide for me...for everyone though...

4th...my PS3...there are quite few games that i would like to buy...assasin creed 2,socom,GOW,resident evil...i'm just gonna spend most of time complete all the games and of course read some books...my mom is gonna nag...but hey,i miss that nagging...

5th...life will never be the same again...and i end my speech with Welcome to the world again...

Its a funny world

2009-10-26T21:53:00.003+02:00

Hello guys...i'm damn tired...the course that i am taking right now is fun,full of factual facts on language....except,there are full of projects and assignments...but hey,i am glad that it managed to distract me from the result of my examination...unfortunately, i failed my only paper...13 out of 100....its a funny result after all...

And now i'm still considering...either to go return to Singapore for awhile and come back to Egypt on mid of Feb...or i would rather stay till next Jun...since it is still under consideration,i will just make it the last thing on mind..but yeah,i still need to evaluate the outcome and whatever it is gonna be...i pray that will be gonna be the best and also the redha of Allah and Rasulullah Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...well,its a funny circle of life anyway.

Furthermore,i realized when someone is sad...the only that you could cling on will be only The Creator and The Best Creation...but somehow i feel disgrace to face Allah and The Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...You know,when you are bless with wealth and health....the feeling of submission is totally fade from you...and otherwise when something unlucky happen to you...the prayer will be longer and most of all no one will ever understand that feeling...and so i said,human being is a funny creation...

And not forgetting to all my comrades....i wish you all the best in your examination...hope all you will do your best...just like a quote,when the road gets tough,you just have to get tougher....

As I thought of the person that is most important to me in the world,
I walked along a cherry blossom colored path, alone
Oh person that is most important to me in the world,
I love you, bye bye…

When I opened the window, I took a deep breath
My spring dreams expand out into the cheerfulness, that’s different from usual
It’s like playing with soap bubbles
When you pop one, it’s reborn anew, and hopes return
Right now, I’m not scared of anything strange, but even if I was apart from you

The sky, the sky would be connecting us together,
so we could get through anything, no matter what it was
One day, one day, when I go to see you,
let’s send some soap bubbles flying out

Writing down the phrase “Have a nice life.”,
I send it flying as a paper airplane
There’s so much that you want to hear from me,
It got me worried
Have your tears dried already?
Have you gotten your smile back?
Well first off, if the answer to those two questions is “Yes”,
then please, please answer me
I ran into myself from back on that day, changed,
and now I’m a positive boy
Windswept, I’m sweating beneath the sun
The mark on my right side has changed, it’s changed to say
“if you’ve got the energy, you can do anything”
When I remember you, it doesn’t hurt anymore

When the cherry blossom petals
dance in your sky
I’m praying from a far away place,
for you to be happy…

You sent me a letter, “I got married”
Was the subject of it; it doesn’t hurt me
It doesn’t really hurt me at all,
I’m not thinking anything of it anymore
At least that’s what I’m telling myself,
but the sky is clear, and the birds are chirping
The flowers are blooming,
it’s like a spring festival
I can’t let myself cry,
I’m going to send you my blessing
Smiling, I’m going to live my life for today,
treasure the person who is at my side
I’m going to put all of my love into everything that I touch

Smile again, smile again, I head toward the far away future,
without standing still
Keep on, keep on, let the party continue,
make noise and laugh, put your hands up
Smile again, smile again, I head toward the far away future,
without standing still
Keep on, keep on, let the party continue,
make noise and laugh, put your hands up

This is the last song
that I’ll sing for you
I’ll put into it a little strength, and my true blessing
The cherry blossom petals
dance in my sky today
I’ll send some goodbye soap bubbles off to you,
from a far away place

The waiting

2009-10-17T10:06:00.002+02:00

Ok...the waiting is gonna over in few hours time....gonna check my result....and wow,everything will just not gonna be the same again after this i guess....so wish me the best k...

Finally....

2009-10-08T16:50:00.004+02:00

Okay everybody....1st of all sorry for the long absence...guess i've been away for a long time...docile...and most of all not picking up anyone calls...most of you sure were vexed with me...you see,for this whole two weeks i've been hibernate...

And yeah,just finish up this project of mine...reading the white document of wasiqah baida'...999 pages...need to focus...need to be far away from the mankind and try to understand our nature as a human being better...and guess what...there are 3 things that i realised while there are 3 things i would like to say.....

1st...the importance for all of us to understand our history..not history of our nation but history about our condition...look at our surrounding...and you will find we are in a shape that need to be refurbish...there was a time when human being was being granted a pure heart...a heart that forgive...a heart that is not bias...and of course a heart that being instill in them the Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...when Sayyidina Abdul Rahman Bin Auf,one of the richest companion of Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam could eat together with Sayyidina Bilal Bin Rabah...a former slave but was being freed by Sayyidina Abu Bakar As-Siddique....

And that is something we should ponder on...while today,you know...VIP...guest of honor...and above of all,you never see a rich man sit together with a poor fellow....so,what does really happened?

2nd...that's why i so into arabic language..while all languages represent their nation...arabic language represent your faith...ok...i'm not gonna talk about the Quranic language or the Hadith of Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...but if you go deeper,you will see,that in every words,every sentences of arabic language represent our past...represent our state right now...like why Allah says in Quran trough lisan Sayyidil Basyar...why the previous Ummah was being demolished by Allah greatness and while The Ummah of Sayyidil Basyar remains still...

3rd....come on...while nature is obedient...we the mankind are totally opposite...we pretend to be perplex...we think we are scholars...and most of all,we think we know what is really happening around us..but the fact is...we know nothing...it is just because we like to question God..why we pray...why we fast...and most of all why must we say Appraisal for The Prophet Alaihi Wassalaam..since we ask silly questions,we would always get a silly answers..well,action speaks louder than word...but we complain much...so much....

ok...for the remain 3 that i would like to say....

1st....come on guys...i just been for 2 weeks..yah,i don't pick up your calls...please don't misinterpret...i'm just doing some research..and you will like...whatever...bla bla bla....hhahahaah

2nd...all great leaders need their time alone to do some spiritual revival...i'm not great but i've got the potential...ok,that is so obnoxious...

3rd...Whatever we do in life...echoes in eternity...

guess that's all for now...wishing all of you the best...and your mistake as a friend is my failure as a man...

The air

2009-09-29T04:50:00.002+02:00

Something bad might happen...Someone is gonna get hurt...Well,its gonna happen anyhow....

Maroon 5 - Wont Go Home Without You

The finger

2009-09-25T06:28:00.003+02:00

Well well....now what does heart breaker means....now i woke up so early in the morning...as though i just woke up from an adventure journey...a journey that taught me a very valuable lesson..a journey that open up my vision wider....

And here, i look at my fingers...counting the days...months....while my days are numbered...i realize a greater challenges await me when i get home....

I miss them...all of them...from my parents...hey,my mom keeps babbling the same things these few days....my Usrah Dandrawiyah,brothers that will always be there....yah,national library brings back memories...mee goreng mata lembu...now i crave for it more then ever...guess i appreaciate food better....

While i believe there will be a lot of changes back home...i'm not sure if the heart will change as well...a lot of misunderstanding had occur...a lot of explaination needs to be make....and i guess thats all of because we intend to write what we feel or keep it within ourself....but hey we are human being...so to talk and to listen are the best action to clear everything....and since we are so far away....i just could do nothing and i will not do anything till i look again at that face.....

So i look at these fingers...3 more left to go...and then i would say...hey,i'm home...so everyone,please bear with me a little more....

And one more thing...please please don't jump to conclusion when you read my blog...haha...because it is either my english is beginner level or you really could not understand my english...and thats why chatterbox was being prepared....hahahhaha

Curse

2009-09-23T16:23:00.003+02:00

Its a curse after all...its not the end of the world..but its gonna be the end for what i try to believe again...I'm being so childish...hahaha..its a funny feeling anyway...

I understand

2009-09-23T10:30:00.003+02:00

After all the evaluation i had made...i realize that it's got to end anyway...Hey don't blame no one...No one is gonna die yet...And no one is gonna end the path...It is just i understand...understand that in everyone of us carry a will of others..our parents...friends...comrades...

And if gonna lost someone...it will just gonna be fine...No one is gonna call you a killer...no one is gonna put all the blame on that shoulder...everyone had their own dreams...and to achieve that dream,we just have to make sacrifice..its ok to lost someone but it will never be ok to dissapoint your loved ones..and the love ones will always be our parents..while i set to admit this is just gonna end somehow...our life will still goes on...We just have to get stronger...and somehow i understand....

Go on...move...don't worry about the details...don't worry about people reation..well time should heal everything but i heal faster than before...i will always be here...and somehow i understand....May Allah bless you..May the Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam guides you...If we ever gonna meet again...guess that will the job of our believe..fate...

While time machine will not help but big decision could does some amendment..so if you decided so...i will respect that decision even though that words do not reach me verbally...So no worries;)

Ok Mr Ilyas...its time to wake up from this dreamland that never exist...ouch...ok,i'm a human being again..hahaha ( Now this is the 1st time i type my name on the posting )

drops of water that falls
after losing important things, I realize
dragging along repetitious talk and quibble
swinging a foolish freedom over my head
unnoticed dead end that ends in solitude-stained future
there’s only one swelling up delusion after all

as long as we couldn’t wipe important person’s sadness
then let’s gather the light for our own sake only

how long my sky will become completely confined
perhaps the sun won’t go up for tomorrow
until the uncertain things are finally put in the hand
a starless night

sky of destination becomes graceful
the nameless flowers just becomes magnificent
striding over the field of rainbow
the lake becomes a mirror that reflects reality
the four seasons return, passing the snow thaw
and bringing along the spring
the bud continues becoming a flower, flower will become a fruit
it’s an eternal loop

My heart feel mild
inside the whole light, the whole color
I’ve studied many things

The cloud isn’t in hurry, it’s calm and restful instead
continue changing its form, entrust itself to the stream
outside the drawing paper, with a freedom that about to be forced out
I’m sketching a dream

the flakes of sparkling snow that swooping down upon my palm
the final pray will take a form, state, and color if possible
a transparent-white world, that’s a winter’s delight
the appearing and disappearing future
to what extend it would go, looks like it depends on itself

my heart felt lonely
the whole farewell, the whole sadness
will continue changing into hope

there’s nothing would interrupt the running light
yet I want it to keep going through the heavy rain
the gate of recollection is opened with such a key
that soon would be completely thrown away

in my opened up sky, tomorrow the sun will also go up
let’s close the daily play for our own sake only
getting excited with hope, I take a deep breath
a star’s beautiful night

Hope

2009-09-22T01:51:00.004+02:00

Now i started to learn why people rely on hope...and why a heart would never give up....and why the body that barely stand will continue to cling on someone even though it is in severe pain...It is not just because of putting highly hope on someone or something..It is just the believe that everything will just go perfectly if the heart of human being is pure and does not taint with bad intention....unless Allah and The Prophet have better plan for all of us..And there will always be....

I learn that the hope that live within this big body of mine...the unseen soul....a desire of an infant....and the mind that always understand its need are the readiness to sacrifice...to perceive that being hurt is not an option but a reality to keep that hope moving on...because without being hurt,the hope will never realizes what sincerity means...the content of unconditional love stand for...

I learn that hope could be shattered but i also learn,it will also enlighten a path of a person...because that brim of light will always rejuvenate a long lost soul...even someone had taught me not to put highly hope but hey...i will take my chance...like i always do...

But till then...i will wait...cause i believe fate will complete the other half of the human job....

So as the boy fell deep asleep
The fire in the ash engulfs the air...one by one
What rise and large are my beloved profiles
What trickles down the earth are the thousand of dreams...
On the night when the silver eyes were trembling what came to be born was you...
As you shined...no matter how many times the ever passing times return the prayers back down to earth....
I will never cease to pray...
Oh please,show this child what love is...
Please give a kiss his hands you hold....

Fate

2009-09-21T02:22:00.002+02:00

Alright everybody...

I just spend our Hari Raya by becoming a cook...Not bad..You know,the feeling of making people happy just had been nurtured in me since i learn about Usrah Dandrawiyah...Without expecting anything in return...i guess this year Aidil Fitri taught me a very valuable lesson...To sacrifice for everyone...for someone...

And hey,someone once taught me lets fate does its job...but i replied...we should do our part..and fate will finish up the rest...and thats where i'm going to..Hope she is reading this...Since the heart is full with love...it started to spill that turns into tears...

While for me...since my heart is full of sadness...i started to learn what love does mean...

Thats all...lights off....

Simple

2009-09-15T06:04:00.002+02:00

While i believe she will........

As for me,i have got to try harder to be.........

So i hope she will not cry no more...the tears are priceless,plus.....

Fergie - Big Girls Don't Cry.

All i want to say.....

I'm a..........

2009-09-12T06:30:00.002+02:00

I'm a human being after all.....

I turned my eyes away with disagreement
from the inside I was the boy that averted his eyes
With all courage I had
I grasped that little hand of yours

You scared of setting your hand free
from the inside you were the girl that unfastened her hand
With all courage you had
you grasped my hand in return

We couldn’t communicate in the best way
Word and word passed by
We strayed our hands from each other
as we finally chose a word called “good bye”

we both chanted “always together”
while the wind swept the hill, we hold each other
as with our died interrupted dream
it continued to fading and became a scene
inside our memory

From that “good bye” time has passed
I also, for some reason, has become mature
Yet I still couldn’t understand love, but
I’ve understood freedom and responsibility

Inside everyday’s bussiness
I was completely forgotten by the time
From that hill I look up at the sky
Just a little painful feeling
I embraced in my chest

I remember the day at that moment
My way was letting your hand go
with regret, it can’t be helped
Let’s go back to that time, in where you became visible

Not an illusion, you’re right in front of eyes
At that time, and with that constant smile
Forever, ever, I missed you

You’re smiling, there’s nothing to say
that little hand hold mine
As in the disagreeing, separated couple
only a grain of understanding tears spilled

Sweet words too, deep kiss too
Now we don’t need it, all we do just close our eyes
Only chant of “always together”
happiness-colored wind wrap us both

Home

2009-09-12T06:10:00.003+02:00

Guess everyone is going home....from stranger that had became a friend....from no one to someone that close to the heart...but that's the cycle of life...people come and go...while the best survive,the unfortunate will mourn on the disappearance of the love ones...

While i'm no good in expressing my feelings...i wonder,which one would i be..the best or the unfortunate...the best cause i survive...and unfortunate because the disappearance seems to be so apparent..

And Ramadan is just about to end...ooh...my eyes moist once again.

Now

2009-09-07T01:44:00.003+02:00

Now let's see what fate had prepared for me...

Why and when it happened I don’t know
it isn’t so grandiose as to be able to call it fate
In the middle of the monotony of each day, it gently swept down
As natural as the blossoming cherry blossoms in spring
Not wanting anything, you were just standing over there
Without doing anything special besides your airy gestures, you were cute
The two of us walking on the tree lined street on Sunday,
the clouds you found were like a cottony heaven
Like it was nothing, my heart starting dancing at what I was seeing
Without thinking, I wonder why I broke into a smile

Under the sky I’m going to keep repeating from the bottom of my heart how I fell in love with
Your happily grinning face and your wavy hair, with its subtle chestnut color
With the person you love’s best smile, more so than something like a hard philosophy book
Surely you will be able to become stronger; If I’m with you, I think so
Be with you; That’s forever, without an end

Some things are going to change and some things will not
At the very least we are living together
I can say thank you now, for making each day special
Passing the time staring at the gray sky of tomorrow,
we witnessed the silence of the gentle sunrise
With someone who is like you,
but no matter what kind of love it is, it’s a different story
Everyone has their own personality,
so the two of us playing together in harmony
It wasn’t always pretty; That’s ok
I fell in love with you just as you are

The nights of the days we fought, our kisses were shorter than usual
I wanted to say sorry, but not able to say it, we grew apart while we slept
We were only bluffing; The two of us were in love, as awkward as we were
But the mystery of whether we will be able to be together forever, I know
Well…let’s fall asleep holding hands
Be with you; That’s forever, without an end

We only, only got along well; We even have small fights properly
We can reconcile outside of words, like friends from long ago

In the middle of the road, even if there are even showers,
the two of us go home drenched in selfishness
And after all that we happily play in the rain, like childhood friends
Be with you; That’s forever, without an end

I close my eyes, think about you everyday.
Even on the nights of the days we fought,
even naturally being able to reconcile in the morning

I close my eyes, think about you everyday.
I need you. I love you. I need you. I love you.
That’s you & I, forever love............

Alone

2009-09-05T00:22:00.001+02:00

Haha...iye tak ye aku ye english nie....

Your folded pale wings
are just a little tired from the overly blue sky
You don’t have to force your smile for anyone else
It’s alright to smile only for yourself

Loneliness continues to creep up on me,
a candle alight on the inside
Such a gorgeous chandelier
shouldn’t be at a crowded party, like this one
Why should I bury it all
in the emptiness of words that are lacking?
I don’t know anymore

As long as we can swim freely in our dreams,
we don’t need the sky anymore
Even if I can’t paint over everything
that happened up until yesterday,
I’ll still come out to meet you tomorrow

Your folded pale wings
are just a little tired from the overly blue sky
You don’t have to force your smile for anyone else
It’s alright to smile only for yourself

Inferiority complexes and reconciliations
aren’t things that will come true so easily
The mirror that remains
at the top of self-consciousness reflects flower petals
It looks like my voice is strained
from trying to cry out with an impure love
It’s irritating

In these changing times,
wounds will soon turn into scabs
Without waiting for that to happens,
you’re so beautiful, and so fleeting…

Prayers shiver in the sun,
like traces of down that have come loose
It’s alright to not think about loving someone
as being too much for you right now

Sometimes this world is a little bit too dazzling
to walk looking upward in
When you cast your eyes down,
as though sinking, the dry ground slurps up your tears

Why do we feel so alone anytime?
You don’t have to take on everything
Why do we feel so alone anytime?
Just putting up with it isn’t courage

Whisper

2009-09-03T02:17:00.002+02:00

While i whisper in the ears....I said...please do really take care of yourself...While in the heart i mean it...

While the expression is remain unseen...I whisper....Everything will be fine...It will just be a sunny day again..

While the feeling remain the same...even i meet with different kind of people...Different comrades that surround me...Still the one that i yearn for will always be same....

While the world seems impossible,i believe i could make it possible...i believe i could hold the hand that i hope for so long...

While pretending is the appropriate to describe the aura...but no one could keep it a secret for long...From the red dress to the unlucky ants....I will always remain here...

And its all about.....

2009-09-02T19:23:00.003+02:00

And its all about patience..

And its all about belief.....

And its all about understanding....

And its all about hope.....

And its all about miracle in life.....

And its all about it.......

7 days

2009-08-31T22:38:00.004+02:00

1st day...it will be always about searching my inner strength....because right now,all cells are being affected by the disease...Miracle it is Ramadan.

2nd day...I raise both of my arms...asking from Him and Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam to guide me...To forgive my sin...while i'm a sinner,i also a human being..And that explain everything.Miracle i have brothers.

3rd day....My mind is somewhere else....it just would not stay at one place...It will wonder and assume...Miracle the roar reminds me.

4th day....I realize what does it mean to be human..What does it means that TheProphet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam lives within me...Miracle i being granted my wishes.

5th day...I grasp all the air...and again i rise as the crusader...cause once i was a fallen giant but that fighting spirit sparkle once again.Miracle is i never give up.

6th day....Their faces came to my vision...The brotherhood...the memories....the path that i chose...and then a soul name present took place...it told me...You could not change the past but you could change the end...Its up to you to choose..If you keep dwelling on the past,you will be a disgrace to the mankind...If you keep moving,you will be a legacy...I as the present will walk beside you and the future is waiting for you....so i choose to keep moving... because someone keeps whispering...telling me...Ilyas,you are much stronger than you thought...Miracle is the story will not be the same again.

7th day....I'm smiling...because i get trough it once again...Miracle is we live under one blue sky.

Wow,that's one hell of step...But hey,what's the point believing in miracle when you never use it..Think..It just takes 7 days.

This is my way of.....

2009-08-29T04:18:00.003+02:00

Now i understand what does it mean to be free...you know...to be alone at my room...fill with different kind of books...not to mention the temptation to sleep for long hours....and hey...i managed to break out from the cage that i built in my mind....

To learn something will never ever be meaningful unless you learn what the outside world mean...you just need to apply what you had learn along these years so you could see the benefit of that small amount of knowledge...

Like there is a difference between ilm and makrifah...while ilm is to know the details and application...while makrifah is to know something in a very limited volume...( now,that structure is wrong )

But hey, be free...but be aware of your surrounding....freedom...use it wisely...while work without fun make jack a dull boy....so enjoy every moment...learn...and apply...learn to take a risk...

And i just learn it today....so just free to be you...roar...now that's remind me of someone....haha

My heart

2009-08-28T00:53:00.002+02:00

This is what i have been longing for....For the Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam to flourish my heart once again with love...because i believe only with Him i could raise once again...Its gonna be hard...but yah...all i need is just hope...

Clear the blockage

2009-08-25T01:06:00.003+02:00

That's why knowing is not the same of experiencing it....Suddenly the words...the condolences....the willingness....when thanks will never be enough....so i presented my gratitude for making the sleeping lion raises once again....

While i perceive...to move forward...someone just have to erase the past...but i also believe the past will be the enthusiasm for someone to keep moving till the soul depart from that lonely body...

But hey...whenever i'm sad...whenever i'm gonna break into pieces...i realize there will always be someone to pick me up and stay by my side forever even when the eyesight is unclear...i feel the presence always....

I just......

2009-08-24T16:56:00.003+02:00

Now a new chapter of my life had just begin...which i assume should be better than before...i should be stronger than my previous hours...and most of all,my heart is totally calm....but damn..that's all just an assumption....

The real me at this moment...i'm lost and not to mention the heart that's full of fragile compartment...and i just got astray in my own long journey...and that's so pathetic...

I tried to share with someone though...but hey...no one would care anywhere...I tried to ignore the presence...but my heart always worry about the details...I even tried not to think about it...but this mind had started to downgraded itself from the standard of a wise man to naive of an infant...and that's suck....

So i search around me...something or someone that could inspire my sight and of course to reopen the ventilation that had been stuck in me for a while...wow...i found nothing...while crying will not help...so i suppress the feeling till it destroy my limb that i could not walk no more as a gentlemen...it even destroy my box of emotion that make me wonder what does love means once to me...and does true love ever exist in this world that rotate every few sec....

I wonder...

So a story that i started....will be a point where my journey will begin once again...not as a warrior that defend its love..but as a crusader that search for the true meaning of love...and i start with that one step....

Envoke

2009-08-10T02:10:00.003+03:00

Finally...The Rock has come back to his best...

Gonna write again..

Gonna share again...

Gonna raise again...

The best it is...

The best it was...

And the best it will be...

Not yet

2009-07-20T01:05:00.002+03:00

No No No....

Just wanna share a video..not gonna start to write yet...Still trying to free myself from this inextricably situation....hehehhehe

Last chapter

2009-07-08T01:01:00.004+03:00

Ok announcement...i guess this will be my last chapter for the season...gonna be away for awhile...maybe a month or more...

And looking back at my older posts...from the journey of my own feeling...to be loved...to love....to be hurt...to deceived people trust...to miss someone

The story of 'she'...part of me...my family...friends...people that surrounds me...memoirs for mom...changes...

I just wanna say thanks to all of you that take your time to read my posts...sorry for the usage of grammars till the sentences context.I appreciates it alot...

It had been a wonderful journey with all of you....

Result

2009-07-06T02:04:00.003+03:00

And now what....

Guess i'm getting use to do things my own way...No one to talk to...no one to share what i feel deep inside...but hey...i'm ok..everything just fine...no need to complain...i could do whatever i wanted to...take my own sweet times...except the sharing session with a human being is what i miss most...i'm not trying to gain your symphaty...but that's mankind afterall...they need someone to pour what they feel inside..the fear...the anxiety....the interminable moment of waiting....

Yah...just got a wake up call...my result had arrived at my arabic literature faculty...wow...i'm trying not to think about it...but hey...i'm really anxious to know about the result...i need to go trough this obstacle...i just wanted to complete my study here and then i could continue to do what i wanted to do...

You know...to continue my study at MDIS...Taking a Diploma in mass communication...get a job...earn a salary...start saving...take care of my parent...and yah..who knows i might get marry...but yah...it still along way to go...but as long i'm breathing...i will try to accomplish as much as i can...and that's all will never happen without the permission of The Gracious Allah and The Most Beloved Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...when the road is getting tough...i will just have to be tougher...

Yah...the presence of the result just get on my nerves...For once...a favour to my audiences..please pray for me...i really need it badly...

Change

2009-07-05T11:21:00.003+03:00

As i opened my eyes, i viewed my surrounding. Everything is still at the same place. My books are not in order. The desk is still in a mess but hey it's morning. A new day, a new experience and a new moment..

I assume that's all about changing...The world is changing..When 15 years ago Tora was highly demanded by kids...but today Tora is just a memoir of the past.My parent is getting older..My sister had been married for 4 years...my brother is gonna finish his NS and my small sister get promoted to pri 6....While for me..i'm gonna be a year older next year..wow..27...it seems like a suitable age for me to come out from hideout...

As a creation that called mankind..all of us will go trough different learning process..not forgetting the changing process..The day when i learned howto smoke a cigarrete and today it just become my bad habit...15 years ago when i'm ashamed to hold hand with my beloved mother.but today i yearn to be with her every sec...from an infant and i become an adult..some of my friends are getting married..some of them are husband and wife...even a throng of comrades had further their studies for higher degree..and all of us face that changes..although that changes will not be in the same features..

Only there is only a thing that all of us share in common..The heart i called the term...All of us will experience what does love means..what is it to hate..to be admired...and the uneasy feeling to miss someone that is far from our eyesight...but will the feeling change...yah,i will not deny the fact that even the heart changes...but because of the faith, it will remains still...and because of the faith..the heart will continues to understand and believe till death do all of us apart.While the heart could not carry the heavy burden alone..Therefore, it's in needs to find a companion to share what it had been keeping alone...not to shift the burden but to share...The faith to believe...the faith to wait...and the stronger your faith is...the stronger it will stand and will never tilt...but a change is a must..and to change is to move forward....to be better....

Abbreaviating for all of us to adapt to changes....Move forward...improve yourself...accept the changes as challenges...and the heart that being created in you, hold it dearly...because at the end of the day...only with the strong belief will triumph...

Friend, Special one and Marriage

2009-07-04T01:14:00.003+03:00

And here i am...I'm tired but i guess wherever i'm damn tired...Lots of ideas will come to my mind..Well for today,my schedule was a bit hectic...I went to The Mosque Of Dandrawi to perform my friday prayer..Ate two bowl of Adas...it's a simple gulf cuisine but trust me...It is super delicious..I spent half of day over there till Asar prayer...Went home...chat with Hasi for awhile..He gave me tips how to loss some weight...Hey,he is an instructor of Singapore Malay Martial Arts...Standing ovation..Clap..Clap...

Then went for a jog..did some skipping and weight lifting...Hey,15 kg guys...need to push myself a little bit more...and then meet some of my friends..we played squash again with newly bought rackets....and spent for an hour at kelantan restaurant...and here i am again in front of the laptop...

With all the activies...i guess my mind was distracted a bit from thinking about something that is not certain..The feel of missing someone....

Ironically when we talk about friends, the special one and marriage...These three are totally different status either on written document..on the facebook..the responsibilities...but there is one thing in common...Love...whatever you called it..mutual love...unconditional love...but at the end of the it is still called love...and this love is being accompany by a syllable name trust...your love will be test..therefore to trust is a must...

To trust in friendship...to trust your special one...to trust in your marriage...You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough.

Weight

2009-07-02T22:30:00.003+03:00

Ok...i'm so super tired right now...but i guess,hey..it is still early over here..so i switch on the on loan laptop and post something...the more i write..the more i will learn how to write better....the more i learn to generate my ideas...

So what about we talk about weight...when i look at my previous body weight..from 65 kg in 2000 then 90 kg in 2007 and 85 kg at this moment..hey..what had i been doing..but then when i look around,there is quite a person that could loss their weight any moment...when they face problems...when they do intensive exercise...and yah..i face problems...but i gain weight...i do exercise..i jog..skip...weight lifting..but just 5 kg....

and that is just ridiculous..come on...i could not compare myself to others...because the most important thing when there is a will there will always a way...thats why the terminology of patience is easily said then done...the terminology to wait is much easier to understand than to act on it...and the attitude to have an instant result is just totally unacceptable...

In everything that we initiate, needs time...you just can't jog for an hour an expect to loss 10 kg..take things step by step...and now..i have to loss 15 kg in 4 months time...85 kg - 15 kg = 70 kg...Is it possible? The motto impossible is nothing is ambiguous...but guess what..i will try till the end...when it is impossible...create the possibilities....now that a quote..:D

Advancement is good

2009-07-01T03:32:00.002+03:00

Let's sing along...

Let's fulfill the promises that we had made...

That's why use the technologies to your advantage...

Sick

2009-06-30T19:26:00.002+03:00

While today is like any other day..sunshine...hot and most of all there is still quite few books that i have to read...you know,knowledge is power...i just attended programmers meeting just now..just took a tablet of panadol..and later in the evening gonna meet up with my friends to play squash...a recent activity...

Life is just a routine...you have to schedule your time...and most of all..to enjoy what you are doing...and try to make it beneficial...while the vocab of boring never exist in my life dictionary..however it almost did..but hey..i survived another day....and yah..i just pick up a new activity...to do house chores..it is interesting though..to keep your house clean and most of all to practice cleanliness...and well..it is also part of faith....

Now what

2009-06-29T01:57:00.005+03:00

1st korean movie that i watched with my mother..and yah,the song that i do not understand but somehow it touch my mother heart...recommended by my mom though...should try and watch it...

the wind is shaking the windows,and over my small room,
the stars fill up the sky, shining brightly too many to count,
the stars reassure tired me
they wipe away the many tears that are deep inside me

don’t be hurt too much..they hug me tight and pamper me
and comfort me,
telling me to go to sleep

though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk
though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars, forever

My dream is coming. though it is unusual that my one star is bright
it is very bright, even blinding..it comes down to my shoulder
stop being so sad..it holds my hand as it touches me
and gives me a warm hug

though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars, forever

Only for today, I won’t cry though my eyes fill with tears
I want to laugh like those stars
Oh~ I want to cherish all my happy moments deep inside my heart
Like those countless number of stars, forever

Goodnight

2009-06-28T01:10:00.003+03:00

One of the song i recently listen to...and i started to understand people feeling...and appreciate it better...

And i would like to say...accidents could happen...but no matter what...please don't ever give up....i pray that you will raise again...

And if you ever need anything...i will be always be here...

But for now....i will pray for your success..happiness..and pray that we will get to meet again...sorry if i ever lied to you..it might not change anything..but i will change to be better...sleep well and sweet dreams....

Family ( finale )

2009-06-28T00:40:00.004+03:00

And we meet again...i guess this will be the finale...and after this i should take a long rest.....haha

Family...what does family really means to me....

You see my dear...i was brought up by a surrounding of family without relatives..and so left my mother,father and 3 siblings..include me will be 4....and so my future wife to be the only criteria that come to my mind is to accept my mother as how she is...you know...she nags alot...she like to cry over small matters...

and then new family enter into my life....my friends...Mudaris.....Usrah Dandrawiah...

I guess that's all to it...i do not really gonna talk much for my finale...because i review my previous post...wow...that's a long composition....

While i guess this will be the end...Now you already know 1/2 of me...

My love story ( part 3 )

2009-06-27T00:47:00.008+03:00

Welcome back....

Thanks for taking your time to read the posts...although i realize most of the post had make some confusion..bad grammar...wrong usage of vocab...and worse when some of the messages do not convey to all of you...Therefore i would like to say thanks once again and appreciate for your presence...

Ironically that's me...while you understand a gist of my love story,i guess you should understand me as a person..i'm a guy who never really shows what i feel deep inside..sometimes i intend to run away from all the grief and pain...but the pain will not stop..i felt useless..and along the way i'm getting matured..i started to understand why we suffer because of love...and that's all thanks to the Companion of Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam....

Their love toward Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam is pure without asking anything in return...They went to war...They gave their everything for Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam..and after all that suffering they endured, not even once they complaint..The faith that instill within them make them the Rijal Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...

Have you ever heard a story of a Companion that was so sad when he served Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...So Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam ask him,Why do you look sad? The Companion replied: I'm sad because when i leave this world for the hereafter,i might not get to be with you in heaven...because You will be among An-Nabiyin and As-Siddiqin and i'm far from that...and if i'm gonna be thrown in hell..that will be unluckiest thing for me because i will never ever get to see you again...Salawatullahi Wassalaam smile and reply: The lover will be with his love ones....

A Companion that never asked for heaven but just a hope to be with His beloved Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...And therefore they The Companion endured everything just for Him Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...

Therefore inside me,the love towards Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam is strong but i will never ever declare that into words..because at these days my action is totally ambivalence...A love that you could never ever compromise...and at my current state,i do not believe i could do it yet...

While loving The Best Creation is totally different from loving just a creation...because Him Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam will never leave us..He lives within us..while the relatives and strangers that are dear to us are otherwise...

So from the 'she' i learned to trust and the heart of human being is not under our power to control it...It is all the work of The Creator from the start...Therefore i will always pray for 'she' to be happy and keep on moving...and i just wanted to tell 'she' that i will always be here....and if one day,'she' gonna leave me...i will cry but i will be ok...as long 'she' are gonna be happy it will be enough for me...I just have to let it go when its happen...and i could not hang on it for long because it just gonna make 'she' suffocated....

Unfortunately the curiosity will not be ease yet...who is this 'she' i'm praying for...for this,please let me keep it as my precious secret...

I would also plead to all of you to forgive me if i ever lied..hurt your feeling...and worse if i make you to look at me in disgust...becauseof what i kept inside for interminable time cause me to die slowly.....Somehow i started to see that at the end of the day,i'm gonna be alone because what comes around goes around....and that will be the atonement...but could i endure it..i don't think so..i need to cling on someone...there is even once i complain to God..dear Allah,if people surround me gonna be hurt because of my presence...please make them leave me..and replace it with someone who could make them smile again....but the one thing i assure you....

I'm changing....and this i promise

Haha...i guess that's it...wow...i could cry right now....since it really comes from bottom of heart...so i guess now you understand 3/8 of me...

Clarification ( Extended Version )

2009-06-25T20:29:00.002+03:00

David Cook - Come Back To Me (Official Music Video) - More bloopers are a click away

4 things....( part 2 )

2009-06-24T02:37:00.004+03:00

Ok...and here i am again...the weather is hot these few days..even at night though...anyway,i would like to continue where i stop from my previous post...and at this moment i would like to share with all you about 4 things...it might be what would i like to do in future...things i rather forget...my vision...and yah not forgetting my likes and dislikes...so here goes....

There are 4 things that i would like to do in future..it might look impossible but every things there will be always possibilities...

1st: I really wish i could go for bungee jumping...you know,throwing yourself from a very high place and with hope the knot that being tied to both of your leg will not get scrappy...or else...you complete the sentence...Its like a test of courage for me...something that teach yourself to take challenges..not to be afraid to face obstacles even at the crucial moment...and if i die..hey,it is just the cause..everyone will die one day somehow.....

2nd: To pursue my study to the higher level as i could...i aim that i would continue my master degree when i'm 30 and doctorate when i'm 35....and of course i will get marry 1st and make sure that my wife will continue hers study as well....Is it gonna be hard..you know,to support your wife and also the expenditure for both of us in studies...When there is a will there will be always a way...it is just like,understand your situation but do not make it as an excuses for you not to move on..ahah..and the course...its either language or history....

3rd: To quit smoking...this will be the hard part...not gonna brag about this...haha

4th: To work either as a journalist for newspaper or a correspondence for al-jazirah...big dream hah..so its gonna mean i have to work harder....

While thats for the future and what about my hobby...basically i do not have certain hobbies except there are certain things that i prefer to do than doing the other things..got what i mean.so ambivalence,,,

1st: I prefer to read books about language because it is my passion,politics because it make me aware about the situation and enviroment, history..yah because we will never understand the state we are in right now unless going back to the past..manga..come on,i need some entertainment...and yah,now i started to read novels by Mitch Albom...oho..it just make my eyes moist..

2nd: While i prefer to watch anime than anything..i'm not a tv man..i do not even watch tv when i'm at high school..but somehow anime really make me hook..it is more,once you get hook you will never really gonna escape from it..Naruto Shippuuden is my favourite..Now i'm sound childish..

3rd: I prefer listen to rock music than ballad...but ballad still could be accepted...but Nasyid..NO NO...

4th: If you gonna make me choose between coffee or tea..i will choose coffee...but for now,i have to cut down drinking coffee..it just make my teeth stain with it..a mix of cigarrete just gonna make it worse...

As a person i also had my love and hate towards something or someone...

1st: i love to kiss my mother forehead..while i hate people do something to hurt her even in a smallest way...

2nd: i love meeting new acquitance because from them i gain new experiences while i hate people are boastful ( the terms will be champion ) haha

3rd: i love receive message or call from her although seldom...i say her memories are like goldfish...you know to forget easily...i will message you later...but she forget...haha..but i'm ok with it. she say,the goldfish is just a myth...hate because i'm far away physically from her but she will always remains here to be my light...

4th: i love to test my endurance but hate if i give up in the middle..( fortunately i have never give up yet )

While there are dates that i will always remember, there will also be an event that i rather forget...

1st: 22nd March 1983 because it is my birthday...if i could forget my birthday i will never know i'm 26 right now....

2nd: 2nd Dec 2000...it is my last day at my school before i transfer to Aljunied...remembering that day...haha..not gonna mention it over here...

3rd: 21st April 1998 and yah..the day my mom try to kill herself..now that scary....

4th: 1st of March 2008...the 1st day i work at mosque..and i do not really recommend it..its better to be a student...The students two thumbs up while other than that...tho thumbs down..does the term ever exist...

Last but not least my vision as a person..basically this vision i put it into quote..so it will easily be remembered...so in every quote there is different vision for different purpose...

1st: I build my own empire..i have to stand on my own feet...i have to be responsible man in the future..i have to work hard for my family and i have to choose my own path..cool hah...

2nd: Jangan cakap benda yang belum jadi...while in life there will always possibilities...i will never ever put a stop on options and i would not conclude on something that seems to be futile....because i just have to try no matter what...

3rd: I will fail but i will never give up... i will fail in life...but if i give up i will never ever change anything about my failure..so i must raise again to correct what went wrong...

4th: Cry when you can...Laugh with your love ones..Enjoy the moment as long you are alive...

I guess thats it....while for the future,i might share a bit with all of you about my thought about love...do i really believe in love..is it worth to sacrifice everything....and who should we love...so till next time k..now you know 1/4 of me....

Person ( Part 1 )

2009-06-23T00:16:00.003+03:00

You see my dear...there are 4 persons that really had mold me to what i am today..While the 1st will never exist without the 2nd...and the 3rd will never appear without the consent of the 1st and 2nd...and i do not see the 4th coming without the teaching of the 3rd...And this is my first step...

While the 1st will always be my mother...a person that i spend most of my time with her when i'm small...a person that i always left her alone when i'm a teenager...and i yearn to be with her every second when i'm an adult...

Ironically my mother never taught me what love is...she is so firm with her decision..fragile at the heart but she is not fickle...and if you gonna ask me what i really learn from my queen..it will be the caring attitude...my mom will always care for me even though i made big mistakes..and i mean really big...she will scold me..hit me with whatever she could grab...but at the end of day she will comfort me...Once i thought, if you gonna comfort me at the end why do you hit me at the 1st place...is it because you could comfort me....

But then i realize,she did what she had to did..because she really care for me...and yah..she really do...

While the 2nd person will be always my father...i never really understand my father...i never really spend time with him..except once at hawker center near sembawang ( now that reminds me of Singapore )

He never really shows what he feel..But of all of his attributes that i respect and learn until now is the sense of responsibility...Not even once he complain about work..not even my father scold my mother...and not even once he neglect his responsibilities as a husband or father...For me,he is a guy that knows what he is doing...while he is not perfect but he is just perfect as a husband and father...

I had asked him once why he never like get angry towards my mother...You know,my mother always nag alot..and i mean alot...So he taught me...You see,if we just gonna react trough from what we see then we will never understand the second party..but if we look trough their eyesight you will understand their pain...So i always look from yours mother eyesight.

Am i gonna be a husband that will defend his wife?am i gonna be a good father...while i do not really sure but i'm really sure that i could be one...

The 3rd will always be my Mudaris Iskandar...a person that i respect not just because of his knowledge but his eagerness to make me better and better...and he is a stranger to start with...The 1st time when i learn from him..it is more like an army camp..There are rules...sign in..sign out...and most of all he is a perfectionist...While the day of national service had gone but only what one thing still remain in him..The eagerness to learn...the attitude of taking iniative..and most of all to defend me when i'm in big trouble...

There is a story that i would like to share..during Ramadan at the year 1999....My mudaris was discussing with his friends of the same age about the cuisine that will serve to us during Ramadan..So during that discussion,one of them suggested to give us porridge and he said that will be just enough...

Suddenly the environment become silence...My mudaris raised his voice up and scolded that unlucky fellow..He said..if they are your son,would you give them just porridge..You answer me...If we do not care for them, then why the hell we expect big from them...As long they are my student, i will treat them as my sons..i will defend them no matter what...and to make them better person i'm willing to be the big bastard..

So from then on...A mudaris he is..a fatherly figure he is to me..and a brother that i'm willng to fight side by side....

Talking about the year of 1999..there are 4 dates i will never forget..
Saturday,6th of april 1957 because it is my mother b'day..
Saturday,21st august 1999because it was the day i met her..
Saturday,26th of july 2003 because it was the day i almost die..
Saturday,14th of Feb 2009 because it was the day i hurt her and change almost everything....

While the last person it will be Akhina Musa...A white hair guy..someone that will encourage me no matter what..never ever get tired with me...and yah...There are lots of things that i learn from him...but one of the things that i really appreciate..is the character to be patience...

I never really and not even once i guess i had look an anger on his face....He is one of the person that i really trust..and guess what,if you really want to know the other part of me..you may ask him...

Once i told him..that i'm a sinner...and the reaction from him make me breaks into tears...He smiled and said..All of us are not perfect..that's why we make mistake...as long you are alive..appreciate what you got..pray for them who left you..and be good to everyone...while we remember our birthday..hope one day those people will remember our date of death because of our good deeds...While Allah is so forgiving..human is otherwise...So be grateful because you and i are still alive...

So that's it..i care for you because i learn it from my mother...i am still learning to be a responsible person because that what my father impart to me...and i may be a bad person...i might look obnoxious but i will defend for you no matter what because thats what my mudaris shared with me...Once i'm short tempered but today i'm more patience..i'm not sure why..but i guess it is all because of him..Akhina Musa...While the 4 dates are days that i will never forget...these 4 persons will always someone that i look up on....

Hope you knows 1/8 of me..

Part of me

2009-06-23T00:01:00.002+03:00

Somehow today i was being granted an inspiration to share with all of you..so i have decided to talk part of me...part of me that had mould me to what i am today..while there are memories that i would like to eradicate...and there are also memories that i would never ever forget...

Therefore i'm gonna talk about my experiences...person that had taught me...the date that i will never forget...my vision...my present mission..things that i would like to do before i left this world...things that i totally regret...so on and so forth...

And i gonna break it to 4 parts..which i guess the core of the title while in each chapter i will try to share with all of you what i think that you should know about...with hope you could learn something from my journey....So let the journey begins............

Memoirs for mom ( updated version )

2009-06-22T14:19:00.005+03:00

When someone dear to me said, i wrote letters to my mom whenever i feel sad...whenever i feel i need to share something...and talk to her about my daily lifes....although that letters never really reach her mother... so she called the memoir 'letters to mom '..but i believe her feelings will reach her mother..while Allah is just,so i pray that the heart of hers will be console...while the past title was my bad so i change memoirs for mom....because a wake up call i guess...the title letters for mom is just not right for me to use it..therefore i would like to apologize...maybe because of the title i just cause a quite volcano to erupt...now i'm in guilt...

Guess that it is...no matter who you are....there will no place for anyone to replace our irreplaceable mother..even names,act.even a present...it is not about the present but it is about from who and to who...even when a stranger comes and to try to comfort us..as though to be second in command for our mother....it will never ever change anything...because in this life we are only grant with one mother...

A place that we will lean,a shoulder that will carry the burden for us...a shoulder to cry...that will accept our shortcomings...that will motivates us in anywhere...and yah...we gonna miss them when they leave us for the hereafter....so while they are still alive,appreciate them..our mothers...take good care of them...and when they left us...cry....pray and believe that they will always up there looking upon us...

So specially for my mother...i miss you mom...nah..she not gonna read this blog...but hey,mom knows their son and daughter the best...and for her...please do really take care of yourself...your mom is watching over you...and for you...make your mother happy as long as you can...because you never know when will be the last time you saw that smile on your mother face...

All i ever wanted....

2009-06-21T22:10:00.003+03:00

For her to be happy again
For her to smile freely again
For her to give her one last chance to give me one more chance.......

( Chicken soup,pg 67 )

She

2009-06-20T03:55:00.001+03:00

While tonight i'm still awake...not sleepy but i'm totally exhausted...You see,the term of 'she' in my humble blog had been keep playing in my head for hours...it is just like keep mingle around in my mind...would i get to meet 'she' again...or it will be words that will stay as my own imagination...

Therefore,at this sec,i would like to talk about 'she' that stays in my heart...that tickles every part of my body..and yah,'she' is one of the reasons why i keep on moving....

'She' is someone that i imagine as my light..not the bright light but the ray of it...a dim of light that shows me the path...the direction that i should head to...Although i'm not sure where this will end but i guess it just have to end somehow..because nothing last for eternity...'She' that i keep mentioning in this medium...a medium of my expression is not an angel...and not even possess a superhuman power...a normal 'she' but somehow 'she' had went alot of experiences that had taught me either directly or indirectly...which make me understand the surprises that lies behind this journey...

'She', i assumed had done alot of mistakes...and while i'm a sinner,i learn from that mistake...While 'she' also had done good deeds that are totally a massive amount i should say ( sorry for the err struncture ) compare to me...and from it, i make it as my motivation...and not forgetting 'she' always piss off...kind hearted and most of all 'she' does not share what 'she' feeling...

While words do not necessaries reflect what in the heart...'she' somehow cling beside by my heart...a place that my soul had prepare for 'she'...and while 'she' might left the palace..i intend to let 'she' stay...while the ghost i am,the shadow 'she' remains...no matter where i go 'she' is always playing in my head...It is hard to go trough the bricks..so i build the bridge just to get near 'she'...It's hardship but i say,why stop....Follow your heart...think when the situation is not in your favour...You just might reach the end if you keep going...and 'she' become a companion in my story...

Even if 'she' does not exist...or does not even acknowledge my existance....i still have to walk to reach her...not for her acceptance but for her recognition...well 'she' is someone that everyone is fighting for...so 'she' is worth fighting for...Not because of 'she' beauty...not even of 'she' wealth...but it just because of 'she'...And hope is just futile...so i must keep praying...because there are things that i could see while my story is someting that i could not prognosticate....

And if you are gonna ask me who is 'she' in my story...'she' does exist out there...and 'she'does stay in me....'she' is my inspiration...'she' the reason why i created this blog...'she' is not perfect but a perfectionist...'she' is not there when i'm in need but 'she' still a faithful companion...'she' is a fighter but yet had a fragile heart...'she' is normal but surpass a man strength....'she' laugh and smile but 'she' cry like a baby...'she' nags like a nanny but at heart 'she' cares...'she' not even want to hurt people feeling but at the end,'she' was trampled...'she' has to lie to safe 'she' because no one will care for her if something outrageous gonna happen...And am i ok if this is 'she'...i replied,a heart that do not compare or judge will accept 'she' as 'she'

Am i gonna meet 'she'...is 'she' gonna dissapear from my mind....

I just pray...

One more day

2009-06-18T00:39:00.003+03:00

And we meet again....please don't get bored with me...Since i'm still into writing so please bear with me...yet today i had learn new things again..i had went trough another moment and i guess it should be with 's'...

Its all about one more day...a day that could be a different..and it will be mass difference...hey i'm smiling though...the masala tea or tea masala..come on,do not worry about the details...the experiences of weeks after the long absence...the story of what would you do if someone that had once entered your life and he or she would like to re-enter again...what will be your stand...and all that kind of stuff will be so mundane...but a day that i called it one more day...even a story of bread peanut butter sandwich will be interesting...

Believe me..appreaciate it..and deep bottom of my heart i would like to say thanks...not because i have to but i should to...the aroma of the india cuisine will mean something today...even if the happiness is not gonna last for eternity...and even the gloominess is gonna cloud the entire city of heart...at least i realize of that one more day....

And this song...hah..to be a better man..sorry for the mess with video k...kind of addicted to it for a while...will try to contruct it better in the near future...and its all about one more day...

She might be leaving

2009-06-17T03:40:00.003+03:00

Haha....now that is so likely to happen...i'm not really sure about it..or is not...should i ask for clarification or just be on stand by to wait for the answer...but yah...whatever the outcome gonna be,i will always pray for her journey..and that she will always be happy after all the bitterness of life that had become her chapter...and i will always be here...

Even a warrior himself could not defeat a group of gladiator..and not even him could cross all the southern obstacles alone...A sword itself will break into pieces after a long fight..a shield itself could not defends towards the outstanding opponent...but only with courage and dignity...i believe the warrior could leave a legacy and to be historical icon among his people that will always remenber his pride...while the enemies will fear his name and his loves one will always place him in their special heart...

hope she is reading this...

Now

2009-06-13T16:15:00.002+03:00

The mind is still not at it best yet...funny how something that seem strange to you will be your best companion....and guess what..i'm not a kind of guy that listen to ballad song...but somehow this song really capture my attention...

it might because of the lyric,the arud and qawafi...while that will the rules for poetry...whatever it is,human being is so vulnerable...what was meant to be inside will always stay in this heart...Hope she is doing ok..

Two things

2009-06-12T00:16:00.002+03:00

Two things i learned today...

1st, the importance to let it go...you see..it just so suck when my eyes break into tears..looking at certain of my decisions..either throwing ash out from this house..The only shelter he had once..and off the record..he just a cat...and to be a captivity in your own prison...is totally out of control...

A prison that i created without the key..how should i release myself...and then i discover to let it go...and believe me it is gonna be damn bloody hard...although there some of my past decisions are still in abysmal depth that make my drive to try harder to amend the guilt...i will try to let it go wherever i feel necessary....And yah,it just about a cat...

2nd,emotion is so unpredictable..or it is just me...even i realize when my mind at it very bad performance that i miss her but for today all of my body parts is missing her very badly...with a length that still unknown times the width that i could not calculate...

So what i'm doing here...haha...just do not want to create a commotion...so keeping low or stealth is the best description i prefer....Which i understand that sometimes you just have to make a decision to save the situation...while for the rest....

I rest my case

Page 55

2009-06-10T20:55:00.002+03:00

And Ellen Degeneres said: Whenever i ask myself, "Why go on?" I must answer, "Why not." Miracles do happen...

A statement that i fully agreed...a statement that i had went trough personally..And as a person,it had input an extravaganza of faith in the heart of mine...And because of that experiences,till this moment...when the star is shining upon me..while the moon is smiling upon mankind...i hope and pray she is okay...just missing her day by day...will not express it yet cause the value will fade if it is being keep repeating every sec...but yah..it is totally damn true...i will just be here waiting without you...

Miracles do happen...

Khatimah cinta

2009-06-08T16:23:00.003+03:00

Seize The Day

2009-06-07T16:07:00.003+03:00

Hmmm....Nice

All guys are the same

2009-06-06T20:31:00.002+03:00

I'm history...
Please forgive me dear...
You are my everything...
Please let me explain...
Trust me...

My comment will be...bullshit...haha..Once, a friend of mine asked me..are the guys all the same?does they play with words?

My answer will be..yah..most of the guys but not all of the guys..And i'm not excluded...You see my dear readers..as a guy,we almost make wrong judgments or decisions in choosing our life partners..we would want the best..and because of that we will produce the best words and the best excuses..and thats why it is call the fabricated love..we trample the girls hearts..we crush their trust and most of all we never ever appreciate the second chance that had been given to us...

Therefore,guys are famish species..they are damn bloody greedy and will always act like they care but get tired at the end of the day..Funny but thats is one of the reality..but to judge all of them as one is totally unacceptable...

There is also live a throng of guys that really love their life partners sincerely...except the fear of being jilted or ditched that what makes a person to hold back their words...You will never hear the words I Love You..not even My dear...but the fact is..they really care...and that will create another problem..their life partners will assume that they never care..not because of the action but because of the words...So i guess they are two groups of guy..someone that is good and damn bloody good at words and someone that is totally suck at words but impart their true love trough action...

While i'm trying to be the second..i also cannot ignore the 1st...because both will make your heart full of unconditionally love...Therefore i amend the 1st by praying to God ask the Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam to take care of her...and will fill her heart with happiness and never again being hurt or cheated..and replace the bitterness of life with prosperity and progress for her nation as a woman...

As for my action...i will go on trying to prove bit by bit..and most of all..to be sincere in my doings...because seriously,it is damn bloody hard to show an action that is not being side dishes...sorry for the terms...While she is fighting for her family..he is fighting for her...and i'm fighting and will go on fighting for myself,for her,for him...and for everyone...and if they could listen to my remorse...I just wanna them to know that...

I really care..and i really do...

Myself

2009-06-05T15:21:00.002+03:00

My name is Ilyas Bin Zakaria...I'm proud with that name that had been entitled to me by my parents.Which of course they planned to name me Iskandar Zulkarnain Shah...but my father disagreed...Reason,what a long name..therefore they came up with consensus to address me Ilyas..A jew name if i'm not mistaken..because if it is gonna be in arabic it will be hopeless...haha

Would it be enough just to understand someone by that bit of introduction..it will never be...To understand someone,you need to be patience...hey,i do not mean to fix a person..i said..To UNDERSTAND a person..even our own family..we might realize their bad and good character..but it does not mean you understand them inside them totally...It is just you need the enthusiasm and endurance to scuba diving...deep inside them...even a little of emotion that they shared with you..it will be enough although it will never be...

And so i'm still searching for my soul that live within me...not to fix what went wrong..but to understand my own strengths and weaknesses...so i could benefit and use it at the right way and at the right time...a friend once taught me that in life you need to keep walking..stop only to catch your breathe..and then continue the journey..If you intend to stop the searching then death is better for you...i laugh at the moment but now i able to see clear as a crystal behind that wisdom.

Take Care

2009-06-05T03:15:00.003+03:00

A phrase that means a lot to me for someone..nah..not gonna run nor leave no more...it is just deep bottom of my heart,i realize that i could not be there always for her..but the hope that she will be alright facing this cruel world..and not to mention hidden mysteries that stay unseen...

Therefore i'm gonna repeat the phrase thousand times..until the day that fate i have not yet seen nor understand...either she will be the one or otherwise....unpredictable but yet it is full of moments that will be a story to be shared with my descendant one day..how their father,grandfather and great grandfather walking on the path that i call life...Take Care

Desert rose: Sting

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in pain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand

I dream of fire
Those dreams are tied to a horse that will never tire
And in the flames
Her shadows play in the shape of a man's desire

This desert rose
Each of her veils, a secret promise
This desert flower
No sweet perfume ever tortured me more than this

And as she turns
This way she moves in the logic of all my dreams
This fire burns
I realize that nothing's as it seem

I dream of rain
I lift my gaze to empty skies above
I close my eyes, this rare perfume
Is the sweet intoxication of her love

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in pain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand

Sweet desert rose
Each of her veils, a secret promise
This desert flower
No sweet perfume ever tortured me more than this

Sweet desert rose
This memory of Eden haunts us all
This desert flower, this rare perfume
Is the sweet intoxication of the fall

Dedication

2009-06-02T07:56:00.003+03:00

How far a song could affects your feeling?Just wanna share with all of you guys this lyric..Sang by 6ixth Sense...Entitled ( Dari Hati )

Dedicated specially for her...Keep on guessing...haha...Gosh i'm late for my paper...see ya..

Oh Tuhan tolonglah diriku
Aku sungguh menginginkan dia
Untuk mencintaiku dan mendampingiku
Di dalam hidupku ini

Oh Tuhan bukalah hatinya
Untuk melupakan kesalahanku
Yang tlah menjadi duri di dlam hatinya
Dan melukai hatinya

Tolonglah dakap aku yang melukaimu
Aku ingin engkau tahu
Aku selalu cinta padamu

Aku tlah menyesalinya
Semua...

Rothmans

2009-06-01T18:28:00.003+03:00

We meet again my faithful readers...just felt so relaxing when i light up my cigarettes..when i'm gonna quit? my mother had babbling enough...my dearest friends had nag like grandmothers...but still i won't quit smoking..it is because of my intention to not quit smoking yet...intention...a very very big scope if we are gonna discuss about it...a wise man had once advise me that when you have the intention to do something...just do it...and Allah and His Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam will guide you...hmmm...must quit..when and where...hmmm

Two days ago, i met with ash..a pet that we cared but just become a strayed cat because of its ungrateful character...how dare it pees on my beloved laptop...but then meeting with it make me ponder...hey,it is getting bigger..healthier and guess happier...because it got the opportunity to meet with its kind and of course a life of no rules...

When we talked about rules...does it mean we care or otherwise..there are rules everywhere..and if disobey the rules you will get fine..as though a reprimand because offending the rules that had been made...but a saying goes..rule is made to be broken..damn the philosopher...

While tomorrow will be my last examination..it had been fixed but what i will be going trough is still unseen..just have to equip myself and of course to be confidence..and that is part of life after all..what is the use to fight if you do not believe in yourself...what is the use of fighting if you gonna lose in the end...so fight on because you believe..and even though you gonna lose..raise again and fight till your last breathe...wow...what a quote...

Hope she is doing fine..praying the best for her is the least that i could do...

Nickelback: I'd come for you

Just One more moment, that's all that's needed.
Like wounded soldiers in need of healing.
Time to be honest, this time I'm bleeding
Please don't dwell on it, cause I didn't mean it

I cant believe I said I'd lay our love on the ground
But it doesn't matter cause I've made it up forgive me now
Everyday I spend away my souls inside out
Gotta be someway that I can make it up to you now, somehow.

By now you'd know that I'd come for you
No one but you, yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to
And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you

I was blindfolded, but now I'm seeing
My mind was closing, now I'm believing
I finally know what just what it means to let someone in
To see the side of me that no one does or ever will
So if your ever lost and find yourself all alone
I'd search forever just to bring you home,
Here and now this I vow

Yes I'd come for you, no one but you,
Yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to

No matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you
I'd crawl across this world for you
Do anything you want me to
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you
You know I'll always come for you

Step by step

2009-05-29T05:03:00.002+03:00

Slowly i take my step..and slowly i'm getting there..it is still out of my reach..but i believe i could arrive safely..

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person... each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us...and because of that i will keep moving...

Language and me

2009-05-27T18:12:00.002+03:00

Although it had got nothing to do with what i'm gonna share with all of you...but i guess the connection is there..you see,my passion towards language had been nurtured in me since i'm young..from the day where i looked at language from an angle but today i had managed to see it from different angles...

And of course by the assistance of peoples surround me and also books..and i mean good books..such as empire of words..a book that discussed about the 1st language that came to earth..and from the language itself someone could trace his own history...not forgetting a book title the evolution of language...About how a particular words could evolved from times to times..example,Arsenal..is actually taken from the arabic language that said dar sina'ah...not gonna explain about it over here...

It seems when something or someone dear to you...you will strive to give the best in it..You will do some additional research just for the sake of it..her..him...Touching..you will put an extra effort...and it just because of your passion..you so compassionate...With the hope,that dream will become a reality...an ambition that you give your everything just to achieve it..but does it worth?i shall say yes...because along that way, you will gain something that i called it as experiences...an experiences that will nurture your mind,purify your soul and expand your circle of new acquaintances.and of course,there will be no easy way out..to win a heart,you should sacrifice your own...to achieve what you dream for,you should faces an obstacles...and if you gives peanut...a monkey will surely be by your side..

By the way, i feel so hopeless right now...please grab my hand someone...

ATTACKING PLAN OF THE ENEMIES OF ISLAM AGAINST SAIYIDINA MUHAMMAD RASULULLAH sollallahu'alaihiwassalam

2009-05-25T12:00:00.002+03:00

The new attacking plan focuses on two accusations:

The First Accusation: Irtibat (Binding) of one’s self with the Prophet sollallahu'alaihiwassalam is polytheism and blasphemous.

Islam indeed is different from other religions because no religious leader has the right to alter obligatory practices or modify the structure of the Muslim Ummah. While in some popular major religions, religion itself is an interpretation and a limitation of faith. Some other religions might even have appointed a religious leader with the authority to pass a new law which is not based on previous religious sources and to allow him to change religious laws to suit modern advances and demands.

As there is no authority for any Islamic religious leader to change religious laws, every Muslim has his own responsibility to know the necessary believes about His Exalted God and about His Prophet sollallahu'alaihiwassalam. Although there is no prohibition that restricts a Muslim to heed the speeches of Islamic scholars and accept their views, he must be mindful, aware, able and cautious that he is solely responsible, and that he should not stop thinking and analyzing for himself to the extent of fully submitting his problems to a religious scholar.

This is because the only person who is flawless in His speeches and actions is Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam, while any religious scholar may still be erroneous and fallacious. Therefore, we must acquire our faith from the book of Allah the Exalted One and the words of the Chosen Prophet sollallahu'alaihiwassalam, bearing in mind that even the speeches of Islamic scholars must contain Al-Quran Al-Karim and Al-Hadis Asy-Syarif. Hence, we accept views from Islamic scholars that conform to Al-Quran and Al-Hadis but not those that contradict them. Thus, Islam does not allow anyone to scrutinize and analyze Islam as he wishes. Instead, he must be responsible to Allah SWT and his first responsibility is towards himself.

Therefore, if there is someone who makes an allegation that binding oneself with the Prophet sollallahu'alaihiwassalam is blasphemous and is astray from monotheism, a Muslim should neither worry nor unbind himself from Saiyidul Basyar Muhammad Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam as a result of the intimidation. Instead, he must use his mind and look into religious resources and question the accuser for preserved evidences that are rational which, as a result, can pacify the heart.

If a Muslim has used his mind in understanding the concept of Irtibat with the Prophet sollallahu'alaihiwassalam until he is convinced that it is not polytheism or blasphemous, he will realize that polytheism is worshipping a person and liken him to Allah SWT. This is impossible and will not happen to the One who has been given supremacy by Allah SWT as the Chosen One sollallahu'alaihiwassalam, as based on two reasons:

First reason: Verily, through the evidences of Al-Quran Al-Karim, Allah SWT has protected His Chosen Messenger sollallahu'alaihiwassalam to differ from the behaviour of humans. The most important, general and everlasting conserved phenomenon in the history of mankind is that Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam is protected from being worshipped by humans. That is why Muslims had never and will never worship their Prophet sollallahu'alaihiwassalam. This is to protect Muhammad Rasulullahsollallahu'alaihiwassalam.

Second reason: Indeed, monotheism has been in the hearts of Muslims and on the lands of the Muslim Ummah. Upholding the religion is the sufficient proof that a Muslim will never fall into polytheism. Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam says, which means, “By Allah, indeed I do not worry if all of you will fall into polytheism after my departure, but I worry if all of you debate about it.”

If a Muslim uses his mind to ponder, he will realise that this binding is a relationship between two of the same kind (between humans). Therefore, if a Muslim is to unbind himself from Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam, who should he bind with in order to build the Ummah to ensure its continuity?

The Second Accusation: The roles of Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam had ended upon His death.

We observe that the ‘destroyers’ have attempted to change their strategies that aim to hurt and antagonize the Prophet sollallahu'alaihiwassalam directly by introducing new plans. Thus, from one aspect, they had asserted the value and power of Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam that He is an exalted person. They managed to influence the Ummah at that time and attempted to change the society and civilization. However, at the same time, they strived to diminish the greatness of Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam by spreading ideologies: This great person had delivered what he brought and had already left; he had delivered the Message to us and then ‘died’; he had completed his job; all the work had been done by Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam had been delivered and had ended at his time and do not continue in the following generations of the Ummah. The Ummah then, following his death, must believe for themselves and work hard to face changing facts and events by themselves.

In other words, these ‘destroyers’ have tried to silence the majority of Muslim Ummah in defending the Prophet sollallahu'alaihiwassalam. They have tried to erase the sayings of the Prophet sollallahu'alaihiwassalamwith regards to obligatory matters. Then, they have allowed the Muslim Ummah to read the Al-Quran with new methods that aim to promote modern thinking that explain Al-Quran and Islam to them in general. This is how we see in programmes that have been aired where we can almost find and hear some preachers who claim that it is time to produce ‘new prophets’ to explain about Islam and the unity of its Ummah.

Thus, these ‘destroyers’ believe that as an alternative to their efforts to belittle Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam, they strive to free the Muslim Ummah and isolate them from Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam. They have also attempted to change the resources that needed interpretation and further explanation by inserting varying versions. In other words, they open a wide path and directly resulted in the Muslim Ummah explaining Islam from their own perspectives, and unite Muslims through their lies. They will then successfully implement their plans by claiming that Saiyidina Muhammadur Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam has died and his roles in the lives of the Muslim Ummah have ended.

http://alusrahdandarawiyah-sg.com/

A promise

2009-05-25T11:46:00.003+03:00

Have you ever break your promise? Would you ever spit on someone face when he granted your wishes?

I had did it a lot...But at this sec..i will fulfill what i promised to someone...and would never turn back even though i'm given a choice to choose..i'm not gonna fight my fate no more..i'm not gonna even think about my destiny...a path of a warrior i chose...and as a warrior i should die...

And it is because i made a promise.

The End

Will you marry me?

2009-05-23T19:06:00.002+03:00

Alright..i'm not gonna settle down yet brothers and sisters..although i'm 26..but it still considerably young..is it? just cross my mind this proposal phrase..What is the feeling when someone decided to spend another half of his years with his love ones..Is it everything? or is it part of everything?

When someone decided to propose,what is the feeling of the bride to be? excited...confusion..or maybe she feel,he is the one..because to choose your life partner needs something that i called acceptance...we intend to fix someone from our point of angle..we also will accept someone to our own preferences..is it a right thing to do?i don't quiet agree with it..accept who she/he is.

You tell me...

Sweet Talk

2009-05-22T19:11:00.002+03:00

Alright...now the title was a bit ridiculous..but somehow it is interesting when that attitude is being link with a guy like me..and gosh..it could do wonders and it also could destroy your credibility when you are trying to be sincere...

As a person...i'm sure i'm rough..i'm not that lenient when i gave out an order..stern at times and of course i'm born with the face of caesar if only you do not know me well...but then sweet talker i'm..maybe yes or maybe not at all...

I have been trying all these times to tell people how much i care for them..i just would like to say i miss them so much...That i'm willing to do anything..i mean anything for them...and the problems,i always lie but i called it as rhetoric..my advice,never ever believe 100% what i say..it is your job to evaluate my statement and to help me to be better..but hey,i guess their judgments is something that i should think about...i'm sure that i still have alot to learn about sincerity...pride and dignity should goes fine with it...however,thanks to you all..action speaks louder than words..and i believe in it totally...rindu awak..( oh ok..i'm still a malay )

Face of the Devil

2009-05-21T13:32:00.003+03:00

Have you ever felt a moment of calmness..a moment that nothing is more precious than the conference between you and The Creator alone...And then,appear the devil to destroy that moment..it broke into pieces...it just did...but no one is complaining...But the feeling of emptiness is being filled with appreciation except the devil taint it again and again...

And come an angel..persuade the priestess to raise again and curse the devil...together they whisper the divine language and thee devil run away..crying and seek for shelter...He is bruises all over his body..do i really belong to hell? said the devil to himself..and while looking at his own injury..he realizes that he is also a creation of The Creator..and he started to ponder..would i be like the priestess..who is being guide by the angel...Oh no..i would not ever be like her..i'm just a disgrace to the mankind...people are disgusted with me..they will never accept me again..

Suddenly, he felt something inside his chest..he felt he had a heart..a heart that had being tainted with sins..a heart that never care about others..a heart that is full of darkness..and he said to himself, i'm just gonna be all alone in hell and no one will care for me...

And realizing about his action towards the priestess..he raises his arms and ask The Creator...Oh Creator...please guide her in her journey..please,i beg you to invite her in your warmth embrace..so that she will be strong..and never again to be deceive by the words of devil like me..and Creator..only you understand what she feel..so please protect her from the likes of me..If by destroying me could make her life better..with the companion of the angel..i hope you will do so...if only that will make me look the smile of sincerity on her face again and the trust in her heart...

The devil walk..mesmerizing on his lip of betrayal...with the hope that his request will be answered...And come to him a boy of his past..and said...Devil..you are cruel to the priestess and you always do..You should rip off that devil heart of yours and start to learn to appreciate her more..even the angel could not do so..why you asked to be destroyed when you should be the one to amend your own wrong doings..you should decide..and the boy slowly vanish from the devil eyesight...

The devil mourns..and he feel the skin of his heart is rip bit by bit...a closet he found..and slowly he approach the closet wondering what is inside...and there he saw a light that shining bright...soaking with tears...he entered and sat beside the light...and the light whisper...dear devil..i'm so cold..don't weep..i had gone a lot of obstacles more than you...It is only i'm not strong enough no more...Luckily you open the closet...The devil startled and said...dear light..i'm just a devil...

Yes you are..but the heart will always be purify if you just let it to...and if you do not mind...let me accompany you..with hope i will be stronger and you will be better...and then i might trust you a little..and slowly she embraces the devil in her warmth and whispers..Devil, even though you hurt me,i will always gonna accept you...because that is my responsibilities as a priestess...and maybe one day my heart will be full of love towards you....

And the devil feel calm.....

Unplugged

2009-05-21T03:08:00.003+03:00

Pearl jam..My favorite band ever..And till this moment i'm still listening to that kind of genre of music..Rock..and they said rock never dies...

Would i read and hold strong to the divine language one day..The Quran..To ponder it..the eagerness to understand the saying of The Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam..Hadith is the title..

When will i be able to change to be better...A muslim i am..the faith of believing in The only God...the faith of binding only to The Zaim Salawatullahi Wassalaam..but the action is totally contradict with the faith..Is it a sign of infidel..or the ainun nifaq..Nah..not going to conclude it..it just make my veins shiver...

But being alive is the only thing i really appreciate...because as long i breathe in the air..i believe there will be always chances for me to amend all the mistake..to repent on all the sins that i convict...to ask for forgiveness...and most of all to equip myself with the heart of warrior...and that's the opportunity Allah gives to his creation..An opportunity to walk again to his path...a chance to redeem oneself..but walking alone is gonna be impossible..Therefore Allah put inside all of us The Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam to accompany this journey..A journey that is full of obstacles..Not to mention surprises...and in every tests there will always a reward for us to gain...

Funny...when i look at my surrounding..A bunch of people that live with the affiliations as a muslim..and act as though they understand islam totally...as though they knew everything...and others know nothing...And i'm just so frustrated to see that...

I'm so exhausted..somehow i would like to meet someone that could teach me how to decipher the code in heart..so i could express my feeling freely...praying to Allah,asking The Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam to guide and raise her spirit again...I hope it is still not too late...Ooh..my vision is getting blurry...

Pearl Jam : Alive

"Son," she said, "have I got a little story for you...
What you thought was your daddy was nothin' but a...
While you were sittin' home alone at age thirteen
your real daddy was dyin'. Sorry you didn't see him, but I'm glad we talked..."

Oh I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey, I, I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey...oh...

Oh, she walks slowly, across a young man's room.
She said "I'm ready...for you..."
"I can't remember anything of this very day,
'cept the look, the look...
Oh, you know where, now I can't see, I just stare..."

I, I'm still alive
Hey I, but, I'm still alive
Hey I, boy, I'm still alive
Hey I, I, I, I'm still alive, yeah
Ooh yeah...yeah yeah yeah...oh...oh...

"Is something wrong?" she said
Of course there is
"You're still alive," she said
Oh, and do I deserve to be?
Is that the question?
And if so...if so...who answers...who answers...?

I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey I, but, I'm still alive
Yeah I, ooh, I'm still alive
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

The names ( Grand Finale )

2009-05-19T14:06:00.004+03:00

And then i walked again on this world..searching for answers..looking for comrades..befriends with my enemies..knowing myself..and most of all to kill the arrogance in my heart..

There i met him...a guy that i address him as our Mudaris..once he was our teacher..today he is our big brother..who will attend me when i'm in need..who will give me a valuable lessons when he thinks i need one...and not even once he disappoint my humble request..fatherly figure but yet so comfortable to be with...

And from him, i met them..who i acknowledged them as my brothers...brothers that accepted my shortcomings..lend me an ears when i'm in vain..tab my shoulder when i done a great job...and so the name of Bukhari,someone that i look up as a brother that i will console in every step of mine.Hamzah,a warrior he is and full of pride.Nas,so cool that an ice would melt.Khairil,always think out of the box.Rafi,brothers at heart and sincerity is his attitude.Andin,always wants the best in life.Qamar,a responsibility man and to have him as a father is a bless for his child.Nasir,the heart of courage is his strength.Mar,so hardworking that makes the world envy of his consistency and not forgetting a normal guy appearance but full of surprises,Rashid....

How would i also forget the name of brothers that shared my joy..taught me the meaning of brotherhood..From pre-u 2 united..to brand name of Hung-Hing...while the name fade away..Gagak Hitam was being establish...Brothers that i cared,brothers that i crumbled their hearts..will they forgive me if i'm sincere..will they accept me if i repent...I hope they will..and i will always hope they are..

The names like Zaki the most influential that could shake the world just with his presence, Hanafi who is gonna be a fatherly figure, Hamry who is so loud but kind at heart..Nazeeh who is so innocent that i wish i could turn the time again just to ask for forgiveness..Fatah,small size but full of enthusiasm,Budin the never say die attitude,Hyder who is young at age but full of experiences.Hasi so clumsy but had a vision that no one could had..Zayd who change alot but joker he is...Mizi,a mosquito we called but humble he is...Ismail not sure when he will shut up but had a soothing voice when reading the Quran..Noor Suriya a name that represent himself..always appreciate knowledge...Yasser,so easy going but stern at times...Nuzhan,a hypocrite they said but knows to comfort people gloominess..Yusof a guy who had a lot of ideas and still looking for answers..Shahid who is so patience that not even once that i notice the sign of anger on his face...The names was being mentioned..not to be forgotten while the names i failed to mentioned..because your faces will be always in my mind...

Then i met her...Before i met all of them..white shirt and red dress...love at first sight..i completely believe in it..cause till this moment the data never being deleted..the feeling still remains the same...The world called her The Light that enlighten people lives and the earth consensus is affirmative.

Along the middle..i lost the light..darkness approach me..and then i heard someone called my name..extend her hand and i hold it tight..she pulled me up and then i walked again..Feeling proud because she invited me in hers world..and the angels tell me she is Mishkah..the candles that shows the way...

When i'm about to reach the end..the candle started to fade away..saying..you have to go on by yourself..and then she left me alone..the road that looked clear begin to fogy once again...And blind i am...

I felt something..or someone...The Emotion she is hail..comes towards me and whispers at me..everything will be ok she said..i raise up again..understand that my journey is still along way to go..I search for the emotion in me..and i heard a whisper again..my job is done..it is time you believe in yourself and find what you really want...because your destiny is yours responsibility..put your faith on Allah and Rasulullah Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam..They will be your guidance till the end...

i remorse till my shirt wept...A wise man tab my shoulder..an angel i thought but a Prophet name he is..Musa met the pharoah to preach him..while Musa that attended me,give me the encouragement so that i could be a warrior..and a warrior i be..

Still unclear when i will reach the destination..Then,i smell an elegant perfume that trying to show me a sign that i could not understand yet..i try hard to find it but failure i should be..someone is holding my hand..who is she i asked..she smiled and slowly kiss my cheek...whispering, a warrior you are..a boy lives within you..a light might be your reward if only you look trough till the end in what you are being responsible for...

And she just fade away....

Good evening

2009-05-15T19:31:00.002+03:00

I feel so lazy right now...just wanna lay back and looking at the sky that got no boundary makes me wonder..how is she? what is she doing right now?hope she is doing fine?hope she is not skipping her meals..haha..funny when this kind of feeling happens to me...it had been a very very long time since i care for a person..maybe the distance that make me feel this way..

Sorry noor..if my english grammar and structure are so terrible..maybe this is why the new school of poetry come up with with new rules and regulations for poem on the year 1909...Express your inner feeling freely..

Yah..tomorrow will be my 1st examination..hope everything will go just fine..and you know something..suddenly i felt this blog is not only a medium for me to write what i felt or my experience..but somehow i just like to write and it had been so called hobby..maybe someday i would like to write a book..with the title goes ( linguistic in the era of globalization and its affect on human emotions )..sounds cool hah...

So just wanna share with you this song by eric clapton..tears in heaven..i'm not sure about this but it somehow connected to me..haha..so so so dramatic...

Tears in heaven by Eric Clapton

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven

Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please

Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

My sacrifice

2009-05-14T18:44:00.003+03:00

"My Sacrifice"

Hello my friend, we meet again
It's been awhile, where should we begin?
Feels like forever
Within my heart are memories
Of perfect love that you gave to me
Oh, I remember

We've seen our share of ups and downs
Oh how quickly life can turn around
In an instant
It feels so good to reunite
Within yourself and within your mind
Let's find peace there

When you are with me, I'm free
I'm careless, I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice

I just want to say hello again
I just want to say hello again

Creed:My sacrifice.

The names ( Part II )

2009-05-14T17:47:00.002+03:00

Rizal bin Abdullah...a stranger...a friend...a family...a memory and most of all a guy who taught me a valuable lesson that had accompanied me till today..

He was guy that i met when i'm still naive..and of course i'm still at a young age..he lives beside my block during that time..a normal family..he lives with his grandmother..and of course my childhood friend although he was a bit older than me..4 years gap i should say..

But then as time passed we begun to get more closer..as though he was a big brother to me..We share our moments,our sadness and happiness..And most of all,to do the daring things in life..( evil remarks )even my mother will ask for his advice when i'm being caught smoking at the age of 9..crap

Until one fine day..when we were having fun ( don't ever do this,i repent ) at the void deck of our apartment..suddenly the environment that was full with laughter change to be so soothing and quiet..

He said: Ilyas, one day we are gonna be on our separate ways..We might not gonna meet again..But i feel glad because i met a friend like you..A stranger that become a part of my family..You should know that i do not even knew who was my parents..they left while i'm still a baby..And the only relative i have is my grandmother..and now i have you and your family...

I replied: What the fuck..come on.what the heck about..not even once i see you so emotional like this..are you gonna crazy or what..

He said: nah..just wanna act to be a cool guy..haha..

I replied: yah..whatever..

11 may 2000..Thursday..Time 4 a.m

My mother woke me up while i'm still in my own dream..and that dream became a nightmare..A guy that i hold strong..a guy that i trust...a stranger that became a family just met with a motorcycle accident..and the conversation was for real.we are going our separate ways.

The End

Treasure the moments..take accounts on all the words that being said..because it might the last time you gonna heard from your dear friends..nor girlfriend..boyfriends..wife..husband..parents..comrades..enemies..so stand beside them as long as you lives..and don't ever left them wandering alone..it just gonna cause you to miss them for the whole of your life...

We might be born apart but we will always be together forever..and there is even a time when i look at the sky and whisper to the world..How i wish i would listen to his heart....

The names ( Part 1 )

2009-05-14T15:00:00.005+03:00

Ok...just woke up..received a bad news..cannot do anything..people talk about respect..friends..examination...future...And in every that particulars incidents there will be characters..A names of the actor and actress...And i'm the main role-play..It is because it is my life...

For years i have known a lot of peoples...with different backgrounds..some are so steeped in their own world..While others are so determined to reconcile the Ummah..While there is also a throng of people who is just getting better and better..

Some are dear to me while some are not..Some that i could consider friends and some take me as their enemy...Interesting how life it is...and today the character that had been with me along since i'm an infant is my mother...

Asnah...it should be hasnah..if you gonna look at the point of linguistic..come on don't ever think to argue with me on that..:)...the beauty...the best nature that i look up on my mother is never say die attitude..she is so sincere that makes she is always alone..Because reality is unfair to her..Everyone want to listen to good things but not the bad side of reality...

There is one incident when my mother yell at me and said..Ilyas, are you gonna be filial when i die..if that the way you are then you better go to hell...haha..bad ilyas...i'm not family oriented yet i guess..There is also a time when she beat me up like a prisoner of Guantanamo...So you should know the bruises just anywhere..But a mother is always a mother..They will regrets on their own-doings..It is not because they want to hurt others..it is just life is so unfair to them sometimes that make their reaction is totally comprehend to me when i put myself in her shoes..

Because later at night, she will enter my bedroom quietly just not to wake me up...Slowly she will attain me and apply medicine on the bruises...And while doing that she will cry..Once i heard she said..Ilyas,i'm sorry for my wrong-doings towards you..It is just i could not carry the burden of being an outcast from my own family..( long story ).And your father is always out because of his job ( i agree, i do not even remember when is the last time my father show his expression )so only to you i could express the hatred, the sadness and the depression...and i knew, my action was wrong..I'm sorry son..

I do not really understand at that moment..Because once i even said that my mother was a bad person...Oh Allah please forgive my sin towards her..Should ask forgiveness when i'm back..

And slowly time passed, and here i am..i'm 26..a man but a boy at heart..I understand one thing..to built a family is a dream for every woman..and to choose a husband is every woman wish...and to be that good husband,he is someone that will always be right there for her wife..defend her..attain her when she in needs..and most of all,a smile on that lips when they meet together in their own little world.If a success of a man beside him lays a woman..Then every happy woman beside them a man who could hold them to stand firmly...

And because a prince that is so close to his Queen..I inherit the attitude of my Queen ...very emotional..never say die..good at compress own feelings..Which i believe the names that enter in my life story..the names that i invite in my story...the names that i create in my story will just have to accept the attitude that i possess from the individual being that i respect the most..My mother..

At the end of my story, i might triumph as the warrior..i also might be the villain..even worst i might die alone..or happy ending with flowers bouquets around me...And will always be remembered as someone who left a legacy...

Therefore, i pray to Allah and ask Rasulullah Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam to take care of my only mother..the Queen of my heart..to bless her..to grant her wishes..and most of all for her to have a calm heart when she left this world for the hereafter...

Hail to The Queen..

Somehow i understand

2009-05-13T05:52:00.002+03:00

Thanks for sharing..It means a world to me..And somehow i understand the feeling to lost your love ones...They left you when you really need them..They left you when you need someone to talk to..They left you when you need a shoulder to cry on..And the saddest part they left you and people add sadness in your life..Believe me, i would cry when i look at the sins of hurting peoples who is already hurt of their loss..Damn, should i ever be a creation that called human being with heart..I still looking for the answer..one day i should find it...

Turn away,
If you could get me a drink
Of water 'cause my lips are
chapped and faded
Call my aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things
And bury me in all my favorite colors
My sisters and my brothers, still
I will not kiss you,
'Cause the hardest part of this
Is leaving you.

Now turn away,
'Cause I'm awful just to see
'Cause all my hair's
abandoned all my body,
Oh my agony
Know that I will never marry,
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo
But counting down the days to go.
It just ain't livin'.
And I just hope you know
That if you say
Good-bye today
I'd ask you to be true
'Cause the hardest part of this
is leaving you...

'Cause the hardest part of this
is leaving you...

Cancer: My Chemical Romance

Risk Taker

2009-05-13T05:14:00.002+03:00

I'm not sure why i'm smiling broadly today..Is it because i'm so happy..or is it the 16 hours base camp totally had help me being a better fine man..or maybe i started to understand what does love means..but the thing is..i'm happy..

When i said about being a risk taker..i really mean it brothers and sisters..you could never ever achieve nor win someone heart..whatever you name it..unless you going trough an adversity..an obstacles..it is a must..there is no easy way out..Unless you believe in yourself..then you will never walk that path as a warrior..

Come on..even during the civilization of Islam..The Companions of Rasulullah Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam faced wars..and i mean wars..a test from Allah..To test their faith Ridwanullah Alaihi towards Allah and Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam..And then,what make us so special not to faces the obstacles in our lives..Are we much better than Companions of Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam?

I'm gonna make alot of enemies..and i mean alot...I might gonna make alot of people envy of me..And if only i could prognosticate the future..Walah..it is much better..but it will be no surprise..and fortune-teller i will be..so i just believe in His fate..but i will keep trying..keep improving..keep showering that feeling with sincerity..which of course, is a bit tarnished with betrayal before..but a box of chocolate should do it for now..nah..not gonna use honey..haha

You are just gonna act awkwardly..Its so funny..but it is something you should and must do to gain whatever you ever dream before..When i look around at these tall buildings..20 floors..maybe more...to reach the top..you should take risk..you take the steps..maybe using accessories..just to reach there..

And to her...i just want she to understand that i'm gonna to prove it one more time..that i could be a person or should i say the person to take care of her..but until then i should believe..even though my message sometimes is not being replied...frustrating..but come on..she is not even your wife yet..so pray she will be great...and if you gonna meet her..enjoy the moment and just be yourself...

So until then..Just take good care of yourself..and yah..i miss my mother a lot today..and to understand a woman heart make me understand more about a mother feeling that faced alot of troubles just to take care of a boy who called ilyas..

I just not into english poem

2009-05-12T02:51:00.002+03:00

As I sit here gazing out the window,
Instead of working, I’m daydreaming of you...
And wondering if while you’re in your own world,
You’re thinking of me too.

I reminisce about the day we met and how you made me feel,
Looking at the glowing smile on your face,
Staring into your eyes,
Your smell, your touch, your warm embrace

What a special night that was...

And now, I’m starting to feel that warmth inside,
Like nothing or no one else can make me feel...
Butterflies, a constant smile, happy thoughts,
Looking forward to the next time we meet.

What lies ahead, down the road to love?
Can it possibly be what I’ve been hoping for?
All my goals, dreams, passions, hopes...
Glaring now before me with great anticipation.

No one knows what tomorrow brings...
One can only wish and believe...
I have abounding faith that God will take care of me,
And bring the right person into my life.

Could it be you?
Time will tell...
I feel a special bond starting between us,
And so I’m truly hopeful that it is (you).

Haha...hope there will be no misunderstanding to the readers..just trying to apply my limited vocabulary...wondering when will this training will be over...

30 more pages and 2 books left..

2009-05-11T01:38:00.002+03:00

Looking at the title itself make me wonder..Gosh...could i extend the time a bit longer..or forever...just do not want it to finish..just do not want the moment to end..If someone gonna ask you..if given a chance to be with your love one..would you like to be with him or her forever..every sec..

If you are gonna say yes..that i will say you are lying..because life is just not about him or her..You also have to think about your family that had took care of you..your comrades..anything or anyone that is precious to you need your attention..even yourself had an ambition to achieve.

If you are gonna say no..that will be ridiculous.even i will acknowledge that you do not love him or her sincerely..Because to spend wonderful moment of chit-chat..looking at the face of your love one is totally making your feeling so relax..as though you are living in heavens..There are seven..so depends on your good deeds...

So i think which might be right or wrong..To love someone is just like craving a box of chocolate..If you gonna eat too much,you will get fat..sickness..maybe heart attack and the feeling of appreciation will slowly fade away..but if you eat the chocolate with the feeling of sensation as though you are having a nice time with it..guess what..that's the moment you become one with the chocolate that melt in your mouth and not in your hand...

But to get fat eating a chocolate is not so bad as it seems...haha...not gonna brag about it no more..my advice..believe in yourself and don't push yourself to the limit that make he or she choke with your attendance..He or she needs some space to breathe...Believe me you could see at their faces...

The Reason

2009-05-10T02:21:00.002+03:00

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

Hoobastank

I'm free

2009-05-10T01:40:00.003+03:00

Ironically in life you need to do something that you never ever thought you are gonna do it in life...And today i just did that...The heart that was so fragile had become one again...And it just because i let it all out from my emotional conflict..The inferiority complex...The feeling of being dejected and rejected..The feeling of being accepted..And i feel the air that i breathe which i called love...

Not over-rated myself..but the confidence that i need is totally compiling and reconciling every second...It is not about what you think..Its all about what you do...

And thanks to that moment..A moment that i'm gonna treasure it along this journey..The words of monotone but filled with encouragement..Make me realize and fully understand..The feeling of a woman..To comprehend that standing in front of the door will never change anything...but by entering that door will make you know almost everything about a woman..

Therefore...i'm gonna do what should i do..Enough with the talking..enough with the sweet talk...it is time to make an effort with sincerity and not to tarnish the heart once again..she is observing my movement..and just wanna tell you..thanks for everything..thanks for teaching me a valuable lesson..Although you are small in size but you have a big heart..

One more thing..to anyone who condemned my decision..you will never ever be my rival..it is just the fact a throng of Gladiator is trying to impress the Queen..You just play your part while i play mine..And may the best triumph on the battle field of Rome...

Have you ever loved someone but could not show it...

2009-05-08T19:58:00.004+03:00

To realize that you love someone so badly after he or she left you is nothing more than a torment of a lifetime..

I do not understand the saying until i met a wise man who show me the true meaning of loving someone...So the scene goes like this:

I: Sir, how do i know that i really love someone?

Wise man: Do you like your shirt that you are wearing right now?

I: I don't think so...Why? (confused)

Wise man: If you are gonna lost that shirt you are wearing right now on the desert and you are left half naked at the season of winter..What will you feel?

I: I will feel cold Sir..And i will wish how i will not lost it.

Wise man: It means you only realize the importance of the shirt when bad things happen to it which left you regret on the loss..And that is how you measure your love towards someone...

I: Ok...That's cool..but then how will i know that he or she is the one that i love and what should i do for not letting it go?

Wise man:( Looking around him and he grab a stick and trying to beat me with it)

I: ( Without delay,raise my arm to defend myself )

Wise man: ( Smiling ) Why you defend yourself?

I: Instinct...It is because you want to beat me.

Wise man: That's is the answer if you want it to stay..then you will defend it..No matter what the cost is gonna be...You defend yourself because you do not want to be hurt..You defend your love ones because you would never dare to hurt them....

I: (Crying) how pity i am...i loss my love one because i could not defend her..And i only realize how deep my love for her when she gone...

Wise man: Believe young man..May Allah and His Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam guide your path and meet her again..And strengthen your fragile soul to be one again..

I: Thanks Sir..

Wow...And guess what..the burden in my heart is lift a bit..and now i could understand life a bit clearer....Hope she is reading this...

I'm shouting

2009-05-06T05:32:00.002+03:00

At this moment..my heart is shouting loud..my heart is crumble..my heart is uneasy till i lost goodnight sleep..my heart is searching for the answers..my heart is praying for guidance...my heart is asking for forgiveness...

Would i be forgotten by my love ones..would i be gone astray and will never ever walk on a straight path again..would you be my companion if i request..would you listen to my weep if i could not deny being hurt...would you forgive me if i betray you again and again..would you tape my heart if it had broken to pieces...would you heed my advice just because i care for you...would you hold my hand for a while even you are not gonna here...

What kept inside me will always remain a secret..what i shared will always a burden that i could not carry it any longer..

The future is full of surprises..the heart of my love ones is kept just within her..How could i understand when it is not reveal..And how could i act if i do not understand..Oh Allah..please enlighten me with the answer..please connect me to Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam so i will be calm..Until then,i will just believe....

It's time...

2009-04-27T06:11:00.003+03:00

At last..i had found the answer for the only question that had been playing in my head for years..The question that could not be answered by academic knowledge..not even a wise man could..

Only by walking with proud but humble on this world..someone like me who had yearning for the answer for a long time...What someone could do if he reads the Quran but do not ponder and act on it..What someone could understand of the saying of the Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam if he does not bind with zat Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...

Therefore, at this moment..i prays to Allah and thanks Rasulullah Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam for the answer that had been given to me...

UNIFYING ZA'AMAH II

2009-04-21T01:47:00.002+02:00

Continuation of UNIFYING ZA'AMAH I

2nd Consideration: A Muslim’s Irtibat with the unique prophetic self of Rasulullah SAW will change his self formation (Takwin).

We understand that a Muslim cannot change his self formation by holding on to the Risalah Al Muhammadiyah (Final Message) [Maslak, Suluk, Manhaj, and Minhaj]. It is made clear in which only through Irtibat (binding of faith) with his dzat (person) of Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam can a Muslim change his self formation.

Thus it is not enough to follow his Risalah through Rasulullah’s sollallahu'alaihiwassalam first role as the Rasul that Finalizes Islam. However, he must follow the 2 nd role of which that he is the Zaim that Unites the Muslimin to change his self formation.

3rd Consideration: Rasulullah’s sollallahu'alaihiwassalam role of Siyadah and Za’amah continues even after his Intiqal.

A sizable portion of the Muslim population believe that Rasulullah’s sollallahu'alaihiwassalam Siyadah and Za’amah are entitled only to the fellow Companions and Mukmins that live during his time. To answer this assumption and preconception, we have to look back to the Islamic divine evidences (nas-nas) that become the reference of our principles of faith (aqidah) and the thinking of those who have faith.

We begin this analysis of the continuity of Rasulullah’s sollallahu'alaihiwassalam Siyadah to all who have faith, be it for those who live during the time of Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam, his Intiqal or the day when there is nobody left in this world that says “I am a Muslim”. There are evidences quoted from the verses of Al Qur’an Al Karim and the Prophet’s sollallahu'alaihiwassalam glorious hadiths.

Firstly, all verses of Al Qur’an Al Karim that command the obligation to follow and obey Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam project his Siyadah. All the verses are not restricted to only the Muslims that lived during the time of Rasulullah’s sollallahu'alaihiwassalam human life. However the law of the verses encompass to the whole ummah until the end of time.

Secondly, the glorious hadiths which contain the term Siyadah remind those who have faith that Rasulullah’s sollallahu'alaihiwassalam Siyadah is not only limited during his human life. At the same time Rasulullah’s sollallahu'alaihiwassalam Siyadah is not only limited during a person’s life. His Siyadah is ongoing during a mukmin’s life, his death and hereafter.

Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam says which means, “By the One whom my life is in His Hand, indeed I am the master of humans in the day of Qiamat, without boasting or bragging”.

Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam also says which means, “I am the master of Adam’s sons and I am the first one whom the Earth open up for me with the permission of Allah, the first person to give syafaat and the first to receive syafaat.”

Next we discuss the continuity of Rasulullah’s SAW unifying Za’amah to all who have faith, regardless whether they live during or after the time of Rasulullah’s sollallahu'alaihiwassalam human life. This is because Rasulullah’s sollallahu'alaihiwassalam Za’amah is a Za’amah that is constant in this world and hereafter. There are evidences quoted from the verses of Al Quran Al Karim and the Prophet’s sollallahu'alaihiwassalam glorious hadiths.

Firstly, every verse of Al Qu’ran Al Karim that explains Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam is a Guarantor whom exists in each individual that follow and obey Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam proves his unifying Za’amah. The verses clearly show that these statements do not become void after Rasulullah’s sollallahu'alaihiwassalam Intiqal. In fact, the verses are the judgment of the syariah law that is applicable to the whole ummah in all age and time.

Secondly, the glorious hadiths which shows us to the Za’amah of Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam for the Muslim Ummah, which penetrates through all eras till beyond life in Dunia such that we are able to witness that his guarantee to those who have faith is evident in life in Akhirah.

Indeed this is the Za’amah of the person of Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam who accepts the pledge of those who pledge to him and gathers his guarantee to those who pledge to him with both the guarantees of Dunia and Akhirah.

Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam says which means, “I am the Zaim in the house in Heaven for those who resist bragging, although it is a true problem. I am also the Zaim in the house of Heaven for those who leaves a lie, even if the lie is a joke and I am the Zaim in the house of the highest Heaven for those with good character.”

Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam also says which means, “I am the Zaim, and Zaim is a guarantor, for those who have faith in me, embrace Islam, and migrates, in the house of Heaven, in the house in the middle of Heaven. And I am the Zaim for those who have faith in me, embrace Islam and Jihad in the way of Allah, in the house of Heaven, in the house in the middle of heaven and in the house in the highest rooms of Heaven. Those who have done as such and constantly do good and leave the bad, he shall die as how he wishes to.

This article is an excerpt from the encyclopedia Asda’ Wasiqah Baidha’: Takwin Wa Kiyan by Dr Su’ad Al-Hakim, a professor in Islamic Philosophy and Sufism which was written in Arabic. This encyclopedia provides evidences from Al Quran Al Karim and Al Hadith Ash Sharif and cross references to Islamic history with the aim of supporting the book by Al Fadhl Bin Al Abbas Ad Dandarawi, Al-Usrah Ad-Dandarawiyah, Takwin Wa Kiyan (Built and Model). This book explains the disunity of the Ummah that started since the 18th century because the Ummah separate the leadership of The Master of Mankind sollallahu'alaihiwassalam from Islam.

http://alusrahdandarawiyah-sg.com

Something just not right

2009-04-21T00:59:00.004+02:00

I wonder...if i had friends anymore..
I wonder...if my emotion is going retaliate...
I wonder...if i had love someone or anyone...

Because after a long journey..i'm stuck in the middle..feeling alone..and loneliness accompany me along the way...If should i give up the trust then overcame the past challenges will be meaningless..It will only be a dream that could not be achieved...Something inside my heart is trying to tell me something but it could not reach my ears...My mind is confused...I look around me..searching for someone..To tell my problems..to torment my loss..to ask for advice..but damn,no one is there..Not even a soul that i could cling on..And all that i request,a shoulder to cry on...Should i weep bitter tears of remorse..then i should pray to be a baby when i wake up in the next morning...but to wipe the tears..i'm lying to myself because my heart is crying inside...

Meeting you is a bless...Dreaming of you is what i wish for...Reconciling with you is a hope that i hold till this moment...

Therefore, i realise a thing..The reason why i'm still walking...because there is always a hope inside you for me..Thanks...

Avenged Sevenfold

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
To hold her when I'm not around
When I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
And all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold
When hope begins to fade

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love purpose hard to find

The memories remain

2009-04-06T03:27:00.004+02:00

Am i cool or what

I'm still young and naive.

I'm still young, naive and vulnerable.

Damn, what i'm doing.

I'm still searching...

New chapter begins....

Not that young, not that naive, getting stronger but the searching and learning still continue...

How would i forget the moment and their faces when they are dear to me...

From a boy i became a man..from nil i carry out my responsibilities and from the obstacles i gain my experiences..But will i ever leave a legacy?

To be wise man might be something i dream of..But still i'm far from that description..I'm getting older..What had i achieved..

The new me..Having said all these.My path is still far..but still the memories will always accompany my journey..To reflect my past..remember my comrades..To groom me to better in present and become a legend in future..Well said

hell yeah

2009-04-06T02:13:00.003+02:00

ok...now i have something to share with all you...The important criteria to be a leader is to put everyone else before ourselves...Because for the real fact, a leader is someone who serve his people...And that is the teaching of our Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam..

And because of that..and of course an incident took place few hours back..Suddenly i'm full of energy, my self confidence had raise to a level of excellent...The spirit of enthusiasm and most of all my path is getting clearer...Not rushing things but the faith to reach that certain goal in my life is higher than before...Thanks Allah And Rasulullah Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam...

Just a wish that i asked had not been granted yet..And that to cure the missing potion in my heart..But still i'm grateful...Don't get greedy boy..

UNIFYING ZA'AMAH

2009-04-02T05:06:00.004+02:00

With regards to this subject, we will summarise it from three important perspectives:

First perspective: What or who is able to unite the Muslim Ummah?

There are strong evidences to prove that Muhammad Rasulullah sollallahu'alaihiwassalam with his Az Za’amah Al Jaami’ah (Unifying Guarantee) is able to unite the Muslim Ummah in one Ummah. This gathering of the Ummah will last forever as long as the Muslim Ummah stays under the banner of the only one Za’amah Muhammadiyah. These are the words that are being said by the Dandarawi Family about the gathering of the Muslim Ummah [ Jam’ul Muslimin ] and the one who is able to unite the Muslim Ummah [ Jaami’ul Muslimin ]. So what do others say?

We heard from a group of Muslims that claims Al Qur’an Al Karim is able to unite the Muslims, and we also heard from another group that suggests Tauhid is able to unite Muslims... And we also heard about many others. To answer the above opinions, we have two answers:

First answer: As an answer to those who claim that Al Qur’an, Tauhid or others that are able to unite the Muslim Ummah.

Indeed history has written and what the Muslim Ummah had experienced, that is continuous up till today, stated that the Muslim Ummah had segregated into different groups because of Al Qur’an. Each group defends their own direction of interpretations and understanding, when at times they argue and debate among each other. This is because Al Qur’an can be interpreted with varying meanings...

As how it has been agreed in the history of Islamic Philosophy that the whole Muslim Ummah has consensually agreed with the oneness of Allah Subhanahu, however they segregate into different groups with their respective perspectives towards Tauhid, each and every one of them accuses those who disagree with them of blasphemy.

Second answer: The one who is able to unite an organisation must be of the same kind.

Indeed the centre of rotation of objects must be of similar kind to the objects that surrounds it, similar with them and at the same time having special attributes: similar in its kind... and having special attributes that can’t be matched by anyone from its kind. Therefore, the centre of rotation that the Muslim Ummah should surround must be someone that is of their kind. As the Muslim Ummah consists of humans, hence, its centre of rotation must be someone of a human kind too. With regards to the special attributes which cannot be compared to those of a different kind, hence the centre of rotation must always be one and cannot be in numbers. Supposedly if there is to be two centers of rotation, two groups will be formed instead of one. Therefore, to form one group only, there has to be only one centre of rotation.

There are evidences to prove that only one centre of rotation has to exist as how we have stated above and that the centre must be of the similar kind to the bodies that surround it, simultaneously owning special attributes. Indeed we are able to see these evidences in different aspects of our lives. If we look at the outerspace for example, we will notice that all planets orbit around a centre of rotation that is similar to its kind, which is the sun. The sun is an astronomical body and at the same time own special attributes that is unique. There is only one sun and everything else rotates around it in a wonderful and orderly orbiting network, hence if there is something that disrupts the network, everything will be affected and destroyed. As how the sun forms this network, the same goes with the network of nature or humans. Verily, the centre of rotation that is able to unite is similar to its kind and owns a special unique attribute... Therefore, if the gathering is the gathering of humans, it is obvious that the one who can unite and be centre of rotation must also be from the humankind, and not others.
Second perspective: Do look forward to the next article...

This article is an excerpt from the encyclopedia Asda’ Wasiqah Baidha’: Takwin Wa Kiyan by Dr Su’ad Al-Hakim, a professor in Islamic Philosophy and Sufism which was written in Arabic. This encyclopedia provides evidences from Al Quran Al Karim and Al Hadith Ash Sharif and cross references to Islamic history with the aim of supporting the book by Al Fadhl Bin Al Abbas Ad Dandarawi, Al-Usrah Ad-Dandarawiyah, Takwin Wa Kiyan (Built and Model). This book explains the disunity of the Ummah that started since the 18th century because the Ummah separate the leadership of The Master of Mankind sollallahu'alaihiwassalam from Islam.

My dear, you also could go to ( http://alusrahdandarawiyah-sg.com )

Trust

2009-04-02T04:48:00.002+02:00

Who should i trust? Who should i love? Are there no trustworthy person no more out there...Hold my hand...Grab it tightly...Is it all a lie? I'm still searching for the answer...Pls give me the light so i can see what is really happening...

Its end here

2009-03-31T16:18:00.002+02:00

I said: Then i will not ask no more question.
She replied: haha good.

It hurt so much as though i'm bleeding inside..( Chapter 9 from the journey novel )

Haha...When i'm reading this novel i could not really get it..If i'm gonna cry it is just not me..But a human being that being created with emotion, i cannot deny the fact that if this heartbreaking story is gonna happen upon me..What am i gonna do?

So my chapter ends here but my journey will continue...How long will i live and how much experience will i gain? I'm not sure..Just have to wait when i'm back in Singapore...soon

Gun & Roses

2009-03-27T23:38:00.002+02:00

And now I don't know why
She wouldn't say goodbye
But then it seems that I
Had seen it in her eyes
And it might not be wise
I'd still have to try
With all the love I have inside
I can't deny

I just can't let it die
Cause her heart's just like mine
And she holds her pain inside
So if you ask me why
She wouldn't say goodbye
I know somewhere inside
There is a special light
Still shining bright
And even on the darkest night
She can't deny

So if she's somewhere near me
I hope to God she hears me
There's no one else could ever make me feel
I'm so alive
I hoped she'd never leave me
Please God you must believe me
I've searched the universe and found myself
Within' her eyes

No matter how I try
They say it's all a lie
So what's the use of my
Confessions to a crime
Of passions that won't die
In my heart

So if she's somewhere near me
I hope to God she hears me
There's no one else could ever make me feel
I'm so alive
I hoped she'd never leave me
Please God you must believe me
I've searched the universe and found myself
Within' her eyes

So if she's somewhere near me
I hope to God she hears me
There's no one else could ever make me feel
I'm so alive
I hoped she'd never leave me
Please God you must believe me
I've searched the universe and found myself
Within' her eyes

And now I don't know why
She wouldn't say goodbye
It just might be that I
Had seen it in her eyes
And now it seems that I
Gave up my ghost of pride
I'll never say goodbye

The perfume

2009-03-27T23:14:00.006+02:00

How are you? Hope all of you are doing good...It had been weeks i last posted my message via the blog...Alhamdulillah..I' doing fine..Not great but i feel good..Because i started to laugh, smile without any worries...But then somehow, an issue had been raise by certain individual...Nah..not gonna write about them just wanna share my thought with all of you about what i learnt from the incident...

You see my dear...In each one of us had our own philosophy, principle, ideology i should say...but the only thing that we lack is the nature of acceptance of others..Why this kind of mindset should happen when we believe without any doubts that a muslim should respect others before themselves.

Therefore i figure it out with the guidance of Allah and Rasulullah Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam..A muslim..who bind himself with Him Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam will never ever had this kind of attitude...Because Rasulullah Salawatullahi Wassalaam teaches all of us to respect other opinion..Not to condemned them but accept their opinion full hearted without any hatred...Analyse, observed then come with a conclusion..But in a good way and approach.And that is totally contradict today..Most of the so called scholars represent their idea by saying my idea is the best and that is bullshit...haha

I guess thats all for now...By the way the title perfume because in arabic it means atar but when the perfume smell nice it is call raihanah...If that scholars understand between a perfume and an elegant perfume..What should happen? You do the thinking........take care my dear..hope to see all of you again

Somehow

2009-03-21T20:57:00.002+02:00

Somehow, deep inside me is whispering near beside me...Telling me that my heart is missing her so much..Only my tougue could not express it into words..

Sharing

2009-03-21T20:50:00.001+02:00

يقال أن اللغة العربية ظلمت المرأة في خمسة مواضع وهي

أولا: إذاكان الرجل لا يزال على قيد الحياة فيقال عنه انه حيّ .. أما إذا كانت المرأة لا تزال على قيد الحياة فيقال عنها أنها حيّة...! أعاذنا الله من لدغتها (الحيّة وليس المرأة )

ثانيا: إذا أصاب الرجل في قوله أو فعله فيقال عنه أنه مصيب .. أما إذا أصابت المرأة في قولها أو فعلها فيقال عنها أنها مصيبة !!..

ثالثا: إذا تولى الرجل منصب القضاء فيقال عنه أنه قاضي
أما إذا تولت المرأة منصب القضاء فيقال عنها أنها قاضية !!
والقاضية هي المصيبة العظيمة التي تنزل بالمرء فتقضي عليه ... يالطيف!!!!

رابعا: إذا أصبح الرجل عضوا في احد المجالس النيابية فيقال عنه أنه نائب .. أما إذا أصبحت المرأة عضوا في أحدا لمجالس النيابية فيقال عنهاأنها نائبة !!!...
وكما تعلمون فان النائبة هي أخت المصيبة

خامسا: إذا كان للرجل هواية يتسلى بها ولا يحترفها فيقال عنه أنه هاوي .. أما إذا كانت للمرأة هواية تتسلى بها ولا تحترفها فيقال عنهاأنها هاوية !!....
والهاوية هي احدي أسماء جهنم والعياذ بالله برسوله
وفي النهاية فهذه على سبيل المزاح فالمرأة هي أمي وأختي وزوجتي وابنتى
فلا يكون ذلك سبيلا لثورة النساء على كاتب الكلمات المسكين

Right here waiting for you

2009-02-26T21:59:00.005+02:00

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I though would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' CrAzY

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' cRaZy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

By: Richard Marx

Just can't stop writing

2009-02-25T23:36:00.007+02:00

Seems i just cannot stop writing yet...Guess what, today i managed to buy 28 tickets to Dandara...While tomorrow i still need to go to ramses to buy return ticket from Dandara...Alhamdulillah everything went smoothly for today..Syukran Li Sayyidina Nabi...So it is true that our faith will be tested and therefore it will increase trough that experience...

Not gonna write much but i'm a very grateful guy today..While for her, this is my promise...not a bad artist i am.

We are a fighter but yet a lover

2009-02-24T23:47:00.004+02:00

Friendship isn't always easily described. The Eskimos, they say, have a hundred different words for snow. Unfortunately, the English language isn't quite as innovative, though it has vast opportunities to differentiate meaning. Certainly, Love is one of those opportunities. And so, too, is Friendship.

Instead of different words, however, we're stuck with simple adjectives. Close friend. Best friend. Childhood friend. Intimate friend. Trusted friend. Beloved friend. But whether you use adjectives or different words, few could deny the nearly infinite meaning in such a simple word.

Friends are special people. We can't pick our family, and we're sorely limited in the number of them at any rate. Society and mores (and often our own conscience) dictate we select a single mate. But our friends can be as diverse and infinite as the adjectives we choose. Our friends, in a very real sense, reflect the choices we make in life.Guess who...While the rembrants once say in their song:

So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your jobs a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.

It's like you're always stuck in second gear
And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month,
or even your year
but..

I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'Cuz you're there for me too...

You're still in bed at ten
And work began at eight
You've burned your breakfast
So far... things are goin' great

Your mother warned you there'd be days like these
Oh but she didn't tell you when the world has brought
You down to your knees that...

I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'Cuz you're there for me too...

No one could ever know me
No one could ever see me
Seems you're the only one who knows
What it's like to be me
Someone to face the day with
Make it through all the rest with
Someone I'll always laugh with
Even at my worst I'm best with you, yeah

It's like you're always stuck in second gear
And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month,
or even your year...

I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'Cuz you're there for me too...

I'll be there for you
I'll be there for you
I'll be there for you
'Cuz you're there for me too...

Courage

2009-02-24T21:40:00.008+02:00

A wise man once had quote

“Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew.”

But as normal, saying is much easier than acting on it..I'm not so sure why..But these few days back i'm soooo exhausted..Not knowing why..maybe i'm going trough some obstacles but then while going trough my black magic book i notice another wise man once said:

“If you're trying to achieve, there will be road blocks. I've had them; everybody has had them. But obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.”

Therefore i re-check my purposes...Alhamdulillah it is still the same..Do it for Him The most Gracious and also for His Beloved Prophet Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam.

I would to share with all of you this one poem by Barudi that explain about love.Unfortunately it is in arabic..So good for me but hard work for you..Because if you like to know and understand the meaning within,you just have to do some research..haha..So the saying will goes like this:

سمع الخليُّ تأوّهي فتلفتا وأصابه عجبٌ وقال مَنِ الفتي؟

فأجبته إني أمرؤٌ لعب الأسى بفؤاده يوم النوى فتشتتا

أنظر إليّ تجد خيالا باليا تحت الثياب يكاد ألا يُنعتا

قد كان لي قلبٌ أصاب سوادهُ سهمٌ لطرف فاترٍ فتفتتا

تبع الهوى قلبي فهام وليته قبل التوغل في البلاء تثبتا

ألقته في شَرَك المحبة غادةٍ هيهات!ليس بصاحبي إن أفلتا!

كالورد خدا و البنفسج طُرة والغصن قدا والغزالة مَلفِتَا

تالله لو علم العذول بما جنى طَرْفِي عليّ لسَاءه أن يَشمَتا

طرفٌ أطلت عنانه ليصيب لي بعض المني فأصابني لما أتى

ياقلب حسبك قد أفاق معاشرٌ وأراك تدأب في الهوى فإلى متى؟

By the way, don't forget hah all of you to celebrate the Birthday of Our Precious Prophet Salawatullahi Alaihi..It is just around the corner..So don't miss it..And why should all of you give a damn if some of that ungrateful fellow telling you that celebration for Our Prophet is an innovation that will lead us to infedelity. Because whoever happy for Him Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam..He will be happy for us.

So just wanna inform all of you..For this coming weeks i'm gonna be very busy..So just gonna share with all of you after i'm done with my responsibilities..And responsibilities never end...And yah also especially for her..Just wanna tell you how much i miss you...Make a guess..haha..

Till we meet again..Luv u

We are human being after all

2009-02-22T16:58:00.004+02:00

Hello ladies and gentlemen...Today i learnt new lessons again..A few hours ago, we had a soccer tournament.Unfortunately we lost 1 - 0 with Sabah.Not a bad result but still to go home with a lost is totally upset.Should we keep reminding about that fluke goal toward us or trying our best to look that tomorrow as a new day and as a new challenge.

I belief if we are keep repeating about that lost we will never raise to other stage..Instead of memories for us to be better.It will be nightmare that will block our path as human being..But if we learnt from that mistakes..A mistake that we accept together as a team..As one..than we will upgrade furter..Not just we are gonna be better but the bond of brotherhood will be stronger..We accept our shortcomings,admit our mistakes and look at our past as our guide for our own future then we wll be up there without us notice it.

I realized one thing, at the end of the day we are still a creation that called human being.We intend to make mistake either with intention nor unintentionally.Therefore,we must hold on each other,support one another as of course we try to amend our ways together not just to be a better muslim but also the sincerity towards each other as brothers.Thats all folks

It's tough but i'm ok

2009-02-21T16:43:00.004+02:00

My journey continue..As for today, i started to realized that everything in this world could not be obtain only by hard work..It is also depend on patience,pray,hope and most of all believe in ourself...But then people will started to question..I'm working so hard for certain purpose.And if i fail what should i do?

You see my friends, the purpose in this life is just to obey the command of Allah and Rasulullah Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalam.While the result is a must for all of us to leave it to Allah and Rasulullah Salawatullahi Wassalaam..

It had been few days since i went to Ramsis ( train station in cairo ) to buy tickets to travel to Qina..But then i always left with a dissapointment. I'm not so sure why,but the officer will always give a sarcastic reason by saying : There is no ticket for non-arabs..I started to give up and just let it be..

Suddenly i ponder for a while..For whom i'm doing this..and why i'm doing this..I will be true to all of you..I'm not yet a good muslim but i'm totally sure the purpose of a muslim..Its a bit contradict but nevermind..

Yah,i'm doing this because i wanted to celebrate the Ihtifal of Salawatullahi Wassalaam with my brothers in Dandara..And i'm doing this because of Him the Sayyidil Basyar..And if you want the best,it will never come easy..Because you are facing obstacles,challenges whatever you called it..You will strive for it and you will appreaciate it more than ever...

So thats it..Try your best in whatever you are doing..Never stop..Don't ever thing to give up..Just do your job.And leave everything to the most authority and the most precious to take care of everything..Insya'allah you will be fine

So don't worry so much about the result..Just do it..Yah,i guess the motto for the sports entertainments are true..haha..till we meet again..

2009-02-20T16:51:00.002+02:00

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start

Ohh, but hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words 'cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight when you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

Somehow

2009-02-20T16:17:00.004+02:00

Somehow i manage to smile and laugh freely for today..All of my burden was being released for a while..Somehow i able to see my future clearly, not absolute but better than before...Somehow my soul is lively again,not sure how long it will last but it will be enough to carry out my spirit at it best.

Yesterday was the critical moment for me..Wondering how i will face the test of courage..How long could my endurance last..Alhamdulillah, everything went well, not impressive but well..Today that courage and endurance are being regenerated by listening to those voices.. A voice of unity,a voice of brotherhood and a voice of hope...

While tomorrow is still unseen.It is still hazy,unclear but because of these gifts i notice life is not so bad when you lost someone dear to you..Accept the reality..You gonna lost someone.And someone will replace that lost..but it will never be the same.The pain could heal but the memories will remain..

Therefore, i will go on walking this lonely path without companion except with a heart of belief that Allah and Rasululluah Alaihi Salawatullahi Wassalaam will guide me till the end of this long journey that me myself does not know the end. Once again,thanks to all of you.

Its still a long way to go

2009-02-13T16:56:00.003+02:00

It seems everything change for an instant..I'm not self motivated, i took a risk, felt dejected and most of all i felt and still feel guilty till this moment...But then i take a look at my past and future...

The past me i know i'm simply the best..and of course not to compare myself with others...Although i realized i had made big and small decision..i'm fully steep with enthusiasm and never ever regret with my own decision except one.A man with a vision..Understand my mission and most of all i know what i'm doing.

The future me, i realized i can be someone big.Someone who are reliable..A person who will offer any help to anyone even though he is my rival..Not to mention the so called enemy..Haha, don't hate your enemies, it effect our judgement..And of course to pursue my ambition at a highest peak that i could achieve.

But then, my present is totally contradict with my past and do not reflect my future..I'm replete in my own world..A world which i had made mistake..A decision that i totally regret and soaked in sadness...I cry like a baby..I eat a humble pie..But still the heart of acceptance is close neatly without any opportunities to redeem myself again..No more trust..Letting them down..and the memories keep haunting me..Even i scream nor i beg..No one will come and hold my hand again..

To whom should i lean..On whose shoulder should i cry..Should i live with this punishment till i close my eyes..You might not understand my words.You will never understand how vunerable i am..but deep inside, i believe one day i will rise again and getting better and better..I will promise not to fall again and not to moarn on something nor someone that left me because of my ridiculous decision..And of course i'm not gonna make any stupid move..That is a must..

Shall we meet again, i will and i must fix everything..Not because of symphaty but i just wanna prove my love to you once again..

He is going home

2009-02-12T22:33:00.002+02:00

We will always remember you:

This romeo is bleeding
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up

It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up

I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I've made mistakes, I'm just a man

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near
When he says the words you've been needing to hear
I'll wish I was him 'cause those words are mine
To say to you till the end of time

Yeah, I will love you baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always

If you told me to cry for you
I could
If you told me to die for you
I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you

Well, there ain't no luck
In these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams
And our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

Will you accept me again?

2009-02-12T02:14:00.002+02:00

Darlin� I can�t explain
Where did we lose our way
Girl it�s drivin� me insane
And I know I just need one more chance
To prove my love to you
If you come back to me
I�ll gurantee
That I�ll never let you go

Can we go back to the days when our love was strong
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong
Can somebody tell me how to get things back
They way they use to be
Oh God give me a reason
I�m down on bended knee
I�ll never walk again until you come back to me
I�m down on bended knee

So many nights I dream of you
Holding my pillow tight
I know that I don�t need to be alone
I open up my eyes
To face reality
Every moment without you
It seems like eternity
I�m begging you, begging you come back to me

Baby, I�m sorry
Please forgive me for all the wrong I�ve done
Please come back home girl
I know you put all your trust in me
I�m sorry I let you down
Please forgive me

Gonna swallow my pride
Say I�m sorry
Stop pointing fingers the blame is on me
I want a new life
And I want it with you
If you feel the same
Don�t ever let it go
You gotta believe in the spirt of love
It can heal all things
We won�t hurt anymore
No I don�t believe our love�s terminal
I�m down on my knees begging you please
Come home

On bended knees

2009-02-11T20:37:00.004+02:00

I realized how much i love her when only i realized the mistake that i convict..Should when i'm reticent,misunderstanding occurs..When i'm trying to shower my love with sincerity bad things happen...I'm so sad but yet i can still smiling..It hurt inside but i try to stand on my feet although barely...

I ask for forgiveness but it is being rejected. Make me realized one thing..My mistake is a sin and totally unacceptable..Tell me, what should i do to make things right..Because what i learn is totally contradict with what i perform.If only she understand why i'm doing this, will she will be able to accept me again...

I'm not sure but yet i will still be here waiting for her forgiveness although it is impossible for her...I promise to myself i will take this as a punishment that i should face and will not fall in love again...

I just want a new life..And i want it to be with her...Could it get back together the day when our love was strong..I'm on bended knees..